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He knows my mom will run out of money. My brother was in jail for stealing money from a friend (great guy, right). Now that he has a record, and has been out of work for over 7 years in 55+ he is not considered employable. The only job he can get is kitchen help and he feels he is above this type of work.

For the past 7 years, my mother has given my brother $1,000 - $2,000 per month so he can live in a motel. My brother is a "born again" Christian and is constantly telling my mother that my sister and I are not real Christians. I believe is to manipulate her.

My brother also drives my mothers $30,000 car (she can no longer drive) and places himself in questionable circumstances.

My mother's lawyer, financial advisor, sister and me have told my mother that she will run out of money if she continues giving this money to my brother. The same has been told to my brother but he continues taking his monthly paychecks from my mother.

My brother is not my mother's caregiver, is not POA and until recently has not been named on any of her bank/investment accounts.

In the last 30 days, my brother has taken my mother to her bank to have a new account opened (her prior account had my sister's name on the account which I supported). She only needed new checks so not sure how the new account happened.

My sister is the Financial POA and I am the medical POA.

I feel like this is Elder Abuse - my brother knows that my mother may not have money to live on before long. Due to his financial and job issues, he will not be able to take care of her once the money runs out.

My mother is confused about why financial events occur when my brother is involved but knows what occurs when my sister and I help her with finances.

If I go down a legal path in attempts to help my mother and she finds out, she will never speak to me again. I can be OK with that as long as she retains all of her money OR spends her money on herself.

Is there anything I can do beyond reporting Elder Financial Abuse with authorities? Can someone with FInancial POA prevent my brother from "helping" my mother with ANY financial matter?

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Butterfly, why would someone report gift income on a tax return? It's not taxable income. What would be the point? The IRS and Medicaid eligibility are separate issues. The IRS is much more interested in matching up reportable taxable income to tax returns. There's a program to match up income reported on W-2s and 1099s to the recipients tax returns to determine if all the income has been reported.
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Mom would only be penalized for gifting because of spending down her estate if she were to need Medicaid. And the IRS does look into those gifts, if they're reported by the receiver. Keep clean records. The look back is five years.
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In California I did not have to go before a judge to have my mother declared incompetent. My mother has dementia, does your mother have any mental decline or memory issues that have been diagnosed by a doctor as dementia or Alzheimer's etc.?

I stepped in and stopped my sister from robbing my mother blind and Mom from giving her money to every person who called on the phone or hit the door. Sometimes you have to STOP them from inadvertently harming themselves. Why is POA sister sitting there and not doing something, this MUST come to an end. Call Social Services and Elder Attorney call whomever you must to be able to find out if this is elder abuse and do you have a legal leg to stand on.

If I was POA sister I would gather my paperwork and march myself down to the bank and introduce myself and present papers and Mom's POA and let them know that she will be taking over ALL OF MOM'S FINANCIAL MATTERS DUE TO ELDER ABUSE OR MEMORY ISSUES. All bank accounts would be changed and brothers name removed. POA should then have a heart to heart with you and brother and tell him that as of this very moment, he is cut off from his windfall. If Mom can't drive and wants brother to have the car make sure it is signed over to him to get it out of Mom's name and legal responsibility.....He may need a place to live!

Brother knows he can manipulate Mom and he does it well. Mom may be upset, mine was, but honestly I don't give a crap, I did what I did to try and save her from herself and I would do it again!

If you try to go the route of Guardianship, it is expensive, time consuming and you have to have doctors willing to sign papers stating she is incompetent. Taking over as POA is easier. I would make sure I have already done everything that needs to be done before I ever mention it to brother and get all the checkbooks and get them out before even telling Mom. You mother will be angry but you have to realize you are trying to help HER!

Do you realized that if brother spends all her money or if she becomes horribly ill tomorrow and has to go into a nursing home, you could not even get the help of Medicaid because you brother is spending her money. There is a 5 year look back and they are going to want to know where all this money has gone and they will not touch her with a ten foot pole due to the squandering of her money.

Unless you and POA Sis are wealthy and can pay for Mom's care, you better stop it now! I did and although it has been hard at times I know I did for her benefit and not allowed sister to use Mom's money as her personal bank account.

