Help! Siblings say I can live in the house after Mom goes in to long term care because I was her caregiver for more than 2 years. Should I?

Imho, it's best to consult an attorney.

In addition to my previous advice, You can also look into being a family paid caregiver...CDPAP program with a Home Health Care Agency. They might be able to provide a lift machine with training. Or an Aide that is skilled in transferring.
Hugs 🤗

So, I have posted this, mostly as replies to other comments, but let's put this on top, as it IS important:

1) Your mother has not been approved for Medicaid yet.
2) From the sounds of it, application has not been done yet.
3) You mention a pension and SS as mom's sources of income.

Until the first 2 items have been addressed, the whole question about staying or moving is moot.

Depending on how much #3 tallies to, your mom may not even qualify for Medicaid.

In addition, I found the following:

https://www.elderlawanswers.com/medicaids-gift-to-children-who-help-parents-postpone-nursing-home-care-15117

Which states:

"...who lived in the house for at least two years prior to the applicant's entering a nursing home and who during that period provided care that allowed the applicant to avoid a nursing home stay."

***This could be another sticking point. If your mom didn't need NH care in that time frame, they can DENY this "benefit."***

AND

"Each state Medicaid agency has its own rules for proof that the child has lived with the parent and provided the necessary level of care, making it doubly important to consult with your attorney before making this (or any other) kind of transfer."

***Again, you'd need proof that you provided the "necessary level of care." WE can't determine what that is, only Medicaid can.***

Another issue to consider is that some NHs have minimal requirements for NH care. Just needing assistance with ADLs and/or dementia sometimes isn't enough. Would she need care? Sure, but often NHs are for those who need specialized nursing care, not just help with ADLs.

BUT, first and foremost, mom's eligibility for Medicaid needs to be addressed FIRST. If she is over the income limit and/or doesn't qualify for NH care, the whole issue being discussed here is irrelevant.

Initial consult with EC atty can help. Many often give an initial free consult (limited.) Mom's funds should cover any expenses, if possible. They may also be able to finagle a way around some of these "sticking" points.

This is a situation far more complex than it appears on the surface. You need to consult an eldercare attorney who can look at all angles and figure out the best options involving all of you. Who really owns the house and will get it down the road. Who is willing to pay what for the cost of taxes and upkeep and repairs. Are you expected to pay rent or pay all of it. You simply do not have enough facts to make the right decision. And when you know where you stand, then a sit down with the entire family is needed and a contract as to your responsibilities and theirs now and later needs to be in writing so there are no surprises. Then you decide if you want to live there or not. Do nothing until you have professional advice. Too many unknowns which could backfire down the road.

Speaking as someone who is in this situation, it is a burden. My property taxes are almost $5,000 a year and the city keeps raising them. I don't know if you are into lawn care, but there is a lot to do in spring summer and fall. Not to mention water leaks. Plumbing can get very pricy. And God forbid if your sewer line breaks. Anyway, it is always something.

Just consult an elder law attorney. There is much misinformation here and laws vary from state to state. Providing two years of medically necessary care before the nursing home may, depending on your state, exempt the home and YOU from any impact of MedicAid estate recovery.

Just because you accept to live in the house when mom goes to live in long term does not mean in any way that the house is yours..

You said you can't afford tax bills of $4,000 a year?

Can you find a place to rent for $350 a month?
I think not.
So, if you want to live there for free, you should be willing to pay the taxes.

As far as the upkeep goes, the money from mom's account should pay for it.

In the end the house will be divided up between you and your siblings.

I’d be very careful about this. The first thing to think about is your relationship with the siblings and how much you trust them. This could be an expensive and tiring option for you, with no return for you from the estate, and lots of benefits for them. I’ve had something comparable proposed, and turned it down. The offer may not be as ‘nice’ as some answers are assuming.

This is a money thing – with money, you have other accommodation options. Don’t start by thinking you have no other place to live. Do your best to work out the money – regular outgoings plus the cost of repairs or anything else that you would want to change. Find out the selling price of the house, now and if it was ‘fixed up’. Real estate people usually jump at the chance to talk to you about this. One person living in a sizable house isn’t really economic – could you charge for a house sharer, and would you want to?

How will finances be affected by mother’s cost of long term care? How long is it likely to be? Will her estate eventually be required to pay back Medicaid, even if there is no immediate pressure to sell? If so, will there be much left to recompense you for anything you have spent on the house? Most people who 'renovate' a house expect to get their money back on sale, but it may not work out that way with Medicaid involved.

