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Right now I am caring for my Gramma who had been tossed into nursing homes and bounced around for 2 years by her own children. I came home from Texas where I had moved to get away from this bunch of losers so called family over 3 years ago. Now to make sure she doesn't have to spend her last confused short time she has left all tied down in some cold lonely nasty nursing care place I came to do the right thing and if it kills me I won't let her down on my promise that she never has to go back. she has 4 adult children who have taken everything of value she had, and threw her away to die. She was a HUGE enabler in the dysfunctional unit because she felt guilty for her kids dad who abused them so she overcompensated by giving them everything and not letting them be responsible for anything. she had 6 kids her2 youngest died before they were even 50 yrs old due to drugs and drinking. they still lived with her at the time. now in the place she rented after being evicted from everywhere they went because of her kids...she has been at this location for over 17 yrs. now only the oldest son remains living here and he is trying to push her/us out. I cant even describe the feeling of rage and disgust I have for this poor excuse for a son. I need to get her out of her if we are ever going to allow her some good, comfortable, happy moments before she passes. but we are broke, i have no income, shes on widows benefits and we can't make it to move out on our own. Is there anything i can do about the way he is treating her and trying to make her want to leave? its very sneaky, subtle mental abuse that can't really be proved. I'm so freaking ready to go insane :( she suffers from depression (as do I ) dementia, blood pressure issues, immobility, and is going down hill quick...like she is giving in to make him happy....she is a huge peace keeper. won't stand up for herself at all. i dunno what to do or where to turn.

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You're a good granddaughter. Make her son pay the expenses that you're going to incur. He found the money to put her into asst. living, so he's got access to money somewhere. Don't let him give you an excuse why he can't come up with the money you need to her care.
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Im sorry for the confusion I was a bit no, really emotional when I wrote this orig question. I have already moved in and have had her home with me at HER home that she rents with her so called son. He doesn't want her here he thought he had already been done with her by throwing her into any old nasty assisted living home and she would just die there. But then I came home from texas to get her out and have been taking care of her 24/7 since may 29th.
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keepingmyword, your grandmother needs care. I worry if you nor she have much income, how are you going to be able to afford the care. Who will pay the rent and utilities? Who will buy the gas to take her to the doctors? How will you have nutritious meals? You may be acting in love, but I agree with Nancy that you need to put a plan in place before doing anything. Otherwise you may end up making things more difficult for the both of you.
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Make sure that your disdain for your family isn't clouding your judgement about the care your grandma needs. I mean you already said she has dementia, that is only going to get worse you know so you need to be prepared to take care of her. Are you going to be able to take care of someone who has dementia? That could be a full-time job, so how will you be able to work and bring in money too? Are you sure the nursing home she's in is actually 'tying' her down, or are you just so disgusted with the whole thing that that's what you think? Someone is paying for her to be there right? That responsibility is going to fall to you, as you've already stated, so even if you decide that she can't live with you but you want to change nursing homes, or find an Adult Foster care place, who's going to pay for that? I know you heart is in the right place, and I know you're madder then heck at your family's treatment of your grandma, but you also have to be logical about this stuff. There was a time that I would've done anything for my grandma too, so I know how you feel. But you have got to have a plan. Find out exactly from the doctor what is wrong with your grandma. Don't settle for second hand information. Go to the 'horses mouth' so to speak before you do anything. Good luck. Sorry about grandma though.
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