We lost my dad 2 years ago to vascular dementia and since then, I'm not sure how to handle my Mother. My parents were together from the age of 16 and my Dad always did everything: bills, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, etc. My mom is lost without him, depressed, severe anxiety and just doesn't seem to care. Prior to his death, my mom's sister moved into the condo to help her and now my mom's sister has dementia, is an alcoholic and has started hoarding her home. I've had multiple conversations with my mom and she basically ignores my Aunt's behaviors and admitted she needs her money to stay in her home. My mom recently came to stay with us for a month and would not get out of bed unless she needed to use the restroom or if one of my children came to visit. She's like a different person when she wants to be but then goes back to bed and expects us to cook for her and cater to her every need. She's currently on 3 meds for depression and anxiety but doesn't follow through with Dr's apts or therapy apts. We've had the conversation about POA and she refuses. I have no idea where anything is, what she wants and when asked she just says "I know" and changes the subject. Her behavior has always been like this but has increasingly gotten worse. I live 500 miles away and every vacation is spent trying to clean up her house or help her. I realize you can't help someone who doesn't want it. My mom has no other health issues (yes, she's been tested for dementia) but the depression and anxiety. I do have a brother that lives 2 hrs from her but "he's busy" also my Aunt has 2 children that have tried but my Aunt becomes belligerent and tells them to F off. The problem has become so bad that their sisters have called the area office on aging for help but getting my aunt to follow through with the appointments is impossible. The garage has rats, which my mom calls mice... it's out of control. I begged my mom to live with me or my brother and she said she's not leaving her sister's, my response was, but we're your children and she again said, "I know." I promised my Dad I'd take care of her but it's evident she doesn't want my help. I just don't know what to do at this point. I recognize that depression, anxiety and grief are debilitating and that’s why I feel like I can't just walk away. Any advice is appreciated.
If one of the cousins has POA for Aunt, they need to get her diagnosed so the POA becomes effective so they can have her placed. APS needs to be called. Your Mom is not capable of caring for a person with Dementia. RATS! This is serious and if APS will not do anything about it, the Health Department should.
When one spouse spoils another, its not fair to the children that end up being caregivers to the spoiled parent. My Mom spoiled Dad. TG he went first because I would not have done for him what she did. I don't do it for my husband.
You certainly do not want her living with you, that would be a nightmare.
No need to walk away, just don't sit in a front row seat, your mother is who she is and is set on living her life her way, accept that.
You can call APS and ask for a wellness check, let them get involved.
Sit back, something will happen, it always does.