How can a friend take care of grandmother?

If she is in need of 24/7 care and cannot be alone, that is why she is in a nursing home. Enhance her life right where she is. Your friend should keep working to support himself and not give up his life to care for her. If he takes her out, she won't like his place either. Honest.

As honorable as you make your friend sound, everyone is correct. Visit her often and leave her in the care facility.

Unless your friend is willing to give up his life, his freedom, and spend a lot of money for caregivers I don't recommend the proposed action. I do 24/7/365 care for my dad who has some of the same symptoms described. It's exhausting and takes more than a little fortitude. I've done this for almost 4 years now. I'm keeping a promise, but it's very, very, very demanding.

You have received excellent advice from the other posters. My mom passed last week. She had dementia and had been in a nursing home for 3 years. I suffered from feelings of guilt for a long while. I had friends who kept their parents in their homes. As my mom's dementia progressed, she became more and more delusional. She also became combative and started to wander off. The first step was an ankle bracelet which she promptly cut off. The next step was lockdown in the dementia unit. Taking care of someone with dementia is a 24/7/365 responsibility. Even with in-home health aides, whom he'd have to employ full time and can be pricey, it's still a monumental undertaking. In my humble opinion, she is where she needs to be. However, as for Power of Attorney, someone in the family should have it. Is he sure no one does?

My Mom has asked to go home, and I tell her the AL is her home. Gma is where she is for a reason. I had my Mom almost two years and I'm retired. Can't imagine how it would have been if I had a job.

If your friend persists in trying to 'spring' his grandmother from the facility, he will regret it deeply. Within a month he will be desperately trying to get her re-admitted. He may have good intentions, but he doesn't realize his grandmother is now not the person he grew up knowing. In spite of moments of lucidity, it will all go inexorably downhill and frankly, turn into a real disaster. She is better off with him visiting and checking up on her.

Lotsofquestions, there is a reason why your friend's grandmother is in a continuing care facility, she needs a higher level of care then what your friend can give. Unless your friend will be hiring and paying 3 shifts of caregivers to take care of his grandmother, and he sets up his home similar to that of a nursing home. My Dad had 3 shifts of caregivers from a licensed Agency and it cost him $20k per month.

As for Power of Attorney, the only way your friend can get POA is for his Grandmother to give him Power of Attorney, but she would need to be able to understand the legal document before an Attorney would allow her to sign on the dotted line.

If another relative has POA, your friend could get permission to remove Grandmother [which I don't recommend] and get permission to take care of her at his home. It would be much easier if he did have complete POA but it probably is too late now.

With dementia, Grandmother could be doing what is called "showboating" which means she is "acting" normal around guest, but once back at the continuing care facility, she could be confused and/or have "sundowning". Sundowning means in late afternoon or early evening the person gets really confused [my Dad had that].

Plus with dementia, it can progress quickly to another stage if a person is physically moved into a new environment, even if it is a house she's been in many time before.

By the way, it is very normal for an elder [with or without dementia] to want to move back home or out of a facility.... but in most cases "home" is where they lived as children. And in some cases the elder doesn't understand they can no longer live in and maintain a house on their own.

First of all, lotsofquestions says the lady is already in a caregiving facility. I doubt if she has any pets, but I do understand what you're saying since I feel the same way about my animals. Secondly, my mom (who had dementia) ALWAYS received exemplary care at her facility. In the three and one- half years she was there, I never had any issues with her staff or her care.

Having dealt with mother-in-law, father-in-law and mother who all had dementia, every one of them begged to go "home", but when asked, not one knew where "home" was. In my mom's case, she wanted to go home and live with her parents.

I do agree with you about the POA. And would also hope that one of the trusted relatives has their name on a joint account with the lady.

My mom also wants to move so I told I was looking but because of wheelchair any place needed special items, so she said 'what wheelchair' to which I responded 'the one you are sitting in' she looked down & said 'I don't need this' but she can't walk!

However 1 thing is the interaction with other people - mom says she is bored but I checked & she does 10 plus activities a week + any religious service of her religion - this young man won't be able to do that many with her so he should take that under consideration when he balances the issue

Promises are nice but sometimes they shouldn't be treated as carved in rock - we all have promised our kids things that we were unable to fulfill so to our promises to those with dementia which were said in good faith but life has a way of changing things to make following through on them unreasonable any longer

I, too am taking care of my Mom. Have been investigated myself 3 times from false allegations that my Mother said and later recanted. The hassle of detectives and social workers is unbelievable. If your parent is in a home, leave them there. If it is a bad one, move them to another. I wish I never took her from her place. Now, I have her here- found out she could of had all the help, plus more if I had left her in her home. my mother hates it here and has from day one. Resentful every single day but doesn't want to leave. Been doing it for 3 yrs now and she has made it seem like 20yrs. No, she doesn't have demensia but fell alot which is why I moved her here.