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So, not to make excuses, but this conversation was 1. unexpected and 2. took place after a sleep deprived morning where yet another person did not do what they were supposed to do: Mom's dementia is not to the point where she can't be left alone at all, though I supposed that is a subjective opinion. Dad knew he had to be back by noon to let the upholstery guy in the house who confirmed he would be here between 12 and 1 PM. At 11:30, running late for work having dealt with one of Dad's other issues (he couldn't connect with his grass person to let her know his complaint), I come out of the bathroom to find the upholsterer in the house, let in by mom. I had found the in home aide had done yet another ....well, it was---shitty! job last week, so I cancelled it with more than 24 hours notice leaving a message on the company's voice mail. But being conscientious, I called the next day once at work and obviously trained to generate happy clients, I wound up being passed on to an administrative type who wanted to know about my dissatisfaction. Early on in the conversation this person told me she would appreciate it if I would "watch my language". To be honest I had no awareness of what I had said, aside from being 99% sure I did not use the F word, and think as above I used the word shitty because that's what it was! I was so stunned by her comment I was speechless. In retrospect, laughing, I will tell you here that I replayed that scene and REALLY wanted to say in response, "What the F is YOUR problem?" But seriously, we gave this company lots of money for virtually no help. It created more stress for me than relieved any. I didn't feel I should have to do an hour of prep work to make sure the aide knew what to do and how to do it or follow/supervise her. I had confirmed my expectations of light housekeeping were reasonable. Since no progress was made in getting my mother to shower, I felt I should have my burden relieved somehow for $20/hour and a four hour stint at that. The admin did convey a willingness to help, but really there was nothing to be done, which I had said at the outset. These are supposed to be the best. The best did the kitchen that was NOT to be touched by emptying a toaster oven crumb tray and putting it back upside down, scratched up a protective film on our fridge, and smeared a glass top table in addition to not being able to neatly make a bed (nearly to the floor on one side, high up on the other). The newer aide for the 2nd week did not dust a mirrored tray on the dresser, and wiped a 3" band across the top of a high dresser. Leaving the rest dusted. So yes, I thought it was a shitty job! What do you all think? I wished I remembered my french well enough to respond back!

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Good afternoon,

Since you asked..... Yes, here in the South, “shitty” is an offensive word. Have I ever said it? Yup, though my children and grandchildren get on to me if I do! I was raised rough!

Using profanity with a worker brings to the conversation a whole different level of coarseness and is an impediment to communication especially when dealing with the public.

Did you have a right to be angry? Probably so, but as one poster stated, using that word gave them an opportunity to stop listening to your point whether you were right or not. I was a public school teacher for 36 years. That word or words like it were never allowed in the classroom, nor in conversations with parents.
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gdaughter Sep 7, 2019
Will definitely make note to not use word in the South:-) ANd although I recognize the error of my language, this particular worker did not shut down and as stated prior there were apologies from both of us before the conclusion of the call although I really don't feel it was the most horrible offense. But point taken.
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You've mentioned the protective film on the fridge being damaged twice - uhm, you do know that is a shipping film that most people remove, right?
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AlvaDeer Sep 8, 2019
This gives me serious giggles because it took me a while to realize this with my black microwave. Hee!
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"$hitty" is an offensive word where I live (Brooklyn).

"Substandard, unacceptable and woe fully inadequate" all express this better.
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Tiger55 Sep 7, 2019
True dear Barb, I'm prob not helping here. 😉
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When customer service folks hear cuss words, they shut down. A point can be made without resorting to the use of 4 letter words, where the person will actually WANT to help rather than WANT to hang up the phone. Those of us in the service industry are trained to not put up with foul language on the other end of the receiver.

Sorry you're having such trouble finding decent help. I like Tigers idea about hiring a nice neighbor lady to help you out rather than an over priced Agency who hires anybody who walks through the front door, regardless of their talent.
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Isthisrealyreal Sep 7, 2019
Four letter words like WORK, CARE, LOVE, just curious.

