I have been given a list of contracted homes that will take a patient with my spouse's needs for care. He has a tracheotomy and there are no local based places that will take a patient with a tracheotomy. I have been given a list of places that are over an hour away and I am not able to make that travel every day or have any place to stay closer to my spouse to ensure he is being given the best treatment and not being mistreated. I would bring him home if I had just one person to be here with me to help with his care. Another problem is a decent bed. I have an older house and I don't know what they have to have n the way of current and plugs for the bed he would need. I am basically told that I have either to "step" him down from the acute care he is getting or make him comfortable and let him die. My mind is in a panic and this day I have to make calls to people to see what I can arrange. I have no family willing to help except to be critical of my situation. What can I do?

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I'm so sorry that you are faced with this horrible dilemma. Have you talked with the doctor about your husband’s life expectancy? Do you know your husband’s end-of-life wishes? Does he want to be kept alive no matter what or does he want comfort care?

Hospice help is available for people with less than six months to live. Some communities have hospice centers where patients can live. They also provide beds in the home and help with care.

If your husband is not considered terminal then you may have to have him moved and then placed on a list to be moved closer to you when there is an opening. Have you talked with a pastoral counselor? You don't have to be heavily religious to receive some helpful advice. Hospice also has counseling for loved ones.
In the end, there is no easy decision here. Talk it over with his doctor and see what is advised. Ignore family members who won't do anything but criticize. You are trying to keep your husband comfortable even if he can't be cured. That involves many hard decisions.

We are with you in spirit. Please keep coming back to gain from the wisdom on this community. There's bound to be one or more people here who have had to make a decision similar to yours.

Take care of yourself, too.
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