When you can get your head around this, send what you have found out to your siblings, and have a meeting with them to work out what to do. The good thing about the offer is that you and they have time to think carefully.

Please seek Elder Atty advice.
One that specializes in Medicaid law ...hugs 🤗

Most of the answers here relate to the tax issue. I think the delayed repairs are a big concern also. My husband and I have purchased 3 houses in various stages of disrepair, fixed them up, happily lived in them, then sold the first two at big profits. We will not do it again as age is taking its toll. These small repairs can add up to a huge amount of money if you can do none of the repairs yourself.

You need to carefully go through the house and take note of things like plumbing fixtures that will need to be replaced within the next few years, wall or paint damage that would detract from a potential sale, out-dated or unreliable electrical outlets or lights, worn or damaged places in the flooring, counters, and cupboards. Basically, examine every foot of every surface and note everything that is not quite up to snuff. Then go outside and look at the roof, exterior walls, foundations, landscaping, driveway surfacing, etc. How old are the plumbing connections and the pipes going from the house to the public utilities? If they are more than 50 years old they will need replacing in the next 10 years. We had one house that needed this when it was only 40 years old, another didn't need it until it was 60 years old. That repair will eventually need to be done.

Take your lists and see what (if any) repairs you can do on your own. Then find a handyman who has a contractor's license (try CraigsList if nobody you know can recommend one). Ask for an estimate on the repairs. (Talk to and get bids from at least 2.) Have him/her break it out into groupings of most needed, could be delayed, and nice but not essential. Talk to your sibs about the costs of the delayed repairs. See if they are willing to help out so they can get more from the house when it is sold. This should give you some idea concerning the length of time you might want to stay in the house. If the cost of staying includes these repairs, you may want to limit your time in the house to a few months while you explore the low-rent housing in your area and find a full-time job.

Some of the low-cost housing in this area--and probably yours, too--are run by the county or by charities especially for the benefit of people who have disabilities and are very low income. A few base the rent on your income. These tend to have waiting lists. See if you can get on a waiting list while you are figuring out what you want to do. You can opt out when your name comes out if you decide it is not for you. Take your time making a decision. Do not commit to a yes or no to your sibs until you have both adjusted emotionally to the changes you are facing and also have the facts you need to make the best decision for you. Find as many options as possible before even trying to make a final decision. It is a lot harder finding those options when you are very low income. Look in the phone book and call every agency or charity who might present special opportunities for you. You will need to take the time you used to spend caring for your mother in finding a good place for yourself.

Please do not stress when you don't have to; by reading answers here you may upset yourself more. You need to touch base with your own elder law attorney who will be your advocate and look out for you. I am hardly an expert but I know there is something I believe called the adult child exemption, that applies to an adult child living in the home who is providing care or services to an elder parent(s). I document ever so briefly what I might do for my parents in the course of a day just as back up. I don't know how it will work out in the end at this point, but I am on call 24/7 and caring for them impacted my health to the point where I was rushed to the hospital and needed emergency surgery to survive. My sister left the state 18+ years ago and would happily see them in a facility. That would leave me basically homeless for all I've done. The thought of suing the estate to survive once they are gone has crossed my mind. My father is ingnorant, demanding, and naive not to mention deaf so it creates a bigger problem. He thinks family does for family. Lovely, so do I....but he doesn't realize what could happen in spite of our having met with a terrific CELA. (certified elder law attorney). Unfortunately I was looking for employment decades ago when the economy tanked and when I finally got a job, it was a good one, but 25 hours a week. I imagined getting another part time one to add in but it was impossible to find something that meshed and I was giving to much to the job I had, I had no energy, juice for anything else. So now I am approaching retirement myself, which for all I know may be in my favor, and at least will have a wee bit of a pension. I do agree that the taxes, while outrageously high in our area, are still going to be less than what rent would tally up to. I would definitely see what services and benefits you are entitled to and use them all. And be aware of your city and government....if you vote for a levy, your taxes go UP. In our area the bulk of taxes go to the local school district. There has been much discussion of how unfair a way this is to support school systems in our state. Yet nothing has been done. Wishing you the best. Take good care. (Maybe consider having someone house share with you to make ends meet?)

If your mom is on Medicaid and you are her caregiver, you should be getting paid from Medicaid to care for her. This is legal and I know of several people who are doing this. One is a daughter, living in the home caring for disabled parents & another is a wife caring for her husband. You have to fill out forms and keep good records, but at least you could be paid for it.

