How do you hire a geriatric care manager for a parent when you do not have a power of attorney?

Madge1, my father paid the bill but he was not very happy about it. He could not understand why we needed a geriatric care manager in the beginning. The reason, I felt, we needed one was because my siblings were hell bent in putting my folks into a home. I wanted to respect their wishes by helping them to remain living at home. My siblings were accusing me of placing my parents in danger and thought the only way they could be safe would be to move them into a nursing home.

For me, I needed the reassurance that I was doing the right thing and that I wasn't letting them live in an unsafe environment. So I put the cart before the horse and had a GCM come out to do an evaluation before asking my Dad if it was ok. When it came to the bill, I explained that the GCM was to make my job easier caring for them. Like I said, he begrudgingly agreed to it but I had to take a stand - we were at a critical point with their living situation. It was 3 against 1! It was 3 years ago and the struggle with the siblings and Dad was worth it to have the assistance of a GCM.

In the beginning, I met with the GCM once a week for about 6 weeks because there was so much I had worries about. Then, for a couple of months, it was every other week - then, once a month for 2 or 3 months until I felt like I was ok in my own decision making.

What really helped was that the GCM took an interest in Dad, listened to him and he knew that his wants and needs were important in the care plan. I think part of the objection from our parents is not understanding that the GCM is their person to help them do whatever it is they want and need in their lives.

It's always good to have POA, though, so you may want to see if you can share POA with your brother. I now share POA with my sister who lives out of town. She handles the financial matters and I handle the hands-on care. We just recently hired another geriatric care manager because of new issues. We meet every other week for now. She's been helping me with interviewing and hiring caregivers.

madge1~ I know how you feel. My sis and I have to get a conservatorship whether we like it or now. I resent having to pay out of pocket for it. I just returned from taking mom to lunch with my sis, brother, and sister in law. The lunch was nice, however, as soon as we got back to mom's house mom started with her poison and the day ended badly as usual. Good luck and I hope you get some answers.

sharynmarie, thanks for your input. The problem I am having is mom will not put anyone on her POA as an alternate. If my brother should die and she is incompetent, I would have to get guardianship. I was hoping to not have to do that. I seem to have no other alternative. She is like pushing a rope uphill. I could pay for a geriatric manager out of my pocket but I will not. Looks like she leaves me few options. Thanks for your kind input.

madge1~If your mother agrees to a manager then she would pay. If she doesn't agree then the only way I know of hiring a manager on your mother's behalf is if you have a conservatorship. A conservatorship gives you control over your mother's physicial well being. If the POA is written so that you also have physical control then a conservatorship may not be necessary. We had to talk with an elder law attorney to find out what we have to do. He looked over our POA and explained it all to us. Even though you don't have POA you may want to get a free consultation with an attorney. Maybe your brother who is on the POA will go with you and the attorney can look over his POA.

carol72156, how was the bill paid? I want my mother to pay for this and I am not on any POA at all. She has alot of money but is very stingy.

In my experience, I didn't have a POA in 2009 and was able to hire a geriatric care manager. I've had experience with 2 different geriatric care managers and it wasn't required by either of them.

madge1 check this website for National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers. Your mom should have an alternative person assigned so if her primary person is not able to follow through on their duties of the POA. The only other thing I can suggest is getting a conservatorship if the time comes where you have to step in. My sis and I have to get a conservatorship. Before we can pursue the conservatorhip, we have to spring the DPOA. I hope the website helps answer your questions.