I can't speak for everyone else, but I know I am co-dependent. That means I care for others, am an empath, "love" everyone but me... I come last. And then I harbor resentments and anger at myself for doing so much with so little return. I have to learn to care for myself first... as the stewardess says, put the mask on yourself before your kids... because if I can't learn to care for me, and put my needs first, I really am no good depressed and resentful, stuck and depressed, to anyone else, much less as a caregiver to someone who needs me to be on top of my game...
Respite workers are used to all this. Give yourself a break. As someone told me, nobody in a nursing home is doing 24/7 shifts... what makes you think you can?
I'm 24/7 with my Dad. I just know his likes, his eating manners. If I leave him with my sister he won't eat the same. He has problems swallowing even though it's puree or water. I have to tell him to swallow each time he gets a spoon of food. It takes about an hour to feed him. Medication was another issue. Now I break down his pills and mix them with baby food dessert. That way he eats it and doesn't know he had them. After a month in a sleeping all the time, because of medication he is now more responsive. More time awake. Hospice has given me a hand. I give thanks to God for that.
Get someone to come in to give you a break. Call senior services in your area and ask about Respite Workers. When they come, you go and do something that relaxes you... a massage, a simple walk, shopping, lunch with a friend... anything.
Until you can find someone to help or develop a reliable support system to share the responsibilities, delete the word "relax" from your vocabulary. If someone mentions the word to you, respond with " 'Relax'? What's that?"
Of course you'll never be Rita Rudner, but injecting some comedy -- even if it hurts -- will get you to laugh (and maybe cry at the same time) for a couple of minutes.
Another suggestion is to avoid commiserating with the femme fatales in those tear-jerking movies that remind you of everything you've been missing. Same with the sappy soap operas, particularly the Spanish ones. They just amplify the inescapable misery you're going through.
ChistinaW as for sleep I get naps when I can. I never have slept very well even as a child. I live on a ranch and I do walk alot, I love animals and the great outdoors. After years of taking care of my parent I felt like a shell. I could never to enough. I was helping the very man who messed up my childhood. After he dies (3 yrs ago) I thought I would be set free. Then Mom moved in with us. she was here for 3yrs and 4 months. I spoiled her. I was like her puppied. then one day I overheard her telling my x-sister in law that she is stuck here, that we don't do anything for her, that we leave her alone all of the time. I did not respond to here but that hurt to deep that I cries inside for days. The I told her that I was taking her to Respite care which was true. I needed a time out before I hurt myself. She liked the Assisted living and began to make friends. so for now I have left her there...since 16Jan2013. She has asked when am I coming back to your house. I reply when I can make you as happy as you are here. No more negative calls from my sibblings..I don't answer the phone. I am begining to Like Myself Again. I Am A Good Person..That is was I tell myself every morning
Cap, you are brilliant. You are just this side of genius, because sometimes genius goes NUTS, and you will not. 131313: do you get any sleep? what is the story of your day? SLEEP WATER EXERCISE LAUGHTER BREAKS SLEEP WATER EXERCISE, etc. Tell us...xo
lol. im not very smart but i speak concisely.. the key word was NUTS... theyre friggin NUTS... obsessive, repetitive, missing the whole point NUTS..livin in the past, creatures of dubious habit - NUTS.. its not you whos NUTS its the patient.
i can sure relate. when a normal rational mind tries to analyze the actions of a mentally disturbed person its not uncommon to see the rational brain sink into a slo-mo mode ( depression ) just to protect itself from the absurdity. i see now that you didnt specify mental illness so maybe my post wont help you. here goes anyway. try to avoid the tendacy to rationalize with the patient. they just sit there and get stupider and your mind shorts out. there are no winners . even physical sickness causes irrational thinking and behavior in the patient. you simply have to learn to walk away when s**t gets too silly. an hour later you fall for the same trick determined to reach an understanding. it aint gonna happen theyre friggin NUTS..
Of course you'll never be Rita Rudner, but injecting some comedy -- even if it hurts -- will get you to laugh (and maybe cry at the same time) for a couple of minutes.
Another suggestion is to avoid commiserating with the femme fatales in those tear-jerking movies that remind you of everything you've been missing. Same with the sappy soap operas, particularly the Spanish ones. They just amplify the inescapable misery you're going through.
131313: do you get any sleep? what is the story of your day?
SLEEP WATER EXERCISE LAUGHTER BREAKS SLEEP WATER EXERCISE,
etc. Tell us...xo