At 91 years old, only a few months ago, although frail, as my best friend and room mate she was full of life and very mentally alert. Then in February we lost a family member to cancer, her only grandson. Although an adult with a family of his own and an entrepreneur, he was always Mom-Mom's boy. Her health declined rapidly after his death, including delusions and calling out to already deceased family members in her sleep. She would say she couldn't grieve and each time she would try to talk about it (he was my only nephew) I would say "I can't talk about it". She needed counseling, she needed to talk about it, I now know. I feel I let her down. Also I'm on leave of absence from work to care for her and am literally watching her leave us, she's failing more each day. My heart is breaking and every cross word I ever said to her in anger is coming back to me in tears of guilt. She managed to mumble yesterday "You're so nice", I had to question her if she knew who she was talking to and she responded "my baby girl". She's lived with me for over three years; I am losing my best friend and the best Mom a person could ever imagine. I am trying to seek grief counseling for obvious reasons but on top of everything else, my company also cut my leave short and I could lose my job if I don't go back very soon. I have no money to pay private nurses and I refuse to leave her. Back to the original question HOW DO I STAY SANE WHILE WATCHING MY MOTHER DIE???? I can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Hospice offers counseling for family members as well. Speak with them. It sounds like a lot is piling up on you, more than just your Mother's decline, and being able to see things as separate issues might help. My heart aches for you.
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