I'm brand new here, but just really needing to talk to SOMEONE who "gets" what I"m going through. I'm 31 and the mom of 2 great daughters and the wife to a great husband. I'm also the daughter of a wonderful mom, but I'm starting to get really frustrated with her as well.

My dad passed away 4 years ago and at the time my mom was living in NH near my brothers. After about a year and a half she decided to move to Kansas to be closer to me and my daughters which has honestly been wonderful. I love my mom and am really glad that she moved here, however... (there's always a catch)... In the past 6 months life has gotten a lot harder. My mom is probably on the younger side for parents on this site at 62, but in Nov. she was rushed to the ER with an inability to breathe. She really scared the crap out of me and I honestly thought that I'd be preparing for her funeral. Thankfully she recovered but they discovered that she had a faulty mitral valve as well as needed a heart bypass, which she received in Feb. Since she has gotten out of the hospital, after a second hospitalization for a GI bleed it has just been HARD.

She is horribly depressed and just can't seem to get moving. I honestly don't know what to do. I want to be there for her, but I get so frustrated when I go over to her house. She just doesn't seem to want to "help herself". It gets so that I almost cringe when I see her number on caller id because it's depressing me to be around her. Both of my brothers are helping as much as they can, but living in NH makes it difficult.

I just feel VERY conflicted. I have 2 young children and a very busy lifestyle, so I'm not always able to be over at my moms right when she wants/needs me. I do as much as I can but then feel guilty because I'm neglecting my own young family.

I just don't know what to do or how to help her. Any advice is VERY welcome and just having a supportive place to vent is beyond helpful. Thank you all for reading this far :)

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KS welcome to this group you will get lots of support here many have been in the trenches for a while with various problems and we all get it- mine is the husband but there is a lot in common with those caring for parents and siblings most disrepect and their attitudes and their constant WANTS which they think are NEEDS and they want it yesterday-I try to be independent probably too much but I had to be growing up and had big responsiblies when I was almost 7 -but that was a different age and time. Please post any time it will save your sanity believe me most of there men and women will become real friends and will really listen which does not always happen in our friends that we meet in our daily life-most of them only want you to say fine when they ask how you are so come and vent with the rest of us we all need your care and concerns-it does not get better but easier when others understand. You do need to do something you enjoy even if it is a small walk and if someone says let me know if I can help go ahead and ask-which is hard to do.
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Welcome to this sight. Sorry no one has answered you yet. Seems as tho you have your hands full
It is normal for you to react to what you see your mom going thru. The surgery she had is grueling and it takes time to come back from it. She is probably very afraid right now and depression is part of the process of healing.
You are expecting the same old mom, and this surgery has changed things for her. She sees herself in a more vulnerable way and is not sure how to move forward.
Is her surgeon aware of her depression? Maybe he can offer suggestions on how to help motivate her. Or at least explain things to you.
You keep up the good work you are doing and take care of yourself. Get some information that will help you understand what is going on.God Bless
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