What happens when your parents don't agree on the course of action that should or will be taken about their long term care? My father (91) wants to make sure that if something happens to either of them they will be taken care of and even more important if something happens to my mom (89) he will have a plan because he doesn't drive and has trouble seeing and hearing and relies on my mom for daily cooking etc. My mother doesn't want to discuss it. She is steadfast against moving to assisted living on the grounds that they can't afford it and she, (her words) "doesn't want to give up doing the things she still can do". They are both in relatively good health for the ages and currently live in an apt. that is NOT senior friendly or equiped. As for her argument that they can't afford AL, I'm not sure they can but I'm not sure we have a choice. I have been looking into VA benefits but that's like chasing your tail and at 91 you never know if my dad is going to be around long enough to collect. I'm not sure how to reslove this issue.

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It does sound like your parents need AL. Your mom is afraid of the change. Do they have friends in AL? Often visiting others there will get people enthused. Try taking them on tours so they can see the socialization and activities available. Let your mom know there are many more options in a nice AL than she has at home. If you can have their church leader or a good friend talk with them, that may help. It's tough to get this moving, but your dad is for it, so use him for all it's worth and push to get it done. Your mom may be unhappy at first, but she'll adjust and will likely grow to enjoy it.
Take care of yourself - it's a rocky road but you'll get there,
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Hi, I think you and your parents are in a good position right now, as Carl mentioned, go with them to visit AL's and NH just to know what's available "if" the need should arise and how about talking to in-home care agencies too.

Once it was seen that my Dad needed NH care and that my Mom couldn't stay alone anymore as she did for 9 mos bless her heart ( she stayed in the hopes that Dad could come home) Anyway, she didn't want to live with anyone and asked me to find her a nice AL.

We researched, we visited and saw many beautiful AL's but Dad was not a candidate for AL because of his high level of care, so for Mom that was a no go? Then she asked if she could move into the NH??? Who woulda thunk it! lol!! So we made an appointment with the NH Administrator, took a tour and after reviewing her medical records, it was determined that Mom was NH qualified.

Mom and Dad share a room and very,very good care.
I'm glad I saw what could be my future, now I am able to make informed choices for myself.
Make it a date, view a few places you guys can even have a meal there if visiting during meal time, they will even allow them to spend a night, or a week, it's called respite care. Also try out in-home care for a week or two.

As for VA benefits, dont give up! Our Vets deserve to get all of their benefits! I wish I had known about it years ago, my Parents certainly need all the help that's available.
Congratulations for thinking ahead and not under the pressure of need like we did. Life can change in the blink of an eye, ours sure did
Best wishes to you and your Parents, please update us.
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