How and when to remove a pet?

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Mom's dementia is worsening and she is starting to change how she treats her dog. Personally, I would love to just walk in there and remove him against her will, but I know that's impossible and would be borderline cruel to both of them. I don't want to wait until he's completely ruined. He is over fed and had gained almost 30 pounds this past year. He should weigh 80 pounds, and weighed 107 yesterday. He had a double ear infection and sores from allergies to the junk food she feeds him. She refuses to feed him dog food. It took me two months to convince her to let me take him to the vet. Now she's resistant to me giving him his medicine. She said she'll do it. She can't and won't take her own meds. How do I know when to do something, and how do I do it? She loves him, but treats him terrible at times, yelling at him and only letting him outside long enough to relieve himself. She never lets him get any exercise. The vet voiced concerned about the obesity, but when I told her about Mom's condition she couldn't really offer any advise on what to do, just apologies for what I was going through.

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I see, I'm so sorry, I assumed you had decision making power already but were reluctant to use it so as not to upset your mom.

While it may be hard, you can call an ambulance for her the next time she is acting out of sorts, that way you won't have to get her in the car. Once in a hospital they can give her a workup and she can see a neurologist, who hopefully will get her the care she needs and give you the power to make the right decisions.

It sure is a terrible circle you are in.
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Ok, Angelkw, I understand your point, but it just isn't that cut and dry. I'm being told by attorneys and law enforcement that I have no control over anything she does, (and that includes her getting into her van and driving off) unless I have guardianship. I can't get guardianship unless she's far enough along. The only way to determine if she's far enough along is to get her to a neurologist. I can't get her to go anywhere. She is aware something is wrong and she's scare to find out.
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Since your mom suffers from dementia, she is unable to make the right decisions for herself much less any being in her care, like her dog. Her judgement is not sound. You have to make the right decision for her, just the same as you do for her own personal care. If she won't allow anyone to come in and care for the dog, he should be removed. The dog should not have to suffer. Obesity in dogs can cause a lot of complications, and can worsen arthritis and back problems as well (just like in people). People food can be poisonous for dogs, and untreated ear infections can cause hematomas that require surgery. It may be stressful for your mom, but the dog is already in a stressful/harmful situation. I also am sorry you are going through this. I am a pet lover and have it written in my living will that when I am unable to take care of my pets that they be placed. I love them too much to have them suffer. I'm sure if your mom was in her right mind she would feel the same for her beloved pet.
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My mother lives alone, but next door to me. We used to get along well, but the past few months she has changed and has gotten more reclusive and combative with me. She is refusing my help with anything. She is jealous of the dog paying attention to anyone but her. As I said, I had trouble getting him to the vet. The biggest problem , of course, is getting the right help for her. She is refusing to leave the house to do anything. She has stopping letting me take her to the Doctor, the doctor said it was time for her to see a neurologist. I can't even get her to go to the store with me anymore. They said get her in the car and take her directly to the emergency room and tell them what's going on. I can't get her in the car with me any more. I very well can't call an ambulance just because she is acting strange.
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Does your mother still live alone? Can you tell us a little bit about her accommodations? If no one is there helping to oversee the care of your mother and her dog, I don't know how much you can do. It is difficult to reason with people after they reach a certain stage of dementia. Is there anyone who can come in and help out with the dog. I know the dog would love to have someone take it for walks -- maybe even a trip to the dog park so he can get some exercise. If you know someone who wants to do it, it would be great. In some places, you can hire people to do it. It may ease your concern about the dog's care.
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