Hospice. How do you just sit and wait for someone to die?

Im so sorry your dear sweet dad is preparing for his final journey. I too, am glad he is on Hospice. I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer and even though i worked in oncology it was different when its your loved one. and i had him on hospice as well. Do what you are doing, talk with him, play some of his favorite music, read some of his favorite bible passages or books he loved. As his time here on the physical plane gets less, talk with him, let him know how much you truly love him and that you will be okay when he passes. You also need to make sure you get some rest, maybe take a short walk outside if theres a garden or trees close by, and eat something even though you may not have an appetite. Please know that the wonderful folks on this forum truly care and will be praying for you and your dad. Blessings, Liz

Also, Hospice does provide grief counseling and i would encourage you to speak with them....

How do you do it? You just do because there is no other choice. When my brother died of cancer he was never awake any time I visited him over the last month or so of his life in a residential hospice, I remembered him asking me to hold his hand once because he was scared, so that's what I did. I've learned a lot since then and I wish I had said and done more - in retrospect I'm not even sure he knew I was there because I didn't try to wake him or talk to him. Just do what feels natural, and don't feel embarrassed to say or do whatever is in your heart.

So sorry you’re going through this. My dad died at age 90 this past summer in his home with hospice care. It was very hard to get through his final weeks, but also a privilege to see him out of this world in the way that he wished. Hold you dad’s hand, reassure him of your love and care, know that he’s at peace, know it’s okay if you miss the actual moment he passes, and be kind to yourself. These are hard days, your dad is blessed to have you with him

Im so sorry u r both going through this. It certainly sounds like the bedt choice for him.

I'm so glad you placed him under hospice care. You say he is comfortable and allowed to have visitors. Wonderful. "How do you just sit and wait for someone to die?". Don't know. But for those of us who have experienced the death of a LO, you do what you think will give both you and your dad comfort. You're already doing that. Holding hands (touch is very important), talking to him (he hears you) then take a break and read your book. Peace will come to both him and you when you realize he will die and that you've done your best.

I am so sorry for this grief. I am so glad your father has so much love. The fact he has had a good long life doesn't make the loss of him easier. I was in health care all my career also; I have always seen death as our last great adventure, the unknown, the mystery. I don't fear it at all, but I DO fear suffering, and I am so glad your Dad isn't suffering. I am thankful he is medicated. Please take good care of yourself as you can, try to think good memories of your Dad to help him from you on this next journey. So thankful you can be with your Dad; I couldn't be with my much loved bro last May, and could only have hospice worker hold phone to him, and have him squeeze his hand to know he could hear my words; He was in that dream state, and otherwise not able to respond. I know a little of what you are feeling. After my bro's passing I was surprised to feel some actual relief, that I no longer had to suffer for him, no longer had to see him suffer, no longer had to fear for him; that he was at peace. I hope that will come in some small manner for you as well.

It's very, very hard. I did it with my dad, too.

The good thing is that people don't usually die with no warning. Their breathing changes, and the hospice nurses will notice. You can get your rest and have them call you if they notice his breathing changing.

I was taking a much-needed nap when my dad's breathing changed. The nurse had been sitting with him, went to the restroom, and when she came back, she noticed the change. She told my brother, who woke me up, and my dad passed about 45 minutes later with all of us by his side.

Ann--
I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I, too, sat vigil for my daddy. I watched cartoons with him, whether he was lucid or not, sang to him, fed him popsicles and administered the morphine & Valium. Talked to him when he was awake, or not.

Just a trying time--but to me, it was beautiful and sweet. I knew his body was just preparing to let his spirit go. I'm lucky in that he loved me so much, and the last few weeks were peaceful and painless for him.

There's no 'right way' to do hospice. Let dad be your guide and God bless you with some sweet moments along the path.