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I'm curious as to how you may be planning to spend Mothers Day with your ALZ or dementia mother? This will be the first Mothers Day for our mother in an MC group home. She's been there for three months and is slowly settling in. We are thinking about taking her out for the day, then maybe coming back to the MC for cake and going through photos. In the so-called ALZ stages, mom is anywhere from state 2 to stage 5-ish. Thoughts?

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My sister, and my nephew (who graduated from college 5 days ago), and me...3 of us, that's our whole family here.....bringing a huge lunch from Panera with my mother's favorite sandwich and fruit and cookies and beverages.....will have it on one of the outside patios at her nursing home, maybe play one or two games of scrabble with her which is her favorite game and she is totally cognitively alert to play it, and even win.....and, that will be it. We rarely bring flowers because there's not enough room for them in her room and they die in 3 days. And, she's not a balloon person, LOL. Yeah, we all bring Mother's Day cards, which she will keep "out" for a while and then place in her bureau with all the other cards people have brought or sent to her.

For us, we cannot take her out to a restaurant. She is on 24 hour continuous oxygen and uses a wheelchair, although she doesn't need to sit in the wheelchair to get around; she is capable of standing up on her own and pushing it like a grocery cart, to get around -- within the nursing home - short distances. Would not want to try that in an outside restaurant! Meaning, she is not confined to sitting in a wheelchair, but would have to be transported in one if we go outside the facility and with the 3-hour level oxygen tank if we tried to take her out. And, you know what? It's not worth it even if we could manage it. For years before she went to the nursing home, when we all went out for a meal, she complained that the place was too noisy and she hated waiting for a table, and then wanted to leave as soon as she was done eating...even if we were not done. And, getting her to a bathroom in a restaurant would be a nightmare. They may be required to have handicapped access, to get into the place, but getting someone in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank attached through the dining room to the bathrorom? Just not worth it.

So, we will bring everything to her.
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Daughterof1930 May 9, 2019
Your plan sounds lovely
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I would make your plans based upon what would be most enjoyable for your mother. Is she up for going out for the day? Or would that be very stressful for her? And/or the rest of the family?

Don't get hung up on guilty thoughts of what you "should" do. ALZ is a game changer and planning a stressful, exhausting day will not be doing anyone any favors.
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