Don't be surprised if brother doesn't try to get Mom to sign papers making him POA. If Mom has dementia or Alzheimer's legally she cannot change her POA as she in not considered mentally competent.
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Yes, you could find Mom penalized for gifting, and enabling brother to avoid washing dishes for a living is not a good thing. Depending on how the POA is written, it may kick into effect and give the POA powers with just incapacity letters or a guardianship may be needed. An eldercare attorney or estate planner familiar with the laws in your state would be a huge help and could keep it confidential even form Mom most likely, and the initial consultation could be substantially less than she is shelling out monthly.

BTW, a "county home for the indigent" does exist in many places - it could either mean the few homes that accept Medicaid, or back in Pittsburgh they have an actual one called Kane Care. Some of their centers are really quite good, others you would not choose if you could possibly go elsewhere. My mom once inappropriately was sent a bill that had not been properly submitted to insurance and actually packed a small bag and told the front desk she was out of money and knew she would have to go to Kane Care, when would they pick her up? I gave the nitwits who did that what for, told them how to submit to her insurance (there was a little glitch to it, you had to call a certain number for it) and get ALL bills to ME as POA, period.
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Just a few comments. In Vegas we have lots of "weeklies", which are motels that can be cheaper than an apartment. They come with furniture and all utilities. Many lower income adults and families use them because when you add up the other expenses in an apartment (deposits, power etc.) they are cheaper. Brother probably won't starve either. He might be reporting that he has no income, is truly homeless and getting SNAP (food stamp) benefits. Gifts of income over $14000 are still nothing the IRS is going to care about or that he would end up paying tax on. The giver of the gift would be responsible first of all for any taxable gifts, not the giftee.
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Your Mom can open any account she wants as long as she can walk in to the bank, show her ID and sign her name. She may add anyone to this or any other account she has at that bank. Your sister, the Financial POA, needs to take control of the money, now. If she doesn't understand how important it is to qualify for Medicaid and your brother doesn't care, As the Financial POA you do have the right and the responsibility to officiously override your older parent's or brothers known, impracticable wishes. Your job is to take care of your Mom financially and make sure she will qualify for Medicaid in the future. Here is what I did, first I went down to the local Police Department and talk to a couple of detectives, They said I could press charges if I wanted to but recommended I let them go talk to him and warn him he is breaking Elder Protection Laws and if they get another report he will be arrested. Ask them not to tell him who made the complaint. Here is what I did to get control of the money, as the Financial POA I walked into that same bank with my POA and open a account for your Mom and I. Next I transferred all the money out of the account in question except a couple of hundred and had all automatic deposits go into the new account, now I opened an online account for my Mom before anyone else could so I can transfer money into Moms account as she needs it and the balance is protected from anyone that gets her banking information. This a good idea even if you don't have a problem, If your Mom used her card at Target the hackers would only have access to what ever is left in that account after her shopping trip is taken out. Now work something out with your brother, if your mom owns a house there is plenty to do to keep the house clean and safe. To avoid tax problems have your brother go down to a local temp agency and signup, have him explain your Moms POA is going to call and setup an account and she is going to want you to do the work for your mom. They will cover him on Workmen's Comp insurance and take out all payroll taxes and give him a check. You can call in hours as the work gets done and your Mom will get tax deductions for some of these services. Make sure your Mom's homeowners insurance covers domestic help. Good Luck Gary.
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Is your mother capable of making her own decisions? Is the power of attorney active now or does it only kick in when mom is deemed incapable?
What your brother is doing is financial exploitation, it is abuse without a doubt and it needs to stop. Your mother must take care of her needs first. I can understand her wanting to help a child, however your brother is a big boy, one day mom will pass or run out of money and he won't have that money coming in; he needs to take care of himself. If he is a Christian, then he would know taking money from an elder is wrong. Talk to your mom's attorney, look for legal ways to stop the money train..
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There are a lot of facts we don't know here, but some truths are apparent:

1) In the US, competent adults are entitled to make their own decisions, even silly, dangerous, or self-destructive decisions. This is so fundamental to our national belief system it is very hard to overcome.
2) Closing accounts that the brother has access to and opening a new one is so obvious and so simple, that the fact the lawyer doesn't suggest it indicates to me that it is illegal under the circumstances -- that is, unless Mother is willing to have this done, or unless Mother is declared by a judge to be incompetent and in need of protection.
3) Mother wants to help her son. Of course she does. We could speculate all day whether she is enabling him to make bad decisions or whether she is preventing him from making even worse decisions. She wants to help and she is doing it in the only ways she can think of.

