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Our 79 year old mother moved into a senior facility and we have noticed a rapid decline in her aging. Due to an unresolved hip issue, she is virtually immobile. She uses a walker and has gained a lot of weight. We have noticed an excessive use of online shopping with many repeat orders and other mistakes, her hygiene is lacking, and her apartment is set up by her so she doesn’t have to “move” that much. She also does not like to leave the facility anymore, even for family get togethers. We are concerned about her mental health, her cognition, and her overall health. We have broached the subject with her and have tried to offer supports to assist her. She doesn’t admit to a problem and we do not know what else we can do for her. It is sad to watch her just decline. What supports are out there to help? Anyone else in this boat?

I would discuss this with the facility itself. They are working with her daily and know her in a way we do not. They may have valuable suggestions for you. She clearly went into care because a decline was already started; that decline does have a certain downward trajectory. The arrangement of the room for her convenience is a good thing. You can encourage her to attend exercise classes and etc. but it is the old adage of leading a horse to water that will come into play here.
I would, if I were MPOA, discuss with her doctor as to options. But much of this will come down to your own acceptance that the end of life is not the fairy tale movies sold us. It is instead a time of inexorable loss. I am so sorry. I wish you good luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Have her tested for a UTI since you described her decline as "rapid". Elderly women often get a lot of UTIs, which can occur due to changes in their pH, physiology, and other habits -- not just hygiene (ie she is not changing into a clean, dry disposable often enough). It creates cognitive and behavioral changes very quickly, but is testable and treatable with antibiotics -- which someone will have to give her daily so she takes them consistently.

I agree with others about getting assigning a PoA if she does't aready have one. THis is very important and needs to happen before she gets a formal diagnosis of cognitive impairment.
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Reply to Geaton777
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If it’s a dementia you suspect, please know a person often cannot recognize having this in themselves and discussing it, or trying to get them to acknowledge it, is not going to be successful. Hopefully someone is her POA for medical and healthcare decisions, if not that needs to happen before any formal diagnosis. She likely needs someone else being responsible for her money, handling her bills, and her no longer having access. This is to prevent the excessive spending. Her funds need to be preserved for her care. Let her doctor know what you’re seeing using the patient portal or by providing a letter. Start seeing if needed legal documents are in place or need doing. She may need a higher level of care sooner than later
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Does she have a designated POA, and is it currently activated? If you are not designated POA your ability to do anything you can't convince her of is virtually none. If you are designated POA but need a doctor's signature it's time to start fibbing about "required annual checkup needed to keep her insurance" or something similar and get her into the doctor to be evaluated. You can leave a message for the doctor ahead of time but mental decline like you describe is unlikely to be really noticed at a checkup.

If you have current, active POA you can look into assisted living. AL and memory care aren't covered by insurance, so she'll have to be able to afford them. Her, not you, your money is for your old age.

My first impression from your post is she sounds like my mom, who had the same behaviors. I wasn't able to get her diagnosed with Alzheimer's until several years after the behaviors appeared. Best advice is stick around this forum and read all the posts for a while. It will give you a general idea of options for a variety of situations.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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