I'm just concerned about my husband getting assistance with proper dressing, brushing his teeth, bathing, since he can't do this all on his own. When I visit him outside his room window, sometimes he looks unkept, unshaven, not properly dressed.
How does one know ? Lovepat69, it is so aggravating and concerning - gut wrenching at times. We have no idea how the room is being cleaned or them. They should be able to FaceTime or Zoom and let you talk to and see your loved one . You can see a little bit but definitely not the whole side of things. There have been several upsetting situations within one month. We’ve made the decision to move our loved one. The last FaceTime encounter showed a frail person that looked like loss of weight. I just pray I’m doing the right thing. How does one know? I will be following. I hope to learn more and do what is right and best interest for them.
If you did your homework and selected a facility that you felt most comfortable with then that is all you can do. Size of facility and staffing ratio per patient has a lot to do with it when something like this occurs. However, in upstate NY this summer, my father was admitted to the hospital having a hallucination - out of nowhere.! Nobody could go with him - but in turn this large, well regarded Catholic hospital asked the family NO questions about his history, behavior, etc. Instead they shot him with major anti psychotic drugs to calm him. This was not his normal behavior - and even the next day we had no communication from them- we had to initiate all communication. They disregarded him/his care because he was 86. Yet he was healthy and fully functioning until that time. He ended up dying - lost 20lbs or more in 18 days - was malnourished. In this case and others - COVID gives them the opportunity to hide or to do the minimum and not have to worry about the family walking in. I have heard this from physicians, Nurse practitioners. There's an old saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. ADVOCATE for your loved ones, in ALF, hospitals, nursing homes. NOBODY will care for them like you would at home. But that becomes overwhelming with ALZ's . If you have any concern - call in daily for reports. Be on top of what is and is not normal for your loved one.
My advise to you or anyone think or in a assisted living is to be in their own home. Now is not the time to be a resident of a assisted living facility. I lost my wife in upscale one In Long Island. My experience with the manger's of this facility was horrendous. When you are not their to watch that's when the staff slacks off believe me I saw what they do and was not good. The AARP did an extensive investigation of the nursing homes and assisted living facilities and found out that they were cutting corner during the pandemic and not able to follow protocol and many patients died including me poor wife which I am grieving for her right now.
Take pictures. Date and time the pictures. Then ask to speak with the administration about your concerns. He may be getting excellent care and have a couple of rough days: when he wouldn't cooperate, when there was an emergency with another resident, or when the facility was short-staffed on a particular day (which should be infrequent). By having pictures with dates and times, the administration can see if the problem was one of the above situations, a change in your husband's condition that must be addressed, or staff that need some training/reprimand. I always tend to think in the direction that it is a hard year with COVID and everybody is trying to do their best.
There is something you should know about ALF and nursing homes. Most of them are for-profit operations that have been subject to “raiding” for many years now. This means a private equity firm buys a facility, siphons off the cash reserves, and cuts expenses to the bone. For example, they usually cut staff and wages. Perhaps the facility did all their laundry in-house. The new owners might “outsource” that work to a different company - that they also own. They pay for the laundry service out of the facility’s budget, and this generates income for the other business. Of course it costs more to outsource laundry than to do it in-house, but outsourcing creates a separate revenue stream for the owners. They do this everywhere they can. You can look at the AARP website for more details if you are curious.
What this means is that you should expect that the facility doesn’t have enough resources to handle exceptions events. They may not have enough PPE to protect workers. If staffing levels have already been cut to the bone there nay not be enough workers to handle things when employees are absent - sick, or unable to work because of the pandemic. Maybe one parent has to stay home to care for the kids, and it’s likely to be the low-paid side. If your parent looks uncared-for, they are uncared-for. If they look dirty, they aren’t being bathed and dressed in clean clothes. If the room looks dirty, it is dirty.
The facility owners could simply hire more people. They might need to pay higher wages because of the risks to workers. But this costs money, and many if not most owners have already established that profits come before people. This problem can be solved, it just costs money. Now, maybe your LO is in a non-profit, charity run operation that really is doing their best. Talk to them. Btw, you can easily find the names of the actual owners and operators of the place, so research that and record the info.
Take pictures of your LO through the window. Show them the the facility managers and demand an explanation. If you can record a voice call or get an answer in email, do it. If the manager claims they didn’t know about the problem, ask how long it will take them to remedy the issues now that they do know. Then follow up, take more pictures. Maybe check other windows while you are there but be careful of invading privacy. If you notice that 75% of the rooms seem neglected I’d document that.