Given these three facts, it would seem to me that figuring out ways to help Brother for less money than Mother is spending on him now would be a good solution. But depending on the family dynamics it might be an extremely tough solution to implement. Mother won't live forever, and then what will Brother do? Helping him to start doing it now would be a step in the right direction for everyone.

HateElderAbuse, if you have the strength and the perseverance to help Brother get hooked up to the professional help he needs and to stick with it. you may be doing your mother a great service. That is really expecting a lot of you, and it isn't within your job description as POA.
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If your mother wants to help your brother, an allowance could go to a payee who would pay the rent, make sure the money is not used for drugs. IF your brother can not work, he could apply for social security disability. My guess is he would not qualify, and that might get your mom to see him differently. Definitely get a new account with only the POA signature on it so brother can't tap in directly.

It is very hard to see your child risk themselves, even if they are adults. Write down a copy of the resources in your city with a copy for both mom and brother. Advise mom that THOSE people are professionals who are trained to help her son, she is not abandoning him but pointing him in the direction of improvement rather than remaining the same. It probably would not help to tell her she is actually hurting him by enabling him to remain dependent on others. Remind her that it is a lot like the "terrible twos", he will keep coming to her, and she will need to keep repeating that he has professionals to help him, go to them not her, she is not a professional.
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Jessie I completely agree that the ideal would be to persuade the mother to find better ways to help the brother get his act together. That would change everything.

Your brother's story is so sad. What a tragedy for all concerned. Thank you for letting it be a lesson x
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This is a very complicated situation that is hurtful to every person involved. My family went through this with my older brother. My mother was giving him $1000+ a month to keep him going for a few years. He was an alcoholic. My father did not want her to give him the money, but she couldn't say no to my brother. She felt like she was helping him, but she was hurting him. The end result was that my father hated my brother, the siblings lost any respect or caring for my brother, and my brother was able to continue what he was doing. When he was drinking, which was all the time, he abused the son that my mother was paying to raise. His wife finally left him and my brother drank himself to death. No one cared. Most were actually relieved he was gone.

Everyone in my family kept telling my mother not to keep giving money. She probably gave him in the hundred of thousands over the course of his life. It didn't help him at all, but she couldn't see it. I don't know how to get mothers to stop doing this, since often they see only short-term need instead of long-term effects. HateElderAbuse, if you have any influence, you will be helping all involved to try to stem the money flow to your brother. Those lowly jobs look a lot better when the stomach is empty.

Being a born-again Christian doesn't impress me much. I taught some classes in the prisons for 12 years and I have seen many men get born again for their parole hearings. And they remained just as evil as before. In my mind, a man born again would not be taking from his mother and giving nothing in return. His actions speak louder than his words.

Try to help your mother understand that she is hurting your brother and not helping him. And try to encourage your brother to find his own two feet. His life is not sustainable this way.
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I'm concerned with your statement "brother isn't on bank accounts until recently..." This needs to stop or be checked on asap. Maybe you can talk to mom and take her to the bank giving a little white lie "there has been a security breach" and "mom, you need to set up new secure accounts, blah, blah"; then proceed in setting up new secure accounts.

See if you can get mom to understand how much she has given brother to date or on annual basis and help her understand what outside care, residential care would cost if something happens to her and how long she will have with all her assets ("3 years mom, or 5 years mom, or only 2 yrs mom if you keep giving Jimmy $1000/month at this rate) -- see if that makes an impact with her.

Tell her to consider cutting brother back to $500/mo (if she can afford) and then say, "mom, we need to help Jimmy stand on his own and manage his money better"....

