Helping aunt with showers is starting to physically hurt me. Suggestions?

Stop helping with the bath & have someone else help or find a different approach. You'll appreciate the advice when you are older & not in constant back pain. Wash her private area while she's standing if unable to do so, wash it while she's in bed & do rest of it in shower. Let her just enjoy the warm water & suds. Elderly folks don't require as much soap as it washes away their natural oils. Use Dove & a moisturizing lotion. 10 minutes max.

My mom used to love the shower. She had a tiny shower room so hardly room for one extra person although it was a shower stall. She would just sit in there with the hand held shower nozzle enjoying the water for ages! She was still able to bath herself fairly well though and would do it sitting on a chair. So perhaps a quick wash of her bottom and groin regions, underarms, face and hair and then just let her play with the water herself a bit. Old people get quite dry skin so can often get away without lots of soap. And feet can be done separately or by the the carer. She may not be able to do even that though.

look into palliavtive and hospice care... at this age...

Imho, YOU must cease being the shower assistant. The caregiver should be handling this task, else you injure your back permanently. Prayers sent.

I had a home health care attendant come and help my mom. I think Medicare paid for it. They washed all but the private area. My mother did that. They were very respectful of my mother’s modesty. The workers were Filipino and are very caring for the elderly. You can be there close by if that comforts your aunt. If you hurt yourself you would have to get help anyway. Let someone else do the work and that leaves time for you to enjoy her more.

Assuming you are the primary care giver, you should be using that time for yourself.

We use a shower chair, and place a towel in the tub for her to stand on. Once I get mom into the tub, she sits so we can wash her using a handheld shower. Once her back and front are done, I drape another towel over her shoulders to keep her warm while I wash her legs and feet. After her back, front, arms, legs, and feet are washed, I have her stand up and turn around to hold on to the back of the chair. This puts her in a good position for washing her bottom and groin area. On a good day she'll even let me wash her hair, too, while she's sitting in the chair. Hope this helps...good luck!

I hope you have shower side rails installed. Trust me that makes life a lot easier. I installed my own but you may have to hire a handyman who can do it

So if helping your aunt is starting to hurt your back, can you get another caregiver to come expressly and only for the purpose of helping your aunt shower. But at the end of the day you know already that you have to protect your health. It is hard making a decision to cut something out that your love one wants. But do it sooner rather than later,

Your aunt may be entitled to an aide twice a week, through Medicare, to help her shower. If the aide you mentioned is that person, than I suggest that you and the aide do the best that you can. Just the water alone would be better than nothing. Baby wash for a quick rinse would be good. It's good that she enjoys the shower, so many elderly people don't .
Bless you for helping your aunt.

She takes sponge baths the other days so one a week, just let her take a shower bath without doing anything other than letting a nice shower of water come on her as just sitting under a shower feels good.

Adust the nozzle where the shower goes on her and don't do anything else other than sitting and watching her enjoy a shower.

I was in your situation I had to physically get my mother in & out of the shower the aide did the washing, well that final day came when my mother landed on the floor I had to lift her. From that time I told her no more shower. And the aide stopped also. I was washing her on the toilet. Now I have decided to hire an aide to give her a bed bath. I do everything for her she is unable to do anything for herself. And just to have someone give her a bath is wonderful. And the girl she has now is wonderful.

Check her health insurance, when my mom hurt herself after a fall, her insurance sent a shower assistant. They are trained for just this purpose. You are very sweet and I am sure your aunt appreciates it🧚🏼‍♂️

If your aunt is 91, she doesn't really need showering. Give her some sponge baths. So much safer, faster and easier on your back.

I envy you! I wish my husband loved to shower! He too has dementia and HATES water, even though he used to be a swimmer. It is always a battle to get my husband into the shower (not tub) and to stand to let me wash him. Whenever he agrees to go into the shower, the only way for me to wash him is to be naked with him in the shower too. There’s no way to wash him without getting wet, so I have to disrobe. It works half the time, but it is better than sponge-bath all the time. You may want to try to be naked with your aunt in the tub. She has advanced dementia, so she does not care if you are also naked with her.

Sponge-baths can only go so far.

If it’s too difficult to shower her, let the Aide give her bed sponge baths . It’s safer . Hugs 🤗

A shower is a blessing and a joy. If I could only shower once a week, I'd be miserable.

Time for a shower aide.

I wrecked my back helping my clients shower. They'd go 'sack of potatoes' on me--just limp and I was holding 160 lbs of rocks and trying to wash them....2 back surgeries and I will be in pain the rest of my life. The $6K I paid out of pocket for those back surgeries would have paid for MANY showers.

