My mom has taken a bad decline just in last two weeks. She’s alert some moments and not at others. She has already started to rattle when breathing and it’s getting worse. Yesterday while she was alert she became very hostile towards me. Said I’ve never helped her and not taking good care of her. Hearing those words tore my heart apart. She was screaming and cussing (she normally doesn’t cuss) telling me she’s sick of me and how I treat Her. Before she acted in the manner her cousins (75 years old also) showed up from out of town to visit. Keep in mind I had NO idea she was coming. Since she’s arrived my mom has become very aggitated with me. Refusing her meds. Spitting them out. I realize She’s not in her right mind right now but this is very difficult. And how does one feel it’s ok to barge in at a relatives house and say their staying a week? I’m gonna lose my mind! I do Not want to be angry at this close to my mom's passing. What do I do? How do I handle this? I’ve prayed and cried the entire night
I would do nothing for this visitor. Don't try to be a good hostess. I might say to her now that Mom seems to be declining and her visit is just not a good time, would she mind cutting her visit short. That you are under a lot of stress at this point and having another person around is adding to the stress. Or, take advantage of her being there and get out of the house. But don't allow her to stay more than the week.
If you don't have hospice, you may want to get them in. Mom will be made comfortable. Morphine will help with her pain and breathing.
I'd start by telling the relatives that they need to move to a hotel. "No, really, you've got to go. This isn't working for me".
Next, is mom on hospice? If not, arrange that RIGHT NOW.
If she IS on Hospice, call the 24 hour nurse line and repirt mom's change in behavior. She may have a UTI or she may need meds to calm her. Or both.
Please let us know how you are doing.