Hospice, it's lonely...

Thank you, BarbBrooklyn. I agree I think people are afraid of the topic of death, that it's uncomfortable. When I was younger I'd be nervous to bring it up for fear of bringing up something potentially triggering, if that makes sense. (A bout of sobbing or whatever...)
I think just about anything is fair game in talking about a dying loved one, aside from "You SHOULD do this before they die" or "You mean she hasn't died already?"

Oddly the one person who annoys me the most is the one who never acknowledges anything I say. I don’t expect a lot, but when this person goes on about tv shows she’s watching, lawn furniture she’s bought, or expresses anger over her tax bill slowing her plans to buy a winter home, it makes my blood boil. I don’t expect to bend an ear but an “I’m sorry, that has to be tough” would be nice. You know, just to know that this person, who I’ve listened to about everything and anything, is listening to me for once.
maybe I’m just being angry over that, though, as an alternative to crying?

That's nice of her. My mother hasn't been in hospice for long, but she's been declining for many years. (Dementia, hard of hearing, delusions, growing weaker, diabetes …)
Yes, I did talk to the social worker. She was very nice. Also she said to call them ASAP if my mother was uncomfortable, etc., so it's nice to know they're looking out for her needs and are willing to listen to me. My husband is supportive and a few others have been really nice, but it's one of those situations where you realize who really cares.
I think dementia can be frightening if you've never been exposed to it, or to mental illness (sometimes they seem shockingly alike). If people understood that it's kind of a distorted reality and that the patient is experiencing things through a kind of warped glass or something, maybe that would help.

A counselor sounds like a good idea. I used to go ages ago, and it did help. It's strange that friends wouldn't at least want to show some support, you know? When you go through something major of watching a loved one suffer or die...
Why doesn't dialysis qualify him for hospice? Is it because it's considered treatment instead of just maintaining one's comfort in their final days?

So very true! Everything changes.

ACaringDaughter,

There is truth in what you say. Better not to say anything rather than something hurtful or even stupid! I have a friend who constantly tells me that I am so lucky to still have my mom at 93. When I say I am tired or frustrated because it’s hard she tells me how she wishes she still had her mom around. This woman is 79 years old! Like she would enjoy taking care of someone when she needs assistance herself. That’s just crazy talk to me. Plus her dad died when she was five. That factors into it as well. I’m sorry she lost her dad young but it doesn’t lessen my burden and whenever she calls she NEVER asks about me, only my mom. If I tell her something annoying that mom does, she will say, your poor mom, never seeing that mom is a challenge for me at times. But she loves to talk about nutty stuff that her mom used to do. I don’t do that to her. I listen but I get sick of no reciprocation.

For some who haven’t cared for others personally, they simply aren’t able to understand. They haven’t walked a mile in our shoes, no clue whatsoever.