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2 siblings . I live in and have responsibilities for mom(dialysis 3x week). Dad has severe tot moderate dementia. My sister takes them out to lunch, that's all. Folks resist outside help. How to begin, 3 yrs living here

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I have been DPOA for dad since 2013.

The first thing I did was take him to legal aid & get DPOA drawn up. Next stop was the bank. We closed the old checking account and opened a new one. Then I told dad to put all his bills in a shopping bag & not to worry anymore.

Then I just started paying all his bills for him. I sign all the checks - (my name) POA for (his name). I pay most bills on line. I also have all his bills sent to me.

I give him $100/week allowance.
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Dad may not be able to grant POA. If not guardianship may be needed. If Mom is cooperative get a very broad POA that covers medical, nursing home and all legal and financial issues. I used the NOTHINGS GOING TO CHANGE, THIS IS JUST IN CASE SOMETHING EVER HAPPENS........ argument with my demented Dad. Thank god I got it done before it was to late.
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Is TOT "tip of tongue" meaning coming up with the right word? Are there other symptoms? I have heard of symantic dementia where names of very familiar things are completely lost. It is a variety of frontal temporal dementia where behaviors many times become very dangerous to themselves and others. There will come a time where a facility will be necessary so plan for this. And many facilities have long wait lists, getting on the list now would be well advised.
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If it is a "springing" POA meaning there is language in the document that requires incapacity first. You will usually need letters from at least two doctors stating they are incapacitated and not able to make rational, educated decisions.
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If you do not already have POA, you may have trouble. The first thing is to determine if Dad is competent enough to sign a POA designation. You need to consult an elder attorney who can ask Dad a few questions to determine his competence. I assume that Mom is competent, so it will be easier to get POA for her, assuming that she agrees. If you already have POA, the first step is to take your designation papers to any bank or other business that your parents use. Give them copies, or ask them to make a copy. If there are out-of-town businesses such as insurance companies, call and ask how to send them copies. My experience is that they want a Faxed copy. Once everyone has the paperwork, they should be willing to talk with you and help you gather information about your parents' finances and expenses. Keep a log of who you talked to and when, because with large businesses you rarely talk to the same person twice.
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