You mention being concerned about paying for yard work, which is a consideration, but yard work is a drop in the bucket in home maintenance. Refrigerator, washer, dryer water heater, furnace, AC system--repair and replacement would be your responsibility.
I am about to do major driveway repair and a new roof, so I am looking at $15-20,000. You are wise to give careful thought to whether or not you can take on a home.

Since you now have experience as a caregiver, you might consider getting a full time job doing that... or even a live-in caregiver situation. The best thing you can do for yourself is to find a way to make some money. Wherever you live, you will need to have some income.

I keep reading in answers that you can only live in the house temporarily. Maybe it is different in each state. I was my parents caregiver for over two years before they had to go into a nursing home. Medicaid allows adult child who lived in the home as a caregiver for at least two years to have the house. A quit deed was done and the home ownership was transferred to me. Now if the house was already in the name of all of your siblings before the 5 year look back this would not be the case - then your siblings would be allowing you to live there. In either case in New York Medicaid cannot come after the house in recovery because it was legally transferred out of your Mom’s name. Once the home was in my name, I assumed responsibility for taxes, utilities and repairs. In my case, it is still less than rent somewhere else. Good luck!

Staying there in the short term might be beneficial to you; but eventually, the house is going to need to be sold; either to pay for mom's care, or after she's gone to settle her estate. Unless your siblings are going to "write off" their share of the house, should it not need to be sold for mom's care, in order to own the home, you're going to have to buy out your siblings. AND even if they decide to "write off" their portion of the proceeds of the home, depending on the value of the house, you could be looking at significant tax ramifications, because according to the IRS that would be a gift, and there are limits to the amount you can gift someone before they are required to pay taxes on it.
I think you need to come up with a long term plan, one that involves finding a place to live that you can afford. Unfortunately, it doesn't get any easier the older you get; if you already know it's going to be a burden you can't afford, you need to start thinking about other living accommodations.
Good luck!

My question is this: If you can't afford the roughly $334/month tax bill, then how can you live anywhere at all? Rents are much much higher than that! On the surface it seems to me that your siblings are giving you a gift of very low living expenses, whether you own the house or not. Personally I would be grateful.

Are you a senior yet yourself? If so, look for low income housing for seniors.

If your family will pay for the repairs and taxes on the house and let you live there so the house is not empty, then you have a place to stay temporarily. Use that time to save up some money so you can move.

If you can’t afford the taxes and maintenance then you need another option. Talk to your family about their expectations.

Have siblings meet with you and a lawyer that specializes in family law or estate law. He/She can give you the answer you seek.

From what you have relayed, I would suggest finding another part time or fill time job and moving into a place you can afford. You then could let the home be sold and not have to deal with the taxes or repairs.

That is a legal mess because if the house is under her name, and she is on Medicaid that is paying for nursing home, once she dies everything that goes under probate, Medicaid can and will seize under the Estate Recovery law.
In other words, the Medicaid agency will file a claim against her estate for the cost of these services--if it goes into probate.

https://www.aarp.org/health/medicare-insurance/info-1996/aresearch-import-629-D16443.html

Why are asking us? It is time you talk to your siblings and a lawyer.

Yankee, reading your other posts and profile, it does not sound like caregiving for your mom without getting paid for it is a good idea. Especially when your mom rages and threatens to throw you out.

You and your siblings need to use some of mom's money to consult an eldercare attorney to set up a caregiver contract for you (if that's what you want to do) or decide how to ease mom into a facility and get the house sold.

I hope that you have applied for low cost/Section 8 housing in your area and consulted with a caseworker about food stamps, job training programs and the like.

If you ENJOY caregiving, look into getting CNA training and you will be able to choose your job; there is a huge shortage right now.

You answered your own question. You need to get a full time job, find your own apartment and move out of the house. Living in the house gives you no special claim after your mother dies and don’t expect help with taxes and repairs from your siblings unless you make it clear that you are staying there in a caretaker capacity. Your siblings will want to sell the house and divide the proceeds equally after your mother’s death so you will have to move out anyway. Nothing you said makes me think there is any advantage to you to continue to live in the house any longer than it takes to get your act together and reestablish your own life.

Just need to say this. Even though a house is considered an exempt asset, Medicaid has rules that need to be followed when it concerns who can live in the house. The person who is receiving Medicaid, if on the deed, is the owner. In my instance, I had a disabled nephew living in the house. But, he wasn't a child so the first caseworker said he would have to pay rent of $1600 a month. He brought in $1000. He'd been living with Mom 7 yrs.