I think any excuse works when they are looking for one.
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Today I met a daughter-caregiver who was so posh that my supervisor thought she must be related to royalty. I don't think so myself, wrong sort of posh, but anyway I have to say that her language was appalling! She wasn't swearing and angry, she was a very nice lady; it was just that expletives formed part of her habitual vocabulary. I mentally turned into my mother and heard myself thinking "oh darling, really, how unnecessary!"

Hmm. I have also noticed that since I stopped listening to politics on the news all day my own language has improved beyond measure.
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gdaughter Sep 10, 2019
No more CNN, more HGTV LOL! ALthough I'm guessing there is a blooper /bleeper reel somewhere that will be a special one day and I cannot wait to see it!
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I got scolded for my attitude when I called in to complain about them sending us a 75 year old aide who looked almost as bad off as my mother, and I was as polite as someone furious could be... they seriously thought I was supposed to trust this woman to lift and transfer mom in and out of the shower?

If you used the word "shitty" with the person you were speaking to that might be considered a little bit aggressive, but IMO having her bring up your comments was just a ploy to put you in your place.
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gdaughter Sep 7, 2019
You guys have just made me smile and feel better about this, even those of you who think I put my big toe over the line of decency. I never realized how bleep exhausting it was for something that was supposed to make life better/easier. What was I thinking? BUt oh, what I have learned. You raise an interesting question re ability, because it makes you wonder, if mom got dropped and injured, who is liable? ANd if you lived at a distance and didn't see the woman, how would you ever have known?
I never met to be aggressive in the least. Toward anyone. I was frustrated and only describing the workmanship, and as said prior, I NEVER intended to have any discussion with anyone, I only called to cancel the service. I felt the faith and trust I put in the company was really taken advantage of...not only misleading me to believe light housekeeping could be done, but I trusted our contact...from the start the time of service was never what I wanted. I was forced to accept 4 hours of service, and I wanted 2-6 and had agreed to 1-5 to get this super special aid, retired nurse etc. Then when she was gone, this really good aide who would be more ambitious with cleaning, worked with those who had dementia...she was only available 9-1...this was a very problematic time household wise, but I agreed to that. It's almost a relief to be done with them. AND not to mention the first one having the nerve to observe mom when she was at her more obnoxious while a painter was present, suggest that it was "too bad" we had decided to not use any medications!
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After reading your post again I'm thinking that you have been paying for the wrong service, if cleaning is what you want then you should hire a cleaning service not a care service. Sure they might have promised light housekeeping, but people who train to be caregivers and are working for a caregiving agency can not really be expected to be top notch cleaners (nor should they have to be).
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worriedinCali Sep 7, 2019
I was gonna say the same thing. You need to hire professional house cleaners if you want the house cleaned. Home care aides do very light cleaning so I think your expectations of them are too high.
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Well, if any of you have been tagging along on this adventure filled with...bleep...By PURE COINCIDENCE, this showed up on Facebook in another page I follow about a ...deer:-) as a humorous commentary that will no doubt not be edited...but here it is:
Mom's Bleep List
Don't break any ****
Do not hit people with ***
Don't act like a little ****
Do not fight over ****
Don't touch other peoples ****
But most importantly
Don't make me lose my ****
:-) have a good Sunday all...take time to laugh and hug. And thanks again for the feedback.
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Tiger55 Sep 8, 2019
Happy I saw this, may copy & put on fridge!😱😀
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So, I just read a post on FB and they were talking about the phonetic/pilots alphabet...so remember it this way...Sierra Hotel India Tango:-) I guess we should say, double Tango Yankee...I think I'm going to have to put it on a post it note to remember...
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Tiger55 Sep 8, 2019
Funny! 😳
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Mmm.

I was going to say that as with any word, its offensiveness has to be gauged in context.

But in THIS context, the issue is not whether you offended the woman, but that you had a goal - to express dissatisfaction and seek redress - and your use of a term which entitled her to take offence, or to claim to anyway, let her off the hook. Which is annoying. I think you should have gone for some money back, myself.

So marks out of ten for naughtiness, meh, four. Marks out of ten for strategy? - not so good. But the key question is: did you feel better for it? :)
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Tiger55 Sep 8, 2019
CM, I love your logical brain...;) & funny.
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