It is Christmas day and I am trying so hard not to cry and just be grateful that I have my mother with me dementia and all. Jusst enough food for her to eat. I will eat ceral and smoke cigarettes! Invited to a friends house but cant leave my mother alone,dont have a car so I cant take her out too cold. She is up in her room staring at a picture of her mother and father, crying. Thats the only memory she can see because her other 2 children have not come to see her and I have no pictures. I have no life,job,money or real friends. My daughter has not ccome to take us to her house for dinner but I guess she has her own family and life. How long can I indure this? Am I gonna ever be happy? Am I ever gonna get on my feet. I cant give presents to my grandchildren but I think they understand. God has already written my path, I just hope I dont leave this worl before I see what happiness he has in store for me. I am so lonley, and my mom is too but I cant even help her get through because I cant help myself get through.