Should I hire a private nurse for Mom in a nursing home?

Yes,nursing homes are severly understaffed most of the time especially weekends,night shift,during severe weather,and holidays.Burned out staff turnover is another big problem.It is really pathetic if you end up on Medicaid because the care level takes another huge step down.Believe me profit or non profit they are still making tons of money,one of the reasons Medicare/Medicaid are in big trouble.Nursing homes and assisted living are some of the most profitable businesses in the country (why there is one on almost every corner these days).Don't blame the aids or nurses because their wages are at the low end of the medical field stratum!It is all about profit.I kept my mom at home until it was impossible with the help of private caregivers .When she went to the hospital or rehabs we followed the same routine (private caregivers and I full time) because they are just as shortstaffed.When my mom finally had to go to a nursing home full time it became a nightmare because of the above situation and we covered her 24/7.BTW : This place was 'rated' five star.It was not a pleasant experience for my mom,private caregivers or I.Many other families also resorted to the same routine or gave up their life in order to be a watchdog for their loved one.If your loved one has dementia you need to be there a lot and you will be shocked at what is going on in regards to the so called care level of these people.Once again it is all about money/profit.Many nursing homes resent overprotective loved ones and private caregivers because they get to witness the darkside of life in the facility.It sure put the fear of God into me.I never attempted a private nurse because I don't believe any facility would go for that because of the liability.The only way this situation will ever improve is if the Medicare/Medicaid departments really make a serious effort to investigate where all the billions of dollars are going because it sure is not going into the care of the residents.Sorry if I sound bitter but I am because I spent 40 - 60 hrs every week in those places for over six years with my mom.It is bad now and it is hard to imagine what it will be like in the future when the government cuts more money out of the care of our loved ones and eventually us.The only solution will be accountability of whose pockets where all these billions of dollars are going into every day.A typical routine for a nursing home is to dump a resident off on a hospital during a holiday period for four or five days (usually something like a UTI/dehydration) ,government pays 10 - 20 thousand dollars,then on return the nursing home collects 10 - 21 days of skilled nursing care.It is a huge round robin and everyone makes tons of money because the government keeps paying it out until they (us) are broke.See,guys (NH,ASL,Hospitals) who are reading this I know exactly how it works and that is the tip of the iceberg.................And yes these places will always continue to 'win' because there is a infinite supply of customers in the pipeline waiting to get in.

Hello, well my 85 year old mom has been in a nurseing home for 2 months now,they have kept her alive,clean,fed but food is POOR,give meds OK,the rooms clean,gets to beauty shop 1 x week, and have activities she does,she is wheelchair bound, has Alshiemers..But either Myself,Brother or her hired Companion who stays 6am -2pm covers am care and 2 meals,helps some takeing her to bathroom setting up tray and really a watchdog for me about what's really going on there,with mom and whole staff.Plus I am an RN and they know it.They listen what I ask and say to recommend things in a nice way for mom.The companion sitter helps when I can't be there at all mostly when I work my 12 hr shifts 2 days a week,she has helped mom alot they play cards and go around the place.This companion was just for her to adjust but mom says she needs her and well going to keep trying to keep her as long as me and brother can pay her...Really if you can get a good one they are worth it because patients wait a long time sometimes for care,I have seen and someone has to be there visiting and seeing about their loved one or??things can get really lax..blessings Upon You I know this is so hard to put them in a Home but the stress is mostly off me now andt he care although WATCHED is fairly good...

I've know of many people that hire what we call (mom) sitters to help out with people in nursing or assisted living homes. I've even seen several in senior apts. They help with feeding, bathroom times, conversation and they wheel or walk people around to get them out of the room. I don't believe the administration minds the extra attention.

Thanks for your replies. I asked the nursing home admin about the offer by one of their aides to work weekends for Mom...they wanted to know "which aide?" I didn't give them a name and I'm still waiting to hear what their policy is.
I guess my concern is that this aide works for the nursing home right now, so how can she go in there as a "private" nurse on the weekends?
But what I did do about a month ago, was hire a nursing student to stop in and check on Mom up to 5 times each week. I'm paying her $20 per visit to stay for one hour, assess the situation, and email me a report on what's going on. This is how I found out, for example, that Mom had tried to get out of her wheelchair last night and cut her leg. I'm not sure the nursing home would ever tell me that.

This sounds highly irregular. To keep everything above board, arrange a meeting with the manager of the nursing home, and this person. If the person becomes panicky, or agitated, then you knw there's something wrong. If this proposal is agreed by the person, then go ahead with the meeting and only if the manager agrees, then go for it. However, this sounds very hinky to me. A nursing home should not require extra help of this kind surely?

I too know of extra help at nursing homes. Vising Angels is a good place to start for private duty. Sometimes people need extra help at night.

I Think its a very good idea.My Mom and Dad both are in a nursing home and sometimes i have seen things not being done that should.Sometimes when I go to visit my parents smell.I dont get to go often as I am disabled.A personal nurse would be a big help and a blessing

The nursing home my father is in calls me everytime he has a skin tear or is hurt in anyway. They are required to. If this is not happening where your loved one is, you should talk to the social worker.

People need to realize that the $8000 - $9000 (private pay),or approx.$4000 - $5000 Medicaid dollars each month the nursing home collects is for room and board and 'staff' only, everything else is being charged to Medicare/Medicaid.We are talking many,many more thousands each month they are raking in from the government..Let not even talk about all the kick backs from pharma suppliers,ambulance services,medical equipment suppliers,non in house doctors on retainer,personal care, hospitals,etc.With these huge amounts of money being spent every month you would think the care would be premium.It is not.Then the family needs to spend thousands more to hire private caregivers or devote their own time because they can not do their job efficently?This is why Medicare and Medicaid are in dire straights.Nursing homes have some of the most powerful PACS and lobbies working Congress and they almost put to shame many of the other special interests working the government for dollars every day.This is the reason they don't want you to care for your loved one in the private home.

Thanks again for all of your replies. To clarify, Mom is in a private, family-run nursing home that (supposedly) rates high on most lists, but, as several of you mentioned, there is never enough staff on weekends or holidays. We have Hospice, but they only visit 3 times during the week.

Mom is paralyzed on her left side from her stroke last August, so she needs assistance doing almost everything. She can operate the call button, but sometimes it falls away from where her right hand can reach it. And sometimes Mom just can think straight enough to know what to call about.

To those of you who give care at home, I salute you. I don't have the patience or the knowledge to do that myself, even if I didn't live 800 miles away (I fly in about 2 times per month). I don't even know how I would get her to where I live. So she's stuck in the nursing home and I'm stuck managing her care from a distance. A few relatives that live near her do drop in occasionally, but I can't count on them to notice anything or let me know if they do. All that talk about "establishing a care network" kind of falls apart eventually. That's why I hired the student nurse to send me reports...and I specifically instructed her NOT to help the nursing home staff because I didn't want the place worried about liability issues.

Mom hates it there, I don't blame her, but I've had to tell her its the new reality. Four months ago she was living alone, going to exercise, driving her car, having a beer occasionally, and then the stroke took that all away. But she's 88 and having a hard time accepting her current limitations. I guess I am too.