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When she passes, My two grown brothers will still be in the home. One does not work (currently taking care of mom), and the other works a menial job and could no way afford to pay the property taxes, insurance etc to keep the house. I once mentiond that when when mom passes we will need to put the house up for sale and split the proceeds. They seem to think that they can remain in the house. Has anyone else been in a situation like this. I don't want to have bad blood, but I also don't want to have my name on a house that a. I'm not living in, b. that I will be legally responible for 1/3 of costs, and c. don't want to have to wait for my brothers to pass or move before I receive waht was willed to me. Has anyone else been in this predicament?

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Your mother has already stated her wishes by stipulating that the house be divided equally between the three of you. A will is a legal document and must be probated exactly as written and in a timely manner. Of course, this applies only if your mother passes away before she has to apply for Medicaid. In that case, her money (if she has any) needs to be spent down to $2000. Then when she dies, Medicaid may be able to do estate recovery and grab the proceeds from the sale of the house. Then neither you or your brothers will get anything. The house will not be lost if your mother agrees to sign the house over to her caretaker son before she applies for Medicaid. I see you've already heard about this from reading your post: it's called the "Caretaker Child Exemption" - Google it for more info. In a nutshell: if an adult child has lived in the parent's home for more than two years for the purpose of caring for that parent(s), the home can be signed over to the adult child. This will save the family home, but will cause a whole slew of other problems: the child will be completely responsible for all the bills and upkeep of the house and will not be able to use any of your mother's money to pay for any of it. The lookback period for Medicaid is 5 years and, if they see a Caretaker Child transfer, will REALLY scrutinize ALL your mother's spending in that 5 year period. Any cent of hers spent on the house, utilities, etc will be considered "gifting" and will give you LOTS of trouble when applying for Medicaid. Essentially, your brother will be the owner of the house and will need to use only his own money to pay for it. As for your other brother, the eldercare lawyer I spoke to told me only one child can be claimed as the "Caretaker Child". I strongly suggest you speak to a lawyer about your situation. This eldercare stuff can be a slippery slope. I have a situation going on with my own brother and mother right now which is a real doozy. If I start writing about it I'll never stop, so I think I'll just stop here. I wish you all the luck in the world and urge you to speak to a lawyer, social worker, anyone you can get info from. This is all very scary and stressful and I believe living through the last few years with my situation has shortened my live. I've found strength by reading this wonderful message board and other ones like it and knowing there are many people out there living through hard times with their elderly parents and siblings. We're not alone.
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Thanks. I just found about about the law that says that if a grown child provides the care to the parent then they can keep the house. My only concern is whether they would actually be able to keep the house (affordably speaking) the brother that provides the care has not work for the past 8 years (part was prior to mom needing help) and has his own issues, the other brother works a job that doesn't pay much. With property taxes, insurance, utilities not to mention food etc. I don't know how they could afford it. I doubt if caretaker brother would be able to get a job at this point of the game. Can't help but wonder if we'd just be better off selling and splitting the proceeds. In that case they would both have a good chunk of money to live off of or pay rent on a more affordable place.
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If you really don't want any part of the house, have your mother sign it over to your brothers now. They will not lose it if they actually live there and are her caregivers. I am in a similar situation. Mom owned a 4 family house that she has lived in her whole life, and I have lived here my whole life also. The house is now in my name, along with all the tax, water, insurance and other bills. As I have been at home caring for her 24/7 for the last 2 years +, It is tough keeping up. The majority of my siblings wanted me to have the house, as they all have $$ and their own homes. The only 2 that might object to not getting their share, are both into owing Mom for borrowing at least $30,000 each from Mom years ago.
The house was always in trust to all 7 of us to keep things fair, but Mom's lawyer told us to put it in my name so the state couldn't take it when her money ran out. There is a law that says as long as I live with and care for her, they cannot take the house. We had a door cut through from our apartment to hers, to make everything legal.
So take care of this as soon as you can, and both you and your brothers should be set.
As caregivers, we have to protect ourselves from all kinds of legal sh!!!. There's are few laws that keep us safe, and very little help for our situations. Good luck and talk to your mom soon!
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I had a girlfriend that her husband got killed storm chasing and the house went to her and the adult son,who was her step son-she did not want to move,he wanted the house sold-she didn't, court battle occured]the courts advised them for the wife to buy out the sons part,which she did.Of course they wereout of of all kinds of money after court battle,lawyers are always the winners in fueding families-she and her step son had been close up until then. I'M personsonally a believer in doing what the person wants that has worked hard to obtain the property and the owner,my dad told my brothers group of lawyers "I've worked hard all of my life,why can't I give my land to who I want,I'm tired of ya'll[the lawyers]trying to take advantage because I'M sick and old. That group of lawyers backed off,but after he passed another group was gott,they will be the only winners in the end also,lawyers love fighting families. I PERSONALLY AM A BIG BELIEVER IN KEEPING THE WISHES OF THE DYING.I would want someone to do that for me.I'm also changin my own WILL this week because of last weeks discussion,and my doubts about who I left in charge.I would wait until she was in good mood,that rule of thumb applys to all business dealings,that go sucessful.
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Good question. I havn't wanted to broach the subject with her. She's still made at me for cleaning up her house (she's a hoarder) so she would be allowed to come home from Rehab. Guess I should put on my big girl panties and just ask. That would certainly solve the problem. I really don't care if she wants to change the will and leave it to my bros who live there. I have a house and don't "need" the money. Thanks for making the suggestion. (Kicking myself....didn't know why I didnt think of that : )
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How does your mom want this to be handled?
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