I will try to give a brief description of what is going on. My father has been living with my grandma for years. My grandma also raised me from a very young age since my father went to prison. I had medical POA and also living will. And I also know in her will mostly everything is left to me.
Strange things started to happen at her house from my father. Grandma started hearing voices, would call the cops out every other day for people living in her attic. At this time she is starting to show signs of memory loss, Parkinson, health is slowly declining.
My father was also claiming he was hearing the voice. He completely destroyed a few rooms in the house " looking" for the people.we are talking holes in walls, ceilings, lights pulled out. Even cut live wires in the attic. We called APS because something wasn't right. They came out, he wouldn't talk to them or show them the house. She wasn't being physically hurt so end of that. A few weeks go by and he gets caught trespassing at neighbors. Not once but twice. Find out he's doing meth. At one point he does end up pushing my grandma down on the bed because she was trying to stop him from tearing up the house. He gets arrested for trespassing, unfortunately not drug charges were given.Aps is notified. We are called to either move in, move her in with us or she goes to nursing home. We move in with her. Father gets out of jail a few months later tries to come back "home" still doing drugs. I file for eviction, takes times and also grandma saying he needs to leave. Done, eviction granted. But he wont leave. He's talking crazy, how the people in the attic are going to hurt us if we dont leave. I call the cops, he gets arrested again. This time our house for criminal trespassing. Now he is still in jail. He calls daily harassing my grandma to bail him out. He will be getting out soon. And now she is talking about letting him come back to live here. He swears he has changed and won't hurt her and wont do drugs. He is not safe and she cant see that. Help! What can I do? I do not feel safe with him around. We have security footage of him trying to break into our room. Stealing our stuff from the garage. Walking around the house with large knives. Talking to himself. Stripping butt naked in the yard. Typical smoked out behavior. And she wants him to come back. I do now have POA. We have lived here for over 5 months now. What options do I have. Or what can I do.?
It's hard to say how competent she is. I like to believe she is capable of it all. But she is not. She does require us to be here To help. Cook, drive her to dr appts. Medication, Help speak for her at appointments. help getting around,Etc. She does have auditoral hallucinations, she hears voices. But my dad also claimed to hear voices mostly due to the drugs. We have contacted APS and they will be out within the week. Now to contact Drs to get their opinions on how competent she is. And to contact sherrif to see how else I can keep him away.
Yes, you will need to have your Grandma's cognition and memory tested. You can keep the unwanteds away with restraining orders and by blocking them on Grandma's phone. If she can't see that they are trainwrecks then she's not as "capable" as you think. Reason and logic are the first to go with dementia.
Was it an APS mandate that she move in with you, you move in with her or that she go to NH because of dad’s interference in her life? If so, I would also get APS back involved in making it very plain to GM that the quickest way to a NH is to let dad move back in.
If that fails to persuade her or if she is too far advanced in her dementia, perhaps contact a criminal lawyer. I doubt you will be able to prevent him from showing up because he won’t obey any injunction against him but you will have it in place for the police to enforce. And he may truly believe he won’t do the same as before but clearly his mind is damaged and he needs to find some stability in life before expecting you and his mom to provide him a home.
Depending on where you live, if in a smaller town you might first visit the county attorney and ask if you are doing all possible to help protect your GM.
Since your GM is under your protection and you are her POA, you will need to act proactively and sadly against her wishes. She has lost the ability to deal with reality.
She must not be the decision maker in this situation or any other that sets the course for her life or yours. If that proves too difficult you may have to choose facility care for GM. Let her know without any restraint that you are not interested in supporting your dad moving in and that it is your decision not hers that will prevail.
Respectfully, and not meaning to blame the victim, GM has had many years to influence your dad’s decisions and hasn’t been able to do so.
Please keep in touch and let us know how this plays out. We learn from one another and your actions may help others going through a similar situation.
You have open APS case here. You need to get it reopened. Keep all the facts by diary and give them to APS. Visit your local police station for options and to discuss this all with them in depth.
Your father needs to be imprisoned, so keep on the police, in a pleading manner, not in an adversarial one.
See an elder law attorney to learn how to start acting for your grandmother and her protection. The home will likely need to be sold for her care. You may need guardianship for her protection. Hopefully the house isn't first burnt down with cooking meth.
There is no mention here as to whether this grandmother is actually COMPETENT, because IF SHE IS, there is not a single thing on earth you can do about this.
Until he is jailed again your father can use meth, go crazy, cook meth in the house, burn the house down with meth and etc. if his mother allows him to. And short of calling the police, and the neighbors calling the police, there will be little that you can do.
If his mother allows him to do all this, then we are WAY beyond calling this "enabling". We are almost into the area of being an accessory to illegal behavior. And if that's the case I am afraid that the best place for YOU with this family is 1,000 miles away. Seems I am recommending that more and more these days.
Not everything can be fixed! As you are learning the hard way.