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She wants to give her kids large (5,000) gifts of money. I have explained to her (MIL) and my husband why she can not do so. Thankfully I was able to get them to put house sale money into a CD, under $50,000. Now she wants to withdraw her savings for them. All I get is "it's MY money, I'll do what I want with it" . My fear is that if something happens and she needs an AL or NH in the future the other 2 siblings will have spent the funds and will cry poor when and if that time comes putting the whole financial burden back on us as usual. She has not been declared incompetent even though her short term memory is beginning to slip since her second cardiac incident in one year. She has some minor personality changes since then but not enough to enact husband's POA. Since she resides with us I not only feel a health / wellbeing responsibility for her, but also a fiduciary duty as well. I KNOW the SILs will take and spend the money in a blink of an eye (no they do not help physically or monetarily at all) the one who does live close enough to visit every other month for about 1 or 2 hours is so busy inventorying my home to see what she can get after mom passes really ticks me off. She has made it a point to tell her I really like this mom, can I have it when you're tired of it? Informed her um, no those are my antiques, I just let her use them. She comes back with oh, so you gave them to mom. Again, no those are mine, she's just using them. So they're a gift. Finally had enough and told her, this is my home, these are MY items for her to use and enjoy as long as she resides with ME. When she is no longer here I will be putting them back where they belong. Finally got thru to her cuz snippy reply was oh, so all of this is yours. Yep. Just to give you an idea of what I'm up against. The other SIL that lives 1200 miles away told me there is no such thing as a Medicaid spend down, God help me. MIL is headstrong and will get other SIL to take her to the bank, and she will if there's money in it for her.

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Thank you for your help. I am making an appointment with an elder lawyer so they can explain to both my MIL and husband why this is not going to happen on my watch. Another thing that happened was that one of her friends passed this week and she was telling me that her friend had been living in a nursing home for the past few years. It helped open up a conversation with her about giving her money away when she may really need it. I asked her what she thought it costs to stay there every month. Her perception was maybe 1000 a month. I told her NH is more than AL and AL is 5000 a month. Told her she could spend her money on what she needs, new hearing aides, glasses, new portable O2 concentrator, but can't just give it away. That if it ever came to the point that she needed that level of care, Medicaid would want it back. When asked if her daughter would be able to return the money when asked to she agreed no. So I flat out asked her where do you think it would have to come from. She replied my son. Told her no, it's my money too and is it fair to us to have to cover what they couldn't or wouldn't return. So far nothing about giving money away lately, it may have finally sunk in God willing.

And btw, I know the vultures will cause me heartache, they've been trying for the past 37 years.
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Reply to Takincare
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I would not be caring for a stubborn uncomprehending elder in my home. Certainly not without adequate compensation.

Find her an AL or Memory Care unit where there are activities, distractions and three shifts of caregivers.

Those vultures ( your SILs ) will cause you much heartache down the road. Put an end to this now.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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If she goes to the bank you could always send a bag of her stuff and say, if you go you stay gone. She can be turned over to the state if she gifts her money and needs future Medicaid.

I think I would print some fact sheets out and write a letter to the greedy in-laws. State the facts and inform them that you would be kind and not file financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior charges but your caregiving days would be over and she would not be welcomed back in your home. They can plan on caring for her if they do this.

I hope she is paying for her room and board as well as paying you for your caregiving.

I agree, she can do it her way but not under your roof.

I hope your husband can convince her that it is more beneficial for everyone if she leaves them money in her will.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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First off, you are receiving a reasonable compensation for MIL living in your home, right?  Now is the time for you to be paid for your services, etc. This is entirely fair and reasonable and you should draw up a caregiver contract between you and MIL.
If MIL has money in a CD - how much lost interest would it cause her if she took it out early?  She might not like losing money by cashing out early.  Also, I would make it very clear about Medicaid rules about gifting and the consequences- that the gifting she has in mind should be done in her will, after her death.  She should understand that her money is needed first for her care and it would be grossly unfair for her to expect you and your husband to step up to cover Medicaid penalty period.   Explain that although she means to be generous, she is ignoring very real risks - would she consult an elder lawyer with Medicaid experience to point out all these risks?  I would advise being upfront about my feelings that I and husband would have to carry an unfair burden.  Simple fairness.
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Reply to rovana
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