My best friend's mom is dying age 92. What have you experienced that helps surviving grieving family left behind?

Follow
Share

In the past 3 weeks she has changed drastically and refuses water and food. She mainly sleeps now and when she last spoke to her in home caregiver she prayed for God to forgive her for the way she treated her sons, one of which is my dear friend. She muttered she wants to go home. My heart aches for him, as I don't have the words...everything I think to say sounds so cliche'. What have others experienced that helps the surviving grieving family left behind?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
5

Answers

Show:
One thing he will mourn is never having the mother every child deserves, a loving accepting mother. She will never change now, because she will be gone. I don't believe in Heaven, but when I think about it, it is a place where our fears and sins that made us mistreat others fall away from us. His loving mother will exist in heaven. If he believes in heaven.

I'm sort of opposed to trying to make the mourner be positive. I think it can be harder to lose a bad parent than a good one. For myself and for others I have talked to, I prefer to have my listener agree with me about how bad things are. That gives me the mental space to recognize the possibilities for the future.

One thing about losing a parent is that the parent isn't really gone. For better or worse, he or she continues to speak to you inside your head for the rest of your life.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

No Wire Hangers! Yikes! You are a good friend to register and post concern for your friend here. With you standing by him, he will be fine over time. :-)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks Carol, Just listening to him and letting him guide the conversation.. His mother was a "Mommy Dearest" type for the majority of his life. The other brother lives in the same town and is only spending the last days with her now. I agree, she is making amends now when she is briefly lucid. They have already contacted the funeral home to make final arrangements. Thank you for listening to me. I just feel rather helpless, but I try to remember its not about me. Again thanks and I know he will share more with me as he feels ready.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

correction ... that "prevent" was supposed to be "pivot"...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm sure you and your friend both know that his mom is near the point of transition out of this life. It seems that she's having moments of clarity and is trying to follow through with making amends. For many, especially the religiously trained, "going home" is a euphemism for going to God, Jesus or Heaven, so that is something for most in her mind at this time. One will surely passed away fairly soon with no food or water.

The best way to be supportive of your friend is to remind him of good times he spent with his mom and ask him to tell you about good and meaningful experiences with her. Sometimes there is a feeling of guilt, if so let him purge himself of it, that's what best friends are for, but rather than allowing yourself to commiserate too deeply, try to prevent him back to something positive.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions