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1) Grandmother is used to more space for things, where I have half of what she had. I am having to remind her that there is not enough space for things.


2) I work long hours and she knows, but still wants me to do this and that for her when I'm coming home late after 12 hours.


3) She wants to do this and that to my home and yard. I've had to explain to her that it is fine, leave it alone, and that I have my ways of doing things and have for many years. Reminding her that it is my home.


4) She feels the need to be interested in what my neighbors are doing. I have explained to her, not my business, I don't care. Explained that is why I get along with my neighbors.


5) Her need to do things when I don’t have the time. She told me that I should go about my life. I CAN’T when she wants to do things and I don't always have the time being a caregiver for work besides her.

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What is grandma doing all day while you're at work? Did she live in your area before moving in with you? She needs some socialization. If she has dementia, she won't be able to do this independently. Adult day care if she needs to be cared for. Senior center if she's still competent. She MUST get out of the house and be with others.

Did she move all her stuff into your house? If so, help her weed through it. Put it in the attic or have her rent a storage unit if she refuses to part with anything. I put mom's stuff in the attic - out of sight, out of mind.
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I still live with my mom and brother but there are things that should be boundaries like allowing me to wear whatever I want, allowing me to take the transit bus, and allowing me to drink alcohol

I am an adult now and she STILL doesn't see that!
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againx100 Sep 2022
Just looked at your profile. Looks like at 29 you can do what you want to do. But living in your mom's house, you need to abide by house rules. So guess what? Time for you to move out!
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Does she have any idea how upsetting her behaviors are to you? It might be time to have a chummy sort of meeting where you lay all the cards out on the table - again. In fact, do it on a regular schedule so you can both go over what’s happened in the last time period to make either of you unhappy. It’s called Communication. And you actually hold all the cards because it’s your house.
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I would ask. How old is Granny? 90 or 70? If she is advanced elderly chances are these minor issues will not last long. Some fights are not worth it. Neighbors will understand a very old gal. My brother moved our mom out when she became intrusive. She was 85. So off to assisted living which she enjoys!
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You already seem like you are good at setting boundaries that tell Grandma that first and foremost this is your home. It does sound like she needs something to do. Is she actually capable of doing something? Can she have the freedom to do whatever she wants in her room and maybe a small section of the yard? Of course, the real problem is if she can't do any of this on her own and needs your help you have just created more work for yourself which is the opposite of your goal.
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It sounds to me like your Grandmother needs other things to do. If she's busy with other things, then your yard and neighbors may be of less interest to her. As far as having her needs met -- ARE they being met? Social needs are as important as any. Is there a senior club anywhere around you? Does she drive or take buses? Does your local Aging Agency have senior companion programs?

Since you have a full plate and are limited in what you can do for/with your GM, what are other options for healthy social outlets for her? Volunteer opportunities with a local church or anything else?
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The best place to set a boundary is at your front door, so she won't move in to begin with.

Work on finding her another place to live.
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MeDolly Sep 2022
Truth!
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Hi, CG! You sound like such a wonderfully caring person and your grandma is so lucky to have you in her life BUT I see from your profile that you caregive special needs adults all day and then come home to a senior with incontinence, etc. That sounds extremely draining!
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