I divorced 6 years ago, and moved to New Mexico to help my aging parents. My mom died 3 years ago, and my dad, now 94, was pretty devastated and kind of sat down and waited to die. I recently moved him to a nice little assisted living house and he is as happy as it is possible for him to be there. I also began living with a man and purchased a house.
When my daughter, who lives in New York City, had a baby recently, I rented an apartment, and went to help her with daycare for 4 months. I love it! Also, my only other daughter has a family in the same area, with an 8 and 10 year old, so I see them regularly also. I love it, and I am seriously thinking of making this a permanent arrangement if I can swing the finances. My partner is sad but understanding and supportive of this choice. We have yet to work out the logistics, but he may stay in my house and care for it, and also look after my dad. He and my dad are not close, but he is willing to bring him his mail, and look in occasionally. I have no siblings, but my dad has a couple of friends my age who also look in on him and visit. I pay his bills and handle his finances. The relationship with my partner is a mix of good and bad (he struggles with alcoholism). So that remains to be seen how that will play out anyway.
The problem is my dad. He is sad and misses me. Also, I am really his only caretaker. Friends are fine, but I am his only family nearby. And I feel so guilty.
My plan is that I will divide my time, maybe fly back once a month. I want to try this for a year. I want very much to be involved with my grandchildren and they are only little for such a short time, so I feel I need to do it now. Also, I am active, and can join some groups and make some friends now, so that when I am needier as I age, I will already have made a home in New York instead of coming there and being isolated and dependent on my kids for my social life. I feel selfish, and yet, I also feel I have made all the decisions in my life based on what I feel others need and I want to do this for me. Family means more than anything else to me, and yet I am abandoning some family to be with others.
I'd appreciate hearing from others who live in two places, give care to a parent long distance, have long distance relationships with a partner, or just objective observations. Thanks!