Household items for blended families.

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Dad now lives with us, and when he moved here he brought his favorite stuff. Some of it still stored in our carriage house. However as far has worsened, instead of his favorite chair he needed (and we bought him) a lift chair with ottoman. Also his bed was a queen, now he needs (and we bought him) a medical adjustable bed. It occurs to me that we have spent our money to provide what he needed-- can we safely get rid of (donate) his old stuff? Not much room to store the old.

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I hear you Vicky, when my FIL was moving out of his apartment, to come live with us, of course he couldn't bring everything, and he was putting "amounts" on everything he and my MIL hd ever purchased. It all seemed like such a waste to him, donating his OLD, but nice furniture, as we had no room in our home to bring all of it. It's probably the result of them living through tough times, the depression era. If he is truly never leaving, then IMO, its out of his hands, and his decisions on what to do with it all. You need to free up space in YOUR home, so do it when he isn't looking or be Very frank with him, as long as he is still able to understand. It's your home, he is a guest. It's your decision
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He is here in our home, until the end. He has CHF and could be within a couple years of the end. That is why he moved in with us to begin with, i am a SAHM and we also have a fairly large 2.5 acre lot with an older farmhouse, and a carriage house (basically oversized garage with rustic finished space above it). He himself cannot climb the stairs into the carriage house, but he knows we put some of his treasures out there and he can see it from the kitchen table. I wonder what he is thinking. The replaced bed and chair, we paid for it, because he complained so much about the costs, everything seems so expensive to him, but to us, it was so hard to see him struggle to get out of bed, or his chair, so we just felt it was right thing to do, for him. OTOH, the carriage house storage space is jammed packed We cant even get to our holiday lawn ornaments which are now buried....so I did talk with dad about maybe donating some of the stuff he wont be needing. He said he' ll give it some thought. His mind is still very good! But i feel time is shorter than he knows.
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Does he ever go to the carriage house? Would he know if stuff disappeared?

I would sooner get rid of the bed and chair than papers or nicknacks. You could tell him they just got moldy. What I'm doing with my husband's computer magazines is to throw them out a year at a time, but I will always keep one year's worth, and tell him the others are in the cellar, and I'll get them tomorrow.

Cure for cancer? How about a cure for hoarding?
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From personal experience, when my FIL moved in with us 13 years ago, my husband built a nice shed in the way back of our backyard, and all of my inlaws "sacred" belongings went out there, at least, the ones that we didn't blend into our already overflowing household. In the past few years, my husband has been going through all that Stuff, and more than 1/2 of it is now way outdated boxes of paperwork, which he took for shredding at one of the free monthly bank shredding events (nice option though, huh?) Our bank holds. The rest, is things we would never need or want. My FIL is now 86, and he won't want 99.99% of it either, so it was a waste, spending all that money building it in the first place, though will hopefully be a selling point, when we sell our home! Grrr! There is one big steamer trunk, filled with memorabilia, which hubby will need to decide what to do with, and this is where all the bodies are buried (another story, secrets, secrets...), but 99% of this, we don't want either!

I say GET RID OF IT! It's your house, so tell him you just don't have the room to store it any longer! Maybe some of it can go to otheres in need, but it's outdated, old, and possibly stinky! Its easy enough to get new, even if you have to buy off of Craigslist, or second hand, and probably No One will want it either!

If he ends up Ever moving out on his own, probably the most he will need can be wrangled out of your home anyways, as he is likely to go to a Senior Living Apartment, Assisted living, or a Nursing home, all of which are generally very small and can't hold a lot. Spare yourself the aggravation, and get rid of it, I mean Donate it all to someone deserving! 😉
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Hang on to it for what purpose? Does he ever expect to live on his own again, so that he might need these things? Is that realistic? Wouldn't he want to take the adjustable bed and lift chair with him, even if he did move? So what is he going to do with queen size bed? Maybe you could gently ask these questions.

Also, assuming you continue to store these items indefinitely, what does he want you to do with them after he dies?

Questions like that might help him think this through better.

I have to say that I have a very hard time parting with things. I'd probably tell you the same thing -- hang on to the stuff, please. But I think I could be guided to think more rationally! (I hope.)

Another thought is to get a brochure from a storage place and show him what storing these possessions would cost per month.
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He wants to hang onto it, but theres not much room to keep it. Maybe he could give some of these things to nieces or nephews who are young and starting out. Will have to ask him!
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What is his opinion about what should be done with the old stuff?
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