my son in law works but, his wife my daughter is getting ready to start chemo for breast cancer which is a very aggressive cancer.. only 10 to 20% of women get this cancer (triple negative breast cancer).. she will have chemo and radation.. my son in law employer will not give him any time off from work with pay.. how will he pay for mortgage, food, elec if he cant work due to taking care of her.. I am disabled and not able to help much they have a 8 yr old at home..if he quits his job where can he get help to be a caregiver at home to pay bills

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Another thought - the sounds of housework bothered and disturbed my sister. Even just tearing up junk mail disrupted her rest. So bear in mind that the noise of a vacuum cleaner and/or other household tasks should be put off if they interfere with her rest.
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First, your profile states that you're the one caring for a wife with cancer. Does your wife also have cancer? Or are you writing this for your son-in-law?

Unfortunately, he's going to have to continue work and find other assistance for his wife, but remember, she'll be exhausted from the combination of chemo and radiation and will need a lot of rest. She may need someone for emergencies and food prep, so I'd focus on those things that are necessary and which she may not be able to handle.

However, perhaps he could work part time, or even at home if that's agreeable with his boss.

Having gone through this with my sister, through either 5 or 6 protocols over a 5 year period, this is what I would suggest:

1. If the house is a 2 story one, and there's a bathroom on the first floor, create a living space in the living room to minimize the amount of effort she needs to expend just for daily living. She'll likely be too tired to climb stairs. Bring down a bed, or use a nice comfy couch or sleeper couch, with plenty of blankets.

2. Create spaces around her for everything she'll need during the day - water, meds, phone, address book, etc. The goal is to minimize expenditure of energy when she's physically depleted.

3. Be sure to ask about anti-emetics for the nausea and vomiting that typically accompanies chemo. It was a lot worse when my sister began chemo, and I understand that anti-emitics are prescribed more frequently now but it's still something to watch for. Get advice from the oncologist's nurse, or one of the nurses at the infusion center, on what to watch for as dehydration can occur quickly if she begins vomiting.

4. Arrange for friends and/or family to be on call for ER trips for dehydration. My sister created a network of local friends and co-workers on whom she could call for assistance. Talk with them to see what they can provide. Some might be able to take her to chemo and stay with her afterward; others might provide nourishing foods such as hearty soups.

I found that friends are so saddened when a friend develops cancer that they really, really want to help.

5. Try some thick fruit juices, such as apricot or pear juice, to help with rehydration. At one point, these were one of the few foods that appealed to my sister after she lost her appetite.

6. As FF suggests, ask about a support group; nurses at the infusion center might also have suggestions on where to find a support group, often right through the hospital and the affiliated infusion center.

7. Research the Gulfport, MS area to locate any Gilda's Clubs. It's an excellent source for people with cancer of any kind. Our local one has special support groups for people with different kinds of cancer. It also has music and art therapy sessions, and a wide variety of other activities.

Even if you don't have one locally and can't participate in activities at this point, ask them about resources they might recommend. They might know of an agency that could provide care at home while you're at work.

8. Forget about typical housecleaning chores and spread out the intervals so your daughter doesn't feel obligated to do laundry, dust, etc. when she's ill. Tell your SIL to do a little bit at a time, such as just one load of laundry, so he also has enough time to spend with her without worrying about housework.

9. Explain to the child that he/she will have a chance to help her mother at a serious time of need, and help her to learn to do things like microwave food for meals and other simple things an 8 year old child could do.

10. Since you're disabled, you could do things that don't require physical exertion, such as the Internet research, locating friends and family to help, etc. When someone is ill, there are usually a variety of tasks that people with different levels of time and capability can help with.

I hope you find a path through this medical obstacle course and that your daughter's treatments are successful.
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Sorry to read about your daughter's medical condition. I also have the pink t-shirt.

Depending on where your son works, have him ask Human Resources if he can use FMLA [Family and Medical Leave Act]. This won't pay him anything but will give him several months off and guarantee that his job will still be there when he gets back.

Also have him ask if the company has any type of salary insurance, such as Aflac or MetLife, which would pay some of the salary.

If he quits his job, I don't know of any government program that would pay him to stay home to take care of his wife, and if there was something it would be minimum wage for a few hours a week, not enough to pay a mortgage.

Check with your wife's doctors to see if there a Breast Cancer Support Group that you can contact and ask them if they know of any type of help, such as there are cleaning companies that will come to the house to help clean free of charge.
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