My parents are 81 and 82...recently my mother had to have bowel cancer surgery and came through it fine, no chemo or radiation. She developed bacterial pneumonia which she caught in the hospital...when she recovered she was put in transitional care for rehab so she could get strong enough to go home. She refused to eat and have physical therapy or even let them turn her to prevent bed sores. The insurance finally said they would no longer pay for her to be there as she was refusing the help she needed to be able to go home. My father put her in a very nice adult foster home. She is very angry and verbally abusive to him as he thinks he could take care of her at home. He is becoming very depressed and hurt about her attitude toward him. My father is 82 and there would be no way he could take care of her...she isn't walking at all. I am worried that she will wear him down and he will try to take her home to care for her himself. I live in another country and am not able to be there at this time. Any help in how he could deal with her wanting to come home would be appreciated. My mother can be difficult in the best of times . Feel so bad for my father.

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See if Dad could join us on here and he will realize he is not alone with this kind of thing. Maybe Mom needs a geropsych unit? Maybe you could visit to help with that and give Dad a major boost of encouragement, however briefly...
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Deb, I am sorry that things are going so poorly. The only thing I can think of is to have your father stay away for a few days if he thinks it may help. I don't know your mother or their relationship, so it's hard to know if it would help. If your mother is going to be staying at the foster home, it may give her some time to settle in. Maybe she will discover that it isn't too bad. Perhaps the workers at the home can tell your mother that your dad is ill, so isn't going to come in for a few days.
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