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These past few months have been so difficult, with my mom in and out of hospitals and rehab facilities for a stubborn UTI. Now it's looking like she may have Parkinson's as well; she can't walk or do much of anything for herself.


I decided to bring her home and hire 24-hour care for a few weeks to attempt to get rid of her UTI, while researching a longterm ALF or nursing home for her ... but while home she is refusing to eat (max 300 calories a day is all I can get in her), barely drinking water, and now yelling at the caretakers I've hired.


I understand she's confused from UTI, and rigid because of Parkinson's, but I can't help her if she refuses me nutrition and water. I feel I am losing a battle to bring her back to health...


What are my options with her? What care facility will accept someone like this and give them proper care? I'm scared.

Talk to the doctor who thinks she has Parkinson's or a neurologist. People with Parkinson's Disease often have slowness in moving food through the digestive tract and don't feel hungry and may be constipated. Also, swallowing may be a problem and she may need a different consistency to the food. Some PD meds can cause nausea and a lack of motivation to eat. Maybe she has trouble feeding herself due to problems with her motor control and needs to be fed. Parkinson's patients often have pain due to rigidity and she may not be able to express that directly to you due to confusion from the UTI or the advancing Parkinson's itself.
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Reply to vegaslady
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I don't know if facilities would reject her due to her attitude. I would think that there are lots of difficult people in nursing homes. The nurses have some tricks and routines, etc. that might help in getting to do what she "should" be doing. And if she won't cooperate, I guess that is partly OK and her choice.

Are the home caregivers upset with your mom's yelling? I assume some are more sensitive than others and some might understand that this is part of the norm when taking care of older people with problems.

If she keeps refusing food and water, she will end up in the hospital again. If this happens, don't take her home and insist that there is a placement somewhere.

Sorry you are having such a tough situation to deal with.
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Reply to againx100
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I am so sorry that you are struggling with this situation. I have gone through this with my mom. I cared for her for ages. She lived with me for 15 years. She recently died in a hospice house with end stage Parkinson’s disease.

My mom said something to me long ago that puzzled me. She said, “I am really not hungry.” So, I asked her, “Mom, if you are not hungry, then why do you eat? Is it because you know that you have to?” She said, “Yes.” My mom did not have an appetite. She ate because she had to. Sometimes, she wouldn’t eat. Sometimes, her tummy was upset and I know that I am the same. I don’t eat if I don’t feel like it.

I don’t know what to tell you about the ‘yelling’ at the caregivers because my mom was always kind to the caregivers. She took out her frustrations on me, but not the caregivers. She did apologize for any misunderstandings or rude behavior with me. I forgave her and wish that she didn’t suffer like she did. Parkinson’s disease is brutal!

I thank God for hospice because she was able to die with dignity and free from pain.

Your profile states your mom is in her 70’s. My mom lived until 95 years old. She had been ready to die for many years.

Best wishes to you and your mom. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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