I guess I don’t expect any answers per se, just don’t have many people with a similar experience to talk to.
My bf (37) and I (32) have been together for almost three years but we dated for almost two years, 10 years ago too. I was always close with his mom. I remember how she used to be. And she’s not all gone yet, but it’s coming and it’s scaring the hell out of me. She (68) was diagnosed with Dementia in late 2018, then re-diagnosed with Lewy Body Disease in summer 2019. BF moved in shortly after first diagnosis, I moved in around second diagnosis. And we had never lived together before all of this, so we’re a couple cohabiting for the first time taking care of his mom.
My original post was too long and I was rambling and just venting. I talk to friends and my mom (her mom had Alzheimer’s for a very long time so I have some experience with how bad it gets) but I know they get sick of hearing about it and worry that it’s taking over our lives, but it is. This is our life now. Taking care of his mom.
We’re still relatively young. But we can’t do any of the things other couples we know do. No one our age has parents with memory disorders or neurological diseases. We’re alone.
his mom has close friends who help sometimes. But no close family. We are alone. I don’t see my friends very much anymore, BF doesn’t ever see friends.
And even when it’s over, if we’re even still young at all, will we have any life left in us to start living our own lives again? Will we even make it through together?
My therapist asked me why I don’t just move out. Well for several reasons. The first being, what kind of person would I be to do that? To leave my BF alone to face this. I couldn’t live with myself. Because moving out at this point would basically end the relationship and I love him and I don’t want to end it. Also, the financial strain it would put on them if I wasn’t helping with rent/bills/food, etc. And the strain it would put on myself too honestly. We’ve had fights where he threatened to kick me out and I really think he hasn’t because of the financial reasons and yes, because he loves me. We’ve gotten a little better. We’re trying harder to be accepting and forgiving and understanding. Another reason to stay is I care about her as well, and I couldn’t turn my back on her. As difficult as it all is, I’m in it for the long haul.
The only thing I can hope for is that it doesn’t stretch on for an agonizingly long time, for her sake and for my BF’s sake, and for mine. I hope we make it out not too scathed and we can have a happy life when it’s all over.