You seriously get taken advantage of. I was good/nice to my aunt before she had dementia. She named me POA without discussing it with me first, and knowing that I am far, and won't be able to drop at every scenario.
Her neighbor and my cousins, (cousins)who I may add know me, but not well enough, assumed that I would be easily manipulated, and dance at their tunes.
I don't mind helping, but when I notice that I am being asked to give up my life, jeopardize my job, while the cousins who live closer do the bare minimum, if that much, I have a problem.
I'd been asked to stay at aunt's house, while the house was covered in feces. No one told me ahead of time. No one offered to let me stay with them until it was professionally cleaned. Oh. Wait. The neighbor offered her home, after I questioned why no one told me about the condition of aunt's house. I took care of the cleaning bill, and not one cousin offered to chip in while I was there.
Yet, here they all come again asking me to stay for weeks at a time again, totally disregarding my job, and life.
I have stepped down from POA, and stepped back. I feel badly for my aunt, but I cannot be taken advantage of because I am "nice.”
unfortunately in every family there are those who criticize, complain and who do absolutely NOTHING, to help with the real problem. I am sorry for you.
if you still are the POA talk to a judge to get that burden removed from you and or make arrangements for your aunt to be placed in an environment where she can receive the daily care she desperately needs from the sound of your note. Adult Protective Services could also help to obtain appropriate, safe and respectful care for your aunt. Call a local health department. Perhaps they can give you the number for APS to get involved before she gets worse. She needs help
The post above was in discussions. You may have to ask your cousin why she keeps calling you. Your Aunt has lived near them for 20 years. You live 5 hours away and have a full-time job. Even if Aunt still lived near you, there is no way you could be her Caregiver. Yes, you are single which means you need to work. But its because ur single your being called. They feel u have the time. You may have to end up being blunt. You need to tell them to stop calling you. You no longer are POA a responsibility u never agreed to anyway. You live 5 hours away and do not plan on moving. No need to. Aunt moved to be near them 20yrs ago. You are no more responsible for her than they are. What they need to do is call APS and report Aunt as a vulnerable adult. That there are no relatives able or willing to take on her care. APS will investigate and if found Aunt needs 24/7 care, they will have the State take over her care. After you say that, block ur cousins. Block ur Aunt. You call and visit when u want to.Saying No gets easier as time goes on.
I too am a nice person and we do get taken advantage of. I no longer volunteer my time. For some reason its then felt you have all the time in the world. If asked, I will help if I can but it does not obligate me to do it again. My friends seem to have no problem telling me no. So I have learned to say it too. If I don't want to do it, I don't.
I am so glad u finely gave up the POA. Thats one reason it was felt u should be there. People think POA means you physically need to be there to care for someone. Thats not what it means. What u should have done when u saw the condition of ur Aunts house was call APS. Seems her family there does not want to care for Aunt. So time for APS to step in and take over her care.
Nice doesn't mean volunteering as a doormat. So continue to be nice, but now you are learning to say "no" continue to do that as well, and nicely.
Everyone does need to know that NO ONE has to serve as POA, and to do so without knowing what it involves is a huge mistake. There is a tremendous amount of work and records keeping and it is a legal fiducairy responsibility. I am so relieved you stepped down while you could, while Aunt was competent enough to appoint another; makes it so much easier. But there are always ways to refuse (easiest) or to resign (harder when someone is incompetent) being a POA.
It is difficult when you are next of kin to a more difficult relation, but sometimes stepping up delays the person accepting they need 24/7 care. They are often enable, thereby, in denial.
Congratulations. And do remember, nice people still have limitations, and are well able to create boundaries for their self protection. They can do it with a gentle civil attitude.
Sure you feel bad for your aunt. I feel bad for your aunt too. She's probably got it pretty rough.
If her home has feces all over the place, she cannot live on her own anymore.
The answer is not you give up your life and move in to become her care slave so her grown kids don't have to do anything.
The answer is you call APS and the police and tell them that there's a vulnerable senior who isn't coping on her own anymore.