Tough call, especially if mom is still competent. SHe does have right to disperse funds any way she wants legally; and we have to watch this leech continue to bleed her. Shame on him.
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My brother was doing this with my mom to pay his bills. So I took her to the bank, got her a new account where I am the signer. She does not sign anything. I pay her bills, and she is fine with it. I don't think she knew the difference between $40 and $800! My brother still lives at her house where he basically has a free ride, but she is 90 so it's good to have someone there. I go over every day and take care of her for a few hours, clean the house and keep it running. It worked for me, and maybe it will work for you. I am my mother's POA.
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"Her money" - well said, Braida.

Our problem with this is that we don't actually know what the financial situation is. If the mother is running out of funds to the extent that it will soon have a significant impact on her ability to support herself, the brother can't be paid any more. If it would have some but not a severe impact, the POA has to decide whether the mother in her right mind would be prepared to make the required sacrifice; she could, for example, make the economies Braida suggests, or just reduce the brother's allowance. If in fact the mother's funds won't be depleted unless or until a hypothetical situation arises in the distant future, then there is no valid reason for changing the mother's habitual practice. The reality could be anywhere in this range, and it's the poor old POA who has to make the right call in the end. We shouldn't pretend it's easy.
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I like Ferris' and Countrymouse's answers. They are right. Your mother actually desires to help your homeless brother. I have been through similar events in my family, and with friend's family. The siblings don't like to see the Mom's money being frittered away by a "neyer' do well" but in the parent's eyes, this person has a need that must be fulfilled for the parent to be happy. My Mom did this with my youngest brother. Actually, none of us siblings minded too much, because we saw that his need was greater than ours. One important thing you should attempt to do, in my opinion, and one that would save a lot of the monthly output, is to try to be helpful in ways that your Mom and brother will like, such as GET BRO OUT OF A MOTEL and into a cheap apt. My friend, whose son was holed up in a motel because no apts would accept him, was bleeding my friend with monthly expenses. Even cheap motels are expensive, when compared to the monthly fee of a cheap apt. If bro doesn't qualify for an apt because of his background, possibly Mom could co-sign, and he could get in on a month-to-month lease. That way, Mom can end it without breaking a long lease if she wants to, and she will be a little better off paying maybe 600.00 a month, rather than 1000.00 for his shelter. I know from experience, that your Mom would be very unhappy to all of a sudden be at a loss to help your brother. You made a statement that if you took legal steps to cut your mother's ability to do what she wants with your brother she would never speak to you again, and you'd be OK with that. Are you sure about that? Think of the sadness that would bring to your Mother, and think of the rift it would cause in your family. It may not be worth it in the long run. After all, it's just money! Her money.
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The answer seems simple if you take away the emotions and the right vs wrong aspect of it. Whatever account mom uses to give son his check, close it out and open another one that only the POA has control over. Transfer the funds from the first account to the new account and like someone said, sonny boy can bounce checks from here to Timbuktu.

