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My BIL is in a NH half way across the country. We can't visit him. We get candy and gift cards for all his nurses each Christmas (they call and say we are the only family to do that). We send him cupcakes from his home area. He doesn't need/want clothes or books or crafts. He has been there for 8 years. He goes to the art and craft activities. We have offered to buy materials. He doesn't wear his dentures we got him. He does paint and I offered to buy art supplies.


He is in an electric wheel chair. I call and ask and he wants nothing. I feel bad. We send photos of our children. We are going to try to get to see him this coming year. Takes all day to get there and is not cheap. Once we are there we can take him out for the day. He has asked for us to visit. Not sure what else to do?

My wife is not a close as she could be with him, too much water under the bridge. She talks to him twice a year when I remind her. He left home when she was 18 so hes never been around her much and he was a lot of trouble at home. I am the one that calls weekly and checks on him and sets up the cards and gifts. Not sure she would want that. He is not in anyway computer literate. I am sure the NH can hook something up. He talks for about 3 minutes when we do call. I call weekly and chat with the nurses and once in a while him.
I will call this week since I have to mail out the packages next week. Ill ask the nurses to see what he needs. He will tell me he needs nothing.
Besides t shirts and other necessities not sure what to do for him.
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Reply to tgengine
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How about an Alexa, so you can video chat with him throughout the year? This way you could visit "face to face" any time you want. It's not quite the same as being together physically, but it's close enough, and the benefit would be being able to "see" each other any time you want!
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Reply to katydid1
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The rub is he is 1800 miles away and I have my father living with me. I have to fly him to his sisters or mine so I have a house standing when I get back. Plus I have to fly 2 of us there.... Figure will cost a cool couple thousand...... Not cheap. When we will visit wont be until April at the earliest due to work schedules.
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Reply to tgengine
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Was going to say the same as Annie, your presence is the present.
I'm sure your generosity and caring over the years has been greatly appreciated by all. Safe travels and enjoy the time together.
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Reply to Caring4Alice
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the visit is what he wants. The most precious gift? the Time spent together. Plan a well spent day. See if there are any activities nearby he may enjoy. Sing or listen to Christmas carols together. Bring something nice to eat-and leave behind: a treat., Bring pictures to share and stories to tell. You are the gift and your time is all he needs. I hope you have a good time together
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Reply to Anniepeepie
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