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My older cousin lives in CA with his partner who's health is declining. My cousin had a stroke 15 years ago. He is unable to live on his own, and they are starting to plan ahead for the future if anything happens to his partner first. We have a very small family. He only had one brother, and they are estranged. He just called me and asked if I would be willing to be listed as POA should anything happen. I just finished settling my mom's estate after caring for her for 6 years (lewy body dementia).
Of course I have no problem helping out, is just the logistics, I live in PA.
I would not have him live with me, they already said I'd help him to find assisted living arrangements in my area. Help him move here and set up his new place. He has money and a trust to pay for care, I'd just help him pay his bills etc.
I guess I just need to know what all that would entail. I assume he is already on disability in CA, would that automatically transfer to PA?
What all do I need to think of. I'm honored that they asked, just a little overwhelmed. Has anyone else gone through anything like this long distance.

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I cared for my parents long distance for 6 years, mom died and I still take care of Dad. I had POA and later guardianship. I took care of bills and all finances, medical issues etc. from home, But I made regular 12 hour drives dealing with various crises.

My thinking is this...This is a cousin, not parents. Do not move him near you. You could accept POA and handle his needs from afar but it would take some doing.

My dad is in memory care now, I deal with his finances, bills, meds, staff and have a sitter with him two days a week. I make a few trips a year for visits but he would be cared for well whether I visited or not.

POA does not necessarily bind you to a long list of responsibilities. You can resign at anytime. Your biggest challenge would be getting access to his finances.

And what about the partner? Who’s taking care of his/her affairs? I wouldn’t get sucked into that if I were you.

Lots to consider here. Think it through very carefully.
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Wendy1214 Jul 2019
I would be the secondary POA. His partner now takes care of everything. This would only kick in if his partner pass first. His health is not the greatest right now, and they just want to make sure my cousin has a plan in place if needed. He has no family in California. It would make sense to move home here, and that was at his suggestion, so he understands that
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Just what Alva said. You sound like you’re going into this blind. He has asked you to be POA, but that does not include moving him cross-country, researching his possible living arrangements, and supervising his care when you do find those living arrangements, plus transferring his bank accounts, disability payments, etc. You write of a “they”. Will “they” come to Pennsylvania and help you decide on an AL for him? What if they don’t approve of your choice? By moving him close to you, the family he has in California will be putting the responsibility for him squarely on you, or worse, approving or disapproving your choices from afar. Are you close to this part of the family? Will they help you manage his care? Why did “they” say you’d help him find living arrangements in PA? Why couldn’t they keep him in California and find an AL there?

A POA takes effect when the person can no longer make decisions, medical or financial, for themselves. That’s it. I think what your cousin’s family are asking of you involves far more than that. Tread carefully before you become committed.
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Wendy1214 Jul 2019
My cousin had no family in California, just a brother in South Carolina. The "they" I refer to are my cousin and his partner. If his partner should pass away before my cousin, then I would in effect be his only family which is why they have asked me to be secondary POA. This is why moving him here would be easiest. This was all at my cousin's suggestion, so he knows an assisted living situation in PA would be best.
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You say just that. I was also just asked by a friend. I said I was so honored but just could not. Suggested a fiduciary. A lawyer will help set this up. Often a financial institution itself will do this. Take on the care before death if needed, and settle the estate after death. Do not take this on, esp so far away. You know what is entailed.
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