How can I get adjusted to my mom coming home after a hospital stay?

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Hi everyone! To give you a little background, I have been caring for my mom part time for eight years. Full Time the last year and a half. She lives with me in my home along with my husband and two young children. (Four adorable kitty's too!) Anyway, my moms most recent surgery was November 18th which then took her to a rehab hospital until I could care for her. She has a discharge date of this Sunday. I love my mom, but I feel like (God help me) I am being sentenced! Every night when my husband and kids are asleep, I turn off the lights and just sit in the dark. Not becausee I am depressed, but because I crave the silence. I feel like there is no end here, but at the same time I ask myself what I can and cannot live with or accept. I can't place her someplace that is subsidzed by something else (I can't live with that!) however, her looming discharge weighs so heavily on me. I feel so selfish and the memory of my deceased dad is just doing circles around my head. You know, the love and protect at all costs! Anyone help me get perspective!!!!!!!!!

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hank you to say some thing but really dont nderstans what is silly wher you want to take trip pl sms or email me your Shashi 00919920307778
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It sounds kind of silly, but I plan a treat for myself-- sometimes it's just sitting in the dark-- and then when I get to have that treat, I make sure I enjoy it and not let anything take away its power. Now I am looking at a trip (for when the right time comes) and I am trying to focus on that. In short, I plan rewards for ME.
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gove her love peace and harmoney she will be heppy or send phto so I try to give her healing on photo
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ValerieAnn,
While I have no wish to be critical of the way that others handle this issue. Here is my viewpoint....... I am the eldest son of my parents. My widowed mother was suffering from emphysema. (Oh. how I hate the tobacco companies) and a degenerating bone disease (about which I knew nothing). She lived alone.One day, out of the blue, her spine actually fractured. She could no longer live in her home.

Mother asked me to let her move in with my wife and me. I could not even think of changing my bedfast mother's diapers and I turned her down. She went to a very nice nursing home and I visited her every day. Ultimately my mother died. That was some twenty years ago and every day I wish that I could have done more. I could have done for her the things that she did for me.

My suggestion is for you to walk that extra mile and know that you did for your mother as much as you could. One has but one chance.
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Valerie - you are definately not alone!!!!. I would guess that about 90% of us who contribute to this site found ourselves in a deeper mud puddle than we ever realized. I was eased into it several years ago, now that mom is 94 and nearly entirely helpless I do the same thing you do, sometimes I just sit in a chair and try to think about nothing. I am only too happy to fall down on the other sofa when she takes a nap - I am 68 with a few medical problems of my own and must get flat on my back too, occasionally because her care and her needs (she has always been a very needy person) completely userp most of my own home time - I manage to wrest enough time to do some necessities like pay my own bills and balance my checkbook and maybe squeeze half an hour to do my hobby stuff, but essentially my life has come to an end. Your blessing is that you seeem to get along with your mom, mine is as I said needy and narcissisic and only cares about her own needs. If you are a necomer to agingcare.com you need to explore a few other threads (like I Love my mother But I don't Like Her) and you will find there are a whole lot of us who are in the same boat - we feel as if we have been sentenced when we have done nothing wrong! You need to live your own life too, you have another family to consider. If my mom loved me half as much as she says she does (which to her translates to posession, I really do not think she knows the meaning of the word) - well, let's just say for now that she makes me jump through hoops that a professional nursing home would balk at, which she knows (from my father's stay in one) and she will nto consent to go. I am pretty much stuck for the duration. Make your boundries now because the whole thing can get out of control and old, very fast.
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Valerie,

My name is Heather. I know exactly what you are going through. You are thinking that no matter what you do nothing will be good enough. And of course you want to do your best at the same time doing what is right for her. Along with the memory of your dad weighing on your heart. I also feel you from here thinking about whether or not to bring her home with you. I was at the same cross road with my husband after my mother-in-law had a stroke. We had to make the decision about bringing her home with us. And we did not hesitate. We changed our lives to fit her needs until the day she passed at home with us.

You are strong. I know you are. You will do the right thing. And it is normal to feel selfish. You have the right idea about love and protect at all costs. When we as caregivers choose to put those concepts first and foremost when caring for our loved ones we put their best interests first. Even though sometimes it makes life a little more difficult in other areas. I know that I would do what me and my husband did while taking care of my mother-in-law over again tomorrow if the time arose again.

I feel that you are a very strong woman and you will make the right decision. I know that you have her best interest at heart. I am here if you need to talk. if you just want to talk outside of this platform. I am online a lot and am always checking my platforms that I am on.
Much love to you and yours.
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