Any suggestions about helping mom be reasonable about her dog?

It's her dog, her house and her mess, she does not have dementia and you don't have to live in it, so let it go.

When my father passed away they had three little dogs that all did the same as your describing, I rented a house and moved my mother with dementia in with me. She wanted all three dogs and my brothers were trying to talk me into giving into that they will hire a trainer. I told them trainers train people not dogs, my mother would have undone any training they did. We found two dogs good homes and agreed to letting her have the first and oldest, he was horrible when my mother was here, big back yard and shes putting pee pads all over inviting him to pee inside, sadly my mother had to go into a memory center a few short months later and now their dog is my dog. And he is now trained to go outside and eats dog food,, he still has accidents once in awhile, but rarely, he follows my dogs lead most of the time,, it was hard to deal with, but I am not getting rid of him. I feel sorry for him, it's not his fault they allowed this..

I agree, Sylvial. Most dogs only want to please their people. A dog will quickly learn what it can and can't do. If a dog thinks it's okay to chew the furniture and pee on the floor, it will do just that. Many people don't ask more of their dogs for some reason. It is like they're afraid the dog will be unhappy with them. Or maybe it is because it takes a little work to let the dog know what you want it to do. The good things about most dogs is they want to do things that make you happy. A "good boy" or a doggie treat is all the joy they need to keep doing good things. I would guess that a dog who is not trained to be a family member is probably not as happy as it could be.

A dog is a child. Seriously. Its not an object. Then again, I respect all animals the way I treat my cats/dogs. The very same way I treat my children....they need food,shelter,medical care and LOVE. Kenneling is wrong. Behavior modification will take effort, but its pretty much 100% effective IF the work is put into it. The only times it doesnt work is if the animal is sick. With this said, its possible to remedy this...I would offer help (whether you or a specialist) in this area as a gift. Timing is perfect.

I agree JessieBelle, they want to be part of the pack and please. As much as the intent was to spoil and treat the dog well, it doesn't work that way. I am a big animal lover and I have an older female doberman who is just an angel in everyway so it was an adjustment having a dog that chewed the carpet, went to the bathroom in the house at age 12. As soon as my mother was placed I let him know what the rules where and he is alot happier now, as a matter of fact I when I took him to the memory center to visit my mom he was so worried I was going to leave him that he wouldn't stay with my mom he wanted me instead. I haven't taken him back because my mom doesn't ask about him, she asks about my doberman and tells me bring me that big black dog that used to always be near me and slept in my bed. My dog sensed my mothers illness and would never leave her side I would wake up and check on my mother and find my dog in bed with her, so heart warming to have a dog like her. The memory center won't let me bring her because her size might scare the more progressed, I understand that. But I wish she could visit her.

I disagree, to an extent, about kenneling. If done well, it's their 'cave' and a safe haven. Size is important, though. They should be able to fully stand and turn around in it. Most dogs will NOT potty in a kennel, so clean up shouldn't be an issue. But, having said all that, it's also important to keep a routine (let them out, go potty; let them out, play a bit; let them out, feed them, etc; ) and NEVER use it as a form of reprimand or punishment .. dogs don't really understand punishment, anyway, so it's a waste of time.

Back to the original question. Is this behavior with the dog fairly new? It might actually be an indication that your mom is beginning to slide down the mental path: not caring about cleanliness, not taking the effort to track the pet's behavior .. can all be signs that she's declining. It could mean that her own personal hygiene is suffering, which could mean her health will, too. UTIs are one of the more serious side effects of this. Are you sure she's taking meds as she's supposed to?

And, of course she wants to retain control. At this stage in our lives, it's just about all we have left. I think it's important to understand WHY this is happening.

Good luck and let us know how it all goes.