Use the facility owner’s contact info, which must be posted by law, to file a complaint. Again, get things in writing if you can or record the call. Find out what regulatory bodies in your area are responsible for enforcing standards of care, and file complaints. Contact the Elderly Protective services in your area and file a complaint. Again, the AARP website or phone line can help you track these down.
At worst, the facility will know someone is paying attention and your LO may get better care. At best, the fear of lawsuits might spur the owners to increase spending on patient care to avoid lawsuits. Remember, the aides and workers aren’t the enemy. They are most likely underpaid and overworked. But at the top of this good chain is a company, likely a private equity firm, that has been making good money off running things cheaply for a long time.
My mom was in a SNF in a big city and when we finally got able to move her over to an AL she looked horrible. Hair filthy, clothes dirty. She lost 20 lbs. and looked like a Holocaust survivor! I never thought my mom would ever look like that. She was doing great in her new AL. She gained weight, she was clean and I was able to see her inside after a negative test. Her room was clean and the food was great. Over the holidays she literally went nuts. Had a UTI which is horrible for older people. She kept trying to leave and guess what - they will not keep her there and now we have to move her yet AGAIN to a nursing home! Due to Covid we can't be too picky but hopefully she will be moving to one closer to her family/friends. Christmas she was on a tear and our visit was terrible. This pandemic and dealing with this has worn us down to a pulp. I was just starting to feel human again and not completely exhausted. You have to wonder why does God allow the elderly to live forever and be miserable and I see so many young people with their whole life ahead of them die. Life is weird and definitley not for the faint of heart.
I know how you are feeling. My dad was in AL--semi independent and then developed UTI which went septic. He ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks and is now in rehab with the fragile hope that he will regain enough mobility to move back to AL. I live 2 1/2 hours away, so I would visit every other week. I haven't seen him now in 3 weeks. He is very hard of hearing, so talking to him on the phone is super difficult. The UTI caused major confusion and now all he seems to want to do is sleep. I am worried that he will have to move permanently to a nursing home. Without being able to have visitors (for who knows how long) I think he will just wither away. It's hard to watch this happen to a loved one.
You are so correct that it is terribly terribly difficult now to know what is happening in a facility we cannot visit. I don't know the answer to this. It comes under trust; it comes under history of yourself and the care in the place. I do know, as I am still very in contact with the ALF my bro was in, that they do all they can to keep connection, to show their seniors and their activity on daily Facebook postings, and that they encourage outdoor masked and distanced meetings on the grounds. But you are so right that being there is what comforts those disconnected most, and we can't now be there. But ONE of the problems. Right now it is also more difficult for staff and administration to answer phone calls and reassure us because they are SO taxed and busy, but I would call, if you are concerned, and I would tell them your concerns. Sometimes if they notice that you are noticing it helps them communicate with their own staff meaningfully. Yours is a good point.
I suppose you can't really know what's going on behind the COVID closed doors. I think it all comes down to why you chose this facility? If you did your homework and looked at several places before choosing this one, I think you have to trust them. Personally I wouldn't be too concerned about how he looks.
That is BY FAR the hardest issue in caring for my LO. before the lockdowns and her 2 Covid infections, we were visiting 3 or more times a week, different times during the day, taking her seasonal wardrobe items, bring her great grand nieces and nephews for visits. It was wonderful for her and wonderful for us.
We had about 7 outdoor visits with her in late August-September-October, and she remembered me by name, conversed and enjoyed seeing us, but reality was, she was always too cold outside, and NO amount of bundling or blanketing could keep her comfortable.
To be totally honest, I can live with unkempt and unshaven, and the fact is that in our MC, I know that there is understaffing and that some things are having to slip because of that.
OVERALL, I continue to trust the care my LO receives while also having to realize that there have been drastic, tragic changes.
I am presently waiting VERY IMPATIENTLY to be vaccinated, in hopes I’ll be able to get to her as soon as humanly possible. It really IS the frequent contact that gives me the sense of trust we’ve come to count on.
Please except my offer of hope and courage as you continue to wait.