Mother showers sitting down and it actually works very well. She can sit in there and really get a good, hot soak. Grab bars are all over the bathroom and she heats it up to about 90 degrees. With urinary incontinence, she really needs these showers to not smell. Plus, you just feel better when you're clean.

A sponge bath would be a far reaching 2nd place, in my book.

If you cannot get help, talk to a PT who can give you ideas on how to support your mom and not hurt yourself in the process. There are a lot of tricks and ways to use their body weight to your advantage.

I know. My mom hasn't had a shower in 6 months. I can only sponge bathe her and she misses the showers so much but the home health agency is a " no lift" agency. In other words I can't find anyone to lift her into the shower chair from her wheelchair. I have asked about two women but they are having a hard time finding even one cna around these parts. Wishing you luck.

Long-handled sponge, so that you can stand and reach round her rather than sit and twist.

Selective washing - e.g., don't attempt to reach down to her feet when she's seated in the tub. Do them thoroughly but separately, when she's seated in her armchair and you're perhaps able to kneel down (are you?) and spare your back.

Wash hard-to-reach areas such as bottom and groin first, before she gets onto her bath board, then use the shower more for thorough/extra rinsing.

When I had an aide for my mom from Council on Aging or home health. I didn’t have to help. She did it.

Mom sat in her chair and the aide bathed her. Mom has Parkinson’s so she has mobility issues and couldn’t do for herself.

I don’t see why the aide needs your help. What’s the point of having an aide if you are still doing the work? Especially with a bad back! You may end up hurting yourself.

The aide isn't able to shower her without you assisting? I would say it's time for you to get another aide.

I gave up showering my relative for that very issue. Lower back pain. I tried not bending but I found I just had to - must bend to reach, lift arms etc. My relative sits on a shower stool too - unsafe to stand.

Home care staff do the shower now. They may have back pain too 😕 but maybe have more tricks than me.

Retire yourself from showers.

If one carer cannot manage the transfer alone, can you help with that part? If not, two carers will be required shower days. Sponge at sink the other days.

DON'T feel guilty! Your back is important!

Does she sit in a chair in the shower? That is how I showered my mom.

What do you mean by sit on the side of the tub? Is she steady enough to do that? Sounds dangerous.

It is exhausting to shower them at times because they don’t like to be cold. So I would have the water warm and we as bathers get overheated.

Sponge baths will work if you have to.

Can you get help from Council on Aging. They started bathing mom. Or is she ready for hospice care? They bathe patients too. Can you afford to pay someone through an agency to do it once a week?

You do not indicate what health issues your aunt has. I am wondering if she might be eligible for Hospice. If so Hospice would provide a CNA at least 2 times a week and they would bathe her. You would also get a Nurse to visit her 1 time a week and they would order her medications that would be delivered to you. And you would get the supplies and equipment that you need.

If your aunt is safe standing in a shower get a used walker (I used to get them at resale shops for under $5.00) she can hold onto the walker while in the shower and that would give her support.
I would not do this in a tub as the floor of a tub is curved and the walker may slide more easily.

If the caregiver is from an agency ask the agency to send 2 people when your aunt needs a shower. It will be safer for the caregiver, safer for you and safer for your aunt.
Another option is to forego the shower and do a bed bath. They can be done well. They can be done without getting the entire bed wet. It might be more relaxing for your aunt and she may not struggle thus making it safer for everyone (not to mention more relaxing)

I'm still not sure what makes the task is so physically difficult for you. Let the caregiver do more and you play the supporting role, let your aunt do as much as she can too. It doesn't need to be a long process to have a benefit, IMO even the most cursory of showers is better than none at all. As long as she retained the ability to stand and transfer I could sit my mom in the shower, wet her, lather her, and then rinse all within 5 to 10 minutes. Foot and toenail care were handled separately, as well as hair care (but that was because mom didn't like water running in her head).

You say that she can help by standing and sitting. Have you tried just letting her stand in the shower instead of having her sit on the bench? That way you can remain standing on the outside of the tub, while you help bathe her, and it should help your back. Of course you can have the bench there if she does need to sit for a while. I had to do that with my husband before he became bedridden. He stood inside the shower, while I stood outside the shower and washed him up. Of course I did get a little wet myself, but it served it's purpose for quite a while.(and I have a bad back) You will want to install grab bars if she doesn't already have those, that way she has something to hold on to while standing.

If that doesn't sound feasible, then you can either hire someone else to come help with her shower, or as you said, just stop the showers and continue with the sponge baths.

Bathing assistance is the main thing I was glad to be able to leave to mom's caregiver, is there a reason you need to be the one doing all the bending and lifting?