Cut off the supply.
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The brother would be better off in a group home, he is obviously unable to care for himself. Unfortunately a lot of petty criminals end up dying behind bars. Some are so desperate, they will throw a brick through a jewelry store window as Winter approaches, load their pockets and wait, yes, wait for the cops to take them. Psych centers have disappeared, prisons have expanded. You should pursue an order of protection to keep him away from Mom, and that will encompass explaining to the Judge why she cannot handle her affairs. See an attorney if you can afford the retainer.
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There is more to this situation than what is written so far. Red flag: why would the bank open a new account without checking with the financial POA? Are they aware that someone has that designation? Mom's $'s are to be used for her keep and welfare. If brother is receiving more than $14,000 a year as a "gift" he needs to report the overage. Being a "born again Christian" makes him more accountable in God's eyes and it's guys like him taking advantage of Mom, who give others a black eye. You need Adult Protective Services and a good Elder Attorney to step in. Also the "man financial person" is a good idea, but make sure he is not known to your brother. What a world we live in when all this kind of stuff happens and seemingly there is no way to stop it! Blessings and hugs for caring about your Mom.
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Sorry for the interrupted answer above...Mom can give away her money as gifts. That is not countable income for the son as far as federal income taxes. Don't waste the effort trying to get the IRS to punish the brother. It's not taxable income to him, it's chump change to the IRS, and will come to nothing. (I am retired from IRS.). IMO a financial POA should be concerned about the money situation if mom doesn't understand what happened at the bank. Is mom still competent or not?
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Oh the misinformation! Okay, incompetency doesn't necessarily require a court decision. In my state it just takes a note in the patient's medical records. I just checked on this last week with the elder law attorney who wrote the book on this for my state. And now in 2014 what, pray tell, is the county home for the indigent? Got an address for your county poorhouse? Now about the "paychecks". It doesn't seem to me that this term was meant literally. Mom
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Fulfilling POA responsibility isn't a matter of what's fair treatment of your self or others on your parent's part, it's a matter of ethics and accountability. You have no right officiously to override your parent's known, practicable wishes. If you can't accept, with good grace or otherwise, that sometimes this may mean implementing decisions you don't like or don't agree with, then you shouldn't have taken the job.
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I like the train of thought from "Graciesgirl" to keep track of those "payouts" and talk to a financial advisor about income tax actions that will benefit your parent and make the son be responsible. I think it's tacky how he is getting a handout for doing a few "charming" things. You and your sister get all the grunt work. It's not fair.

Have the financial person who talks to your mom be male, and meet in a business setting if possible. Your mom will probably take this more seriously. I have noticed that women of a certain age have a mind-set to listen to a man. Your brother has got that position right now and he is playing it to his benefit. Get another "sensible" man in a role of advisor to your mom and knock the brother down to being "just another one of the kids." Please get the finances back in order, only to your mother's benefit. And, you don't have to cater to her every "whim" either. I thought I was supposed to grant every wish my parent wanted once she was widowed. It's not financially logical. Now, she's spent most everything, and some went to a "charmer" who lives closer to her than I do. I was stuck with the grunt work. The "charmer" got all the fun and now the money is almost gone. Please, don't let this happen to you.
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Fathers and daughters, mothers and sons. That is the family bond that exists and no amount of complaining about your mother's love for her son will do any good. It is her money and if she is not insane or declared incompetent by a Court, she can do with her money what she chooses. I don't know what the terms of her financial POA state, but perhaps your sister could put another signature required on all checks and notify the bank (give them a copy of the financial POA). My mother helped my brother out like this so I understand the bond. Stop being so jealous of this relationship as you will never understand it.
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If she is giving him monthly "paychecks" he has to file taxes. If he isn't, I would gather up all of the canceled checks and find out how to report him to the IRS. Your sister has the poa power, she needs to close that account and open a new one and not let anyone know. Then he can bounce worthless checks.
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Capacity is the key. If your mother has lost the mental capacity to understand the implications of her decisions, that's the point at which she is no longer competent. You and your sister - your sister in the case of finances - have a duty now to implement your respective POAs; you haven't any choice.

Having said that, I'm interested in this point that "she will run out of money." Is that certainly, numerically, true? Because another duty you have in exercising your POA is to execute what you know your mother's wishes are, irrespective of whether you like them or not; and if the reality, once you've added up, is that $1,000 here or there is not going to make a significant difference, then your sister ought to continue to pay your ne'er-do-well brother if she wants to do the job properly. The point being that any exasperation with or resentment of your brother's freeloading you feel doesn't enter into it; all that matters is whether your mother can actually afford it.

I sympathise with your strong preference for all of your mother's money to be spent exclusively on her. But suppose, for example, she would in earlier years rather have bought her son a holiday (or bail him) than get herself a new car: then you must assume that her priorities are different from yours. Be careful. Try to set aside your dislike of your brother, because it clearly is not part of your mother's thinking; and that is what you must do your best to respect, within the constraints of her budget.
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if your sister is the financial poa, she can stop him, have her handle all the finances, take the checkbooks and savings books away from your mother and let your sister handle the fiances, then the brother will have no choice but to get a job
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Unless your mother can be declared legally incompetent by a Judge, she can fritter away her money any way she wants. Yes the money will be gone, and Medicaid will not help her because she gifted her resources away. She will end up in the county home for the indigent.
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