Medicaid may allow a renter but that rent money would probably go to offset the persons care. Getting a roommate may not be permitted. OP may not be able to live there without showing they have the ability to pay the bills. Its not cut and dry. Each situation is different, each State is different.

I was told by a caseworker that the Will was pretty much null and void. First meaning that the recipient no longer has any money if going on Medicaid. Second , if there is a house and doesn't sell before death, there will be a lein put on it when the recipient passes. Medicaid must recoup what they can. The house will have to be sold at this point, with the lean being satisfied. If the lean is more than the house is worth, than there is no inheritance. No one gets the house.

Now Community Spouses, Caregivers, disabled children (just to name a few) maybe allowed to reside in the home before and after the recipiants passing BUT a lein will be placed on the house upon the recipients passing. This lein will need to be satisfied if the person allowed to live in the house leaves, sells, or dies. So see, no one really inherits. Wills mean nothing if the person writing it needs their money or their house sold for their care.

At this point, I would not worry about this. When the Medicaid application is done, questions will be asked. And then it will be decided if you can remain in the house. It would not hurt, though in the meatime, to contact Medicaid and run by them how this would work for you. I am pretty sure they will tell you that you will be responsible for taxes, ect. I think the wise thing would be is to start putting away for ur future. If your health problems are such that SS disability could be applied for, then do it. Find out what resources are out there for you if u find you can't stay in the house. HUD has a nice apt building in my town. They take 30% of your monthly income to pay for rent. Depending on your income, look into Medicaid for your health insurance. In my state they also pay dental and vision.

I so hope you will be able to remain in the home. Don't take what I have written on how it is, just want you to realize there is more to it.

Have you asked your siblings if they are willing to help with the taxes and upkeep?

How is the house titled? I have lived in my father's house since he died. The house is owned in trust by four siblings of which I am one. Because I live here, I am responsible for taxes, insurance, maintenance, repairs yard work and utilities and, yrs, it is very expensive.

If I owned the house by myself, I might sell it and move, but so far I have chosen to stay b/c I have enjoyed being "the keeper" of the family home and I enjoy my involvement in the community. I live on a low level of Social Security payments, so paying to stay in this home leaves me nothing extra, but as my husband used to say, "You have to live somewhere."

In my life I have lived many "somwhere's" including many years being homeless or living in a van or motor home. Maybe my willingness to spend most of my resources to live in this house is because this is b/c this is a satisfying new stage for me.

Excuse my digression into my own life. You get me started when you wondered if taking on a house was expensive. Yes, it is!

You say that your Mom is on medicaid. Yes, you can stay in while she is alive, but what will happen with clawback of the money after death varies. You should see an elder law attorney. If your Mother has a will and you were left the home, then what remains of it after medicaid recovery would be yours. There are some laws that can/may protect the child inheriting who was caregiver and has health issues. You need a lawyer in my opinion, familiar with medicaid recovery, who can tell you what those are.
You say that your Mom is on medicaid. How she can then afford 4,000 in taxes is beyond me. She cannot due to spend down. So there is also that. If you cannot afford the taxes it is difficult to imagine how you can inherit the house also.
I would use this time to save like mad. Just save like crazy. There are ways to live VERY INEXPENSIVELY. My bro lived in a trailer home he bought for 30,000 end of his life (it appreciated to 100,000 at sale due to his improvements. His monthly space and utilities were 600 a month in So. Cal, so I would be the first to tell you you can live in a wonderful space inexpensively still with a lot of research on that on your part. Meanwhile, it is imperative you SAVE like crazy and become as informed as you are able. Sure wish you good luck. Right now you are a caretaker of the property and somehow family, the POA, is going to have to come up with a way to pay taxes if Mom cannot. As she is on Medicaid I assume she cannot.

You have wonderful siblings, kind and considerate. I would consult with an elder attorney first. Wondering if you plan on selling the house in the future and if so maybe siblings can help with the upkeep and taxes. $4,000 a year is really not too much if you consider renting an apartment. Our taxes are $4,000 per year which is less than $400 per month if you think of it that way. I pay the house taxes and the upkeep for my mom and I know it is expensive but cheaper in the long run. Good luck.

You need to consult with an elder law attorney to be sure you don't disqualify her of any benefits. Every state has different laws regarding Medicaid and what you can/cannot do. An elder law attorney will be able to guide you the right path and also do whatever legal paperwork needs to be done for the property.