Help, my mother has dementia and is also the absolute nastiest person I know. She thinks she is fine and refuses any help. Any ideas?

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To begin with, my father became very demented 5 years ago and the first thing my mother did was get herself appointed POA they live in Mexico and when mom did this she made it so no one else can ever be appointed for anything or make any changes as long as she lives. Not only do they live in mexico they have never been legally married. My sister has tried to help to no avail. Mom is now becoming very demented but will not accept the fact and becomes hostile if one of us bring it up POA or anything, else to help, dad was very well off but can make no decisions at all mom has been secreting his money away into her accounts all over. At this point she takes half of this pension check every month, it disappears. She forgets, over pays, pays 2 or 3 times the same bills and just gives money away like crazy but it's always dads money and we fear she will run them both into the poor house. she always says she is broke, and hides all of her money and half of dads. We are concerned about this because they are not married. I wonder if there are any laws in place in Mexico to have someone appointed guardian or something like that before it's too late. before To make matters worse mom is really the most narcissistic nasty person we have ever known. thinks she is totally fine and will live forever she is 86 and dad is 91. Does anyone have any suggestions about what can be done here in Mexico? Mom is getting worse daily. thank god the nurses she hires are honest because she pays them and 10 minutes later forgets and pays them again, sometimes 3 or 4 times. the nurses call and tell me and return the money and I put it back in the house expense account. She just can not be dealt with and get angry if we call her on any of these things. Does anyone have any ideas for this impossible situation?

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thanks for your concern jeanneglibbs, yes, you get the jist of it. Any mention of mom being demented and not in total control and she just gets violent yelling and screaming, she has everyone browbeaten, dad has round the clock nursing care and mom has them so completely browbeaten they do whatever she says going against doctors orders is common. He prescribes medications and treatment and she will start them and after a day or two SHE decides they don't work and stops treatments. Plus, she has him so completely browbeaten now that he dares not disagree with her about anything. I am not even sure mexico has any laws about elder care because this is a society, elders are very respected here and given difference. Mom gets so upset about the subject. and it seems like the situation is becoming unbearable, she just lost 6 months of dads insurance reimbursement because she forgot to follow up with the instructions, but continues to resist any help whatsoever. she is becoming so bad it would be best to have her taken away in a straightjacket if they still used them, at this point we are powerless to help and it feels like we have no place to go.
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Both of your parents have dementia. Your mother is also a narcissist. Your mother is in charge of the money and is not managing it well. Your mother and father are not legally married to each other. Is that the situation?

Does Dad have a specialist who is treating his dementia? Have you or your sister talked to this doctor about your mother's dementia symptoms?

I don't understand what you mean that the POA ensures that no one can ever change it. Your father can always change it -- it is his document, not hers. At least in the US an adult who has not been declared incompetent by a court has total control over the POA document. I don't know how it is in Mexico. In the US, even if the individual is no longer competent to decide who should be POA, the courts can appoint someone guardian, which is a higher authority than the POA.

You may need to consult a lawyer who specializes in law regarding elders.
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