Help! My dad is 87 and lives alone in a single family house 500 miles away and I'm sure he has dementia.

Not too much to add to all of the great answers here. I just know that the long distance thing is not working. Dehydration can cause confusion along with UTI's. Swelling in the legs?? Diabetes? Heart? You just don't know until you get him to a dr. I so understand him not wanting anyone in his house. My mom also would not allow it. I had to be very sneaky and get her out of the house for a few hours just to get some cleaning girls in. Whenever asked she would always say she had just cleaned the entire house. Well.....it hadn't been cleaned probably in 2 years if not longer. I had them come back 3 different times while she was gone. It was hard to get her out of the house but thank goodness she loved to eat out. I would take the long way there and the loooong way back. The girls would call me when they were finished. She never knew. My mom was a knockout and loved clothes before she had dementia. Her coworkers always thought she was a model. A few years in to her journey her hygiene and paranoia kicked in. Never bathed (would change clothes) never washed her hair (would tell me she just did). So I started tell her she had a hair appt. that SHE had made and she sure didn't want to stand her up and not show. Her hair had so much hairspray in it that the hairdresser couldn't get it out and said she would have to cut her hair short (which it had gotten almost shoulder length.....she would have died if she had realized). I told her to do what was necessary. Mom never flinched and she looked so nice.....for a while. Sorry, got off on my own story instead of trying to help you! Does he have neighbors that look in on him? Does he have ANYone around him that could take on his caregiving (and trust) and by that I mean be his advocate at drs. appts, meals, etc. and report back to you? Other than that I'm afraid I agree with the others on having him placed for observation so that he can get help. You don't want anything to happen to him while at his house. Move him to a facility whether close to you or in his hometown, either way he will be fighting mad at first and then they adjust to their "new" home. There will be people 24/7 that are trained to handle easy going patients and the difficult ones. I believe you need to make a decision which way you are going to go on this. And fast. Even if it is something easy like UTI or dehydration and can be fixed he still shouldn't be by himself if he has dementia. I live in Texas and we have Silver Alerts almost daily. A loved one has driven off or gone out for a walk. Good Luck to you and may God Bless.

P.S.......For some reason placing our loved ones in a facility against their will makes us feel guilty. It did me. But I know now that it was the right thing to do. There was no way I could have handled what was to come on my mom's long 13 year journey. She's gone now for a year but I know she's at peace and probably remembering more than I do! :))