I put an elderly relative whom I'm caregiver for into the VA hospital for treatment of a urinary tract infection and painful legs, probably arthritis. He's been bedridden for the past few days. Now a team at the VA has told me they want to refer him to a nursing home on a permanent basis. I said I could probably handle things as long as I could get a visiting nurse to help me change him and his bedding each day for less than an hour. They claim a visiting nurse has to come for three or four hours at least, which I know is nonsense because I've had them come for half an hour for this relative and my mother before him. I know the VA wants to be done with him and get him off of their hands, but I feel annoyed at being lied to and with their relative insensitivity. No, these are not evil people, but they want to do what's most expedient whereas that might not work for me or my relative, who is very happy at home. Confusing the issue is that my caregiving duties have increased lately and I fear my own health may have been compromised, so part of me just wants to let them do what they want to do, yet I feel disloyal to my loved one at the same time. I think people just assume you want to put the older person in a nursing home when in reality you have very mixed emotions about it. Anyone been in this situation with a hospital/doctor or the VA? Any thoughts would be appreciated.