I am the only surviving child of my 81 year old father and have just recently learned that the family home, which was promised to me as my inheritance for the entire course of my lifetime, is now in total jeopardy of being lost to Medicaid. Both of my parents were always very real estate savvy where as I was more unaware for several (totally inexcusable) reasons. Normally a person of my age (53) would not be totally dependent on their future inheritance for a place to live, but I was forced to leave my long term marriage (26 years) with little more than a promise to be allowed to live in the marital home for life and long term alimony payments. Due to my own stupidity, naivety, and however else it could be described - I am now in a bad position and was totally relying on my parent's promises of the inheritance as my safety net. Now I learn that should my father need to go into a nursing home for an extended stay, even though he owns his home outright, there is a very high chance Medicaid will seize his assets before allowing him to enter any nursing facility, or else he will have to pay for his own medical care which will quickly eat up any savings he claims to have. This seems to indicate, in my view, that I am now very highly likely to end up totally homeless since he has never wanted to sign the home over to me, still to this day does not want to sign the home over and is content to just hope he dies suddenly and let everything stay as it is legally. I am beside myself with grief since this most likely means not only will I not inherit the family home (which my deceased Mother always viewed as my (and her beloved grandchildren’s future inheritance) but my six children, ten grandchildren, and the entire family will not have any inheritance from me or my parents. My grown children’s father has proven to be totally untrustworthy, unreliable, and mentally unstable and there is certainly no guarantee they will inherit anything from him either, as he has since re-married and cared only for his second family, although may soon be divorced from his second wife. This is a truly devastating situation and I am not quite capable of recovering fully from this terrible news, and feel very embarrassed to have been so foolish and not have learned more about the Medicaid system earlier. Be that as it may, I am still my father's only surviving child, and the only person who cares enough for him to help him in any way. He is totally proud, obstinate, offensive, controlling, demanding, and I am now finally accepting narcissistic. My original question was to be: how can an only child get over the resentment felt for the loss of a very needed home and still care (cheerfully) for her aged narcissistic father who she already felt much anger towards for other long standing emotional abuse issues? He still resides in the home, has many health issues, refuses any outside help, insists he is fine although will gladly give an itemized list of his ailments, and has an altogether dower look on life and always has. He refuses to take any antidepressants, is drinking daily, states openly he wants to die, and has begun to alienate even his doctors. I am at my wits end and still feel guilty just for writing this, let alone feeling these terrible, mixed up, confusing, debilitating emotions knowing he is very old, very weak, very needy, and very alone. I suppose we both need help now as the stress alone is completely taking over my life, and I really see no hope in the future, yet feel unable to contribute more to his care than being a long distance care giver and being there for him when he needs assistance for doctor and/or hospital visits. Other than that he is on his own and I cannot shake the tremendous guilt, fear, worry, anxiety, and other myriad emotions that accompany caring for someone I feel emotional attachment yet have to keep an emotional/physical distance from for self-protection. Depression does run very strongly in the entire family but was never recognized as a legitimate disease by my father, and has systematically been dismissed as “frivolous,” not deserving of attention (or medication) at least not for him. Perhaps he has changed his views in regards to the treatment of depression in the rest of his family but it is not something he has ever openly discussed, acknowledged, or spoken about with me. I want to be there for him, I do love him, but I am so emotionally distraught I feel like it is better to stay away rather than release any of this animosity towards him at this point in time. That does seem pointless and cruel as he is already suffering, sad, and simply waiting to die which is totally impossible to live with on a daily basis, at least from my point of view. I visit as often as possible, make meals that can be frozen when possible, and otherwise check on him as best that I can; but it feels far from enough, and I know he needs more help. The guilt is awful as is the anxiety, worry and fear.