My mother has dementia and is in a nursing home. She is totally dependent upon others for care. Prior to the lockdown my father visited her daily and I came as often as I could. She has a peg tube but was able to enjoy a pleasure tray. After the lockdown my mother lost 30 pounds. I truly believe this was because she wasn't fed due to staffing shortages. So very sad. I have great concerns about the vaccine for the virus. It is experimental, never tried on humans before. They have no idea about long term issues. Frail, elderly, immunocompromised were part of the 2 month trials. The vaccine will not stop transmission, prevent the illness, stop death or hospitalization. It will not end the pandemic. Factual information about the virus is being removed from the internet. I would advise anyone considering taking this harmful and unsafe vaccine to go to the website of AFLDS and obtain true and accurate information. I pray God's protection and covering over all of us and our loved ones.
However, in upstate NY this summer, my father was admitted to the hospital having a hallucination - out of nowhere.! Nobody could go with him - but in turn this large, well regarded Catholic hospital asked the family NO questions about his history, behavior, etc. Instead they shot him with major anti psychotic drugs to calm him. This was not his normal behavior - and even the next day we had no communication from them- we had to initiate all communication. They disregarded him/his care because he was 86. Yet he was healthy and fully functioning until that time. He ended up dying - lost 20lbs or more in 18 days - was malnourished. In this case and others - COVID gives them the opportunity to hide or to do the minimum and not have to worry about the family walking in. I have heard this from physicians, Nurse practitioners. There's an old saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. ADVOCATE for your loved ones, in ALF, hospitals, nursing homes. NOBODY will care for them like you would at home. But that becomes overwhelming with ALZ's . If you have any concern - call in daily for reports. Be on top of what is and is not normal for your loved one.
People don't enjoy being put in a home. Some get so depressed, they lose their will to live.
You should take your husband back home and hire a Caregiver a few hours a day.
No matter how nice you think a Senior place is. Think again.
They are always understaffed and patients can get over medicated. Especially if they consider them problem patients
What this means is that you should expect that the facility doesn’t have enough resources to handle exceptions events. They may not have enough PPE to protect workers. If staffing levels have already been cut to the bone there nay not be enough workers to handle things when employees are absent - sick, or unable to work because of the pandemic. Maybe one parent has to stay home to care for the kids, and it’s likely to be the low-paid side. If your parent looks uncared-for, they are uncared-for. If they look dirty, they aren’t being bathed and dressed in clean clothes. If the room looks dirty, it is dirty.
The facility owners could simply hire more people. They might need to pay higher wages because of the risks to workers. But this costs money, and many if not most owners have already established that profits come before people. This problem can be solved, it just costs money. Now, maybe your LO is in a non-profit, charity run operation that really is doing their best. Talk to them. Btw, you can easily find the names of the actual owners and operators of the place, so research that and record the info.
Take pictures of your LO through the window. Show them the the facility managers and demand an explanation. If you can record a voice call or get an answer in email, do it. If the manager claims they didn’t know about the problem, ask how long it will take them to remedy the issues now that they do know. Then follow up, take more pictures. Maybe check other windows while you are there but be careful of invading privacy. If you notice that 75% of the rooms seem neglected I’d document that.
Use the facility owner’s contact info, which must be posted by law, to file a complaint. Again, get things in writing if you can or record the call. Find out what regulatory bodies in your area are responsible for enforcing standards of care, and file complaints. Contact the Elderly Protective services in your area and file a complaint. Again, the AARP website or phone line can help you track these down.
At worst, the facility will know someone is paying attention and your LO may get better care. At best, the fear of lawsuits might spur the owners to increase spending on patient care to avoid lawsuits. Remember, the aides and workers aren’t the enemy. They are most likely underpaid and overworked. But at the top of this good chain is a company, likely a private equity firm, that has been making good money off running things cheaply for a long time.
We had about 7 outdoor visits with her in late August-September-October, and she remembered me by name, conversed and enjoyed seeing us, but reality was, she was always too cold outside, and NO amount of bundling or blanketing could keep her comfortable.
To be totally honest, I can live with unkempt and unshaven, and the fact is that in our MC, I know that there is understaffing and that some things are having to slip because of that.
OVERALL, I continue to trust the care my LO receives while also having to realize that there have been drastic, tragic changes.
I am presently waiting VERY IMPATIENTLY to be vaccinated, in hopes I’ll be able to get to her as soon as humanly possible. It really IS the frequent contact that gives me the sense of trust we’ve come to count on.
Please except my offer of hope and courage as you continue to wait.