My dad lives in a memory care facility. They are amazing and keep him very busy with several day trips a week, live music, games and exercise almost every day and more. I try to visit at least two times a week and take him out at least once a month. His 2 sisters each visit once a week as well. I usually try to go at times that music is playing or a bingo game is happening in the common areas. His sisters try to go during the lunch hour and take him over to the assisted living dining area to have lunch with his favorite dancing partner. Otherwise, his mind races on and on about all of the things he thinks I should be doing for him. He thinks his Alzheimer’s is a concussion and that the longer I don’t do anything about it the worse it’s going to get. He thinks the numbness in his fingers from cellulitis nerve damage is carpal tunnel syndrome. He insists that his legs are broken when it’s arthritis. He does surprisingly get relief from Tylenol and gets it when he ask or complains of any pain or I request it for him. He’s already had carpal tunnel surgery and it didn’t help. He’s had 3 falls in the past 13 months with visits to the ER via ambulance. One time fell asleep sitting on his walker seat and tumbled forward, another time we think he lost his balance getting up out of his recliner and most recently he slipped off of the toilet between the wall and toilet. Each time he was examined and released within an hour and was fine after that. He thinks he should be able to marry his dancing partner and live happily ever after in the home that is tied up in the middle of his divorce that his wife filed (yes, I’ve had to hire a couple of attorneys to help me with that too). I go along with all of his dreams. It all breaks my heart. I stay in constant contact with his primary doctor and his memory care facility. I take him to see his primary doctor on average 6 times a year. This disease is so cruel. My husband and I tried to visit yesterday, but his rage towards me forced us to bring him back to his memory care facility before we ever left the parking lot. While checking him out at the front desk, he told my husband that I once put him in jail and that I’m taking all of his possessions. Diversion only made him more angry. I called the facility today and they suggested I give him a few days to settle down before visiting again. On the one hand I worry that my absence will make him feel abandoned and on the other hand, if I do go, I worry that I’ll make him even more upset.
Alzheimers is the worst. I hope I die before ever having it myself. I don’t want my husband or children to go through what I’m going through.
What can I do to reduce his anger towards me?