I've ranted about my Narcissistic father with Dementia countless times on this forum, but I am seriously starting to believe that some of his behavior has nothing to do with the disease... rather, he's just emotionally abusive and flat out MEAN.
After struggling to determine the best living situation for both of us (and moving him four times in a year), I finally realized that in order for me to get some semblance of sanity, it would be best to move him BACK to an independent living facility (he refuses to go to a full AL) and cut the overnight nursing and opt for someone to keep him company a few hours on weekends while I work TWO jobs.
He kicked and screamed at first but after about a month he had settled into the routine and I finally had the opportunity to breathe (now that I've lost my home, my car, my job and my BF... yet I digress).
That was until I received a strange text from my EVIL stepmother (the meddling ex wife that he always calls when I don't give him his way). Apparently she sent my sister a text that miraculously got into my inbox. Her text said that she was concerned about my father. He had called her "crying" and saying that I was screaming and cussing at him and mistreating him. I had JUST gotten off the phone with him less than 1/2 hour before this text came in, and he was FINE!!!
Quite unnaturally for me (I've always been the perfect little girl), I called her and CHALLENGED her to take me to any court of law and PROVE this horrible treatment, and went further to ask why she was still even involved in his life considering that she had been divorced from my father for over 15 years! I told her to mind her own D*** business and focus on her current marriage.
I then stupidly asked Daddy why he said those awful things, and of course... he couldn't remember.
Well, a similar incident happened today. This morning he ranted and raved about his weekend companion eating his food and asking him to pay for her meal if they go out to eat or additional gas money. I challenged him on this, but still amended our service agreement to provide receipts when they go out. Naturally, she was upset which I could understand, yet when she asked Dad what was going on, he called me a LIAR again and seemed to have no recollection of the conversation we had this morning. She actually recorded him calling me a liar and a few other choice words... continuing to accuse me of trying to take his money, etc...
So, I collaborated with the caregiver and put everyone on speaker phone. I asked Dad to repeat our earlier conversation about the accusations on the caregiver. He REPEATED word for word exactly what he said that morning. When we asked him if he told her I was LYING about the conversation he said NO. That's when she played back the recording.
He went BALLISTIC!!!! He swore and cussed and accused us both of being out to get him, etc. As soon as he realized he was caught he went on his tyrade about getting "out of here" and "taking care of himself"
Here's the thing. I have tried to do EVERYTHING I can to make this man as comfortable and happy AT MY OWN EXPENSE!! He's manipulative and mean, and though I think it would be a bit cruel since he has no one else (he has run off 11 children, 7 wives and one child committed suicide), I'm really thinking of throwing in the towel.
Some of his behavior may be a reflection of his confirmed Dementia, but part of me believes he's just being an OGRE that is throwing a tantrum because he cant get his way. The LAST thing he had control over was his money and now that I'm managing that, he's beside himself.
I'm sick of being accused of taking his money, mistreating him, fussing and cussing at him, etc. I've gone through this for more than a year and I just don't want to be unappreciated forever.
Would it make me a bad person to abandon the old grump?