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I am fairly new to all of this, I am caring for both my dad 87 yrs who had a stroke and mom 83 yrs who has early stages of dementia and epilepsy. Problem is, we brought them to live with us here in the states , since my uncle who cared for them passed away in August. Every single day they keep saying they want to go home, that can not happen there is absolutely no one to take care of them. When we went to my uncle funeral my mother was forgetting to take her meds, had a couple of seizures in 1 month and dad was taking aspirin and his stroke meds like it was candy. When I took them to their dr, dad had lost 22 lbs in less than 6 months and mom was severely anemic. Their doctor here in the states highly recommends they are not to be sent back home since they are not able to care for themselves. Since they have been with me 7 months) dad has gain weight, mom is not anemic and no seizures. My mom says if we don't take them home they will run away, I just really hate hearing this, they just don't understand they cannot be alone 3000 miles away! We are 5 sisters we really get along well, we all take turns caring for them. They live in the apartment downstairs from me, 2 bedroom room, very nice accommodations I cook,clean .... My sisters take turns taking them on weekends. But AGAIN they want to go home, I really don't know how to handle this, they are so hard headed !!!

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I saw a bit of this when we moved my folks into independent living. No matter where they move - it's not HOME. It's never going to be HOME. I think my folks (mom, especially) felt lost. They'd lived in the same little house for nearly 60 years - their way of life, daily routine, even just the sounds and smells of the place were different. The facility was beautiful, clean, quiet & had housekeeping, cafeteria, activities, a beauty/barber shop, social interaction - it looked like living on a cruise ship to me - so much better than their dark, dingy little house that needed thousands of $$$ in repairs.

Mom had all kinds of ideas about buying a little house (with 1950s pricing). No matter how many discussions took place about why independent living and what things cost these days and what alternatives existed for them, Mom knew she was physically unable to do anything,,,,but couldn't seem to grasp that Dad wasn't 40 anymore (they were in their late 80s) and he couldn't take care of her and run a household too.

I don't think their feelings of being fish out of water ever went away. Dad accepted that they were independent living because Mom needed assistance (particularly handicapped accessibility),,,,but with Mom, it was an ongoing near constant "discussion" until my sister told her that the next move she was ever going to make was to a nursing home without Dad. That kept Mom at bay a bit, but didn't take away her feelings.

My advice from my experience? Bite your tongue, keep a smile on your face and continue to be patient. And while you're at it, gather up information on local independent and/or assisted living facilities & take Mom for a couple of tours. I like to think if my Mom would have had a chance to see exactly what her options were (she wasn't able to do any site visits before we chose Fieldstone,,,but that's another story), she would have recognized how good she had it.
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Wanting to "go home" is very common in elderly people who are disabled with illness and/or dementia. "Home" is somewhere else. A place in time when things were good and happy and secure. You've received some good suggestions above.

I think it's wonderful that you and your siblings are working harmoniously in caring for your parents, that everyone's pitching in. It's admirable.
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Tacy022 yes I have POA which was given to me a few years ago, and we do not deal with any family or friend or people that deal with trafficking we are Americanized as any other US citizen
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it sounds like you have a good system and you should be congratulated for this. From my experience sometimes parents really don't understand and they feel they are self sufficient. Going home is a place and a comfort zone. Things to think about: try to make sure that they feel at home in their home.Are there pictures reminding them of home? Are there tasks they can do to feel important? Set the tables, fold their wash, dust her own house? Anything they can do for any of the daughters to show they are needed? Can you help them create picture books of their place in Mexico? Have you had any religious person visit and welcome them?

It sounds like you are doing the right thing. If after 7 months they are still asking to go home they probably will not stop asking! Do they ask your sisters the same thing? If not, maybe you need to ask them how they deal with it. Tell them they are home and you are so happy they are here . And , as much as this is hard to do, train yourself to not listen or answer their questions. Every time you do you just keep perpetuating the discussion. Redirect yourself! You all can do this.
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freqflyer, yes they are US CITIZENS they lived in the USA for over 50yrs both worked and contributed, yes they are receiving MEdicare not Medicaid
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They are so lucky to have you and your sisters to care for them.I'm sorry they don't understand and you are going through this.
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Rosi, when they ask you when they can go home,
I suggest you smile and calmly tell them you will
speak to the Dr about that. They may ask you many, many, times and even
when it starts to bother you, calmly repeat the answer.
I agree with others that you should have a back up
plan and look at some nearby facilities in case they decline. I am tired after
3 year of caring for both my parents with lots of help.
Maybe even your uncle's health was affected.
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Tacy022 my parents lived in Mexico, they now live in IL . Sorry for the confusion.
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Is there any chance that meds could help with the agitation? In dementia, reasoning really doesn't work.
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Thank you all for your suggestions I will definitely try them. Very happy to be part of this site !!!!
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