How do I help my Dad?

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Hello, I'm new to the forum and really need to talk to other people who understand that stress that I'm experiencing.

My father is 84 years old and a 20+ year survivor of prostate cancer. He used to be a heavy drinker, has high blood pressure, about two years ago was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and in the last month has been diagnosed with dementia, high calcium along with a cyst on his kidney that the doctor is not too concerned about.

About 2 years ago, because he suffered from slight hearing loss, he purchased hearing aids. He put the hearing aid for the right ear in the left and vice versa, lost one so he only wore the one he had. Long story short, he claims this is the reason he has "stuff" that speaks to him in his head and knots in his stomach and he has to "breakthrough". He tries to breakthrough by putting his hand to his ear and on his stomach and groaning loudly. He ends up saying different words and he claims it's not him saying it - its the stuff in his body. The stuff tells him what word to say in hopes of breaking through.

Along with that, at our last office visit after he had an ultra sound, we learned that he has a huge chunk of cholesterol in his aorta in his stomach that is about the break off so the doctor prescribed him baby aspirin in hopes of preventing a stroke.

My problem is he won't take his medicine for high calcium or the anto psychosis medicine the doctor prescribed nor is he taking his medication that is supposed to prevent angina or heart attacks. He still groaning saying random words for about 30 minutes about every couple of hours. He's in his right mind as it relates to everything except the stuff in his head and body that speaks to him that he's trying to break through. He's convinced the problem with the stuff in his head and body is an ear issue and goes monthly to an ear doctor who gives him shots of anti-biotics - which his primary care doctor says he does not need. With all of this, he is frail and continues to lose weight - he tries to eat but barely eats anything as he has no appetite.

My question is what do I do? I can't make him take his meds - and I'm guessing the doctor can't either. I feel like I'm watching him wither away and not doing anything to help him.

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Can you guilt him a little? He told he'd take it once he broke through, and really, he needs to have faith that he can try it for a week and then give it up if it doesn't work. Also, you should tell him that you have health issues and although he feels weak you know how strong he is and he will probably outlive you, so you need him to fill out the paperwork so that HE will know what to do when YOU are sick. You can fill out the paperwork together. I was trying to find the name of the nonprof who I found last weekend, cant find it - they help you fill out ADVANCED DIRECTIVES. It is different for each state. Maybe you can talk him into it. Hugs!
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I asked him the same thing today. He said that's the it's programmed. Now however, because he has not broken through he said he's giving up, life is not worth it, and he's going to die with it. I'm trying not to over react but if this get worse by any amount I'm calling an ambulance. I figure at least that way he'll be admitted, have full series of tests done and get medicated.
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How will he know when he breaks through? Maybe tell him these meds will help him breakthrough.
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He's supposed to be taking sensapar and seroquel one for mental distress the other for high calcium. He told me today he'll start taking them once he "breaks through". : /
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I have to agree with those who suggest "slipping" his meds into food or drink. People who have serious mental problems often need help taking their meds.
BUT, always check with his Dr first. As Eyerish said, some coatings are there for a reason. Time release, etc. If the Dr agrees, maybe they can give him a smaller dose, more often. God bless and good luck.
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Please do NOT crush up medication without discussing it with the Dr. first. Medication comes in certain coatings (enteric, gel, capsule, etc) for a reason and it has to do with the release time of the drug. If you crush up an extended release drug (for example) it will hit his system all at one time and could cause serious problems.
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Crush his pills and put it in apple sauce, oatmeal, pudding what ever. He will never know. Then you will have peace of mind..
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High calcium is caused by a magnesium deficiency. If you can't get him to take the drugs, then he probably won't take magnesium, but can you give him a diet rich in magnesium? Epsom Salt baths are rich in magnesium. If he would take a pill, ginko would be great for his arteries. I give it to my mother along with a 1/2 dose of Plavix with her doctor's blessings.
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Tanya, I respect what you are doing. I understand it too. I agree that no one should be tricked to take medicine. I have a friend who is bipolar though and my experience with her has shown me that sometimes people do need to be forced to take medicine. Once she took it, she became herself again after a long period of strangeness that culminated with her running from us into the arms of the police grateful they would rescue her from us..... After she took her meds, the voices that were telling her to do things stopped, and she began to be herself again. She was grateful... Maybe your Dad won't be grateful, but the KEY is that WHEN SOMEONE IS HARMING THEMSELVES, someone else has to step in. If you think your Dad is harming himself, you need to let his doctors make the decision if he needs to take meds. Do that much, and your conscience shoudl be clear, though I KNOW that your conscience is not your concern now. You just want to do right by your Dad. Don't be the only one responsible for that decision. Find a shrink that you feel understands what is going on. Check with the county's Senior Care reps or the groups that look out for the welfare of elders, tell them the story and listen to their advice, if you can find such a group. I know they are out there, normally they look out for abusive situations, in this case it may be the abuser is himself.
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This has worked for me. But we are just at the start of Moms (Delicate Condition). I just have coversations with her. She doesn't want to eat vegtables, fruits. Just Junk. I researched what each plant ect. had, and what our body needs. Then I told her Mom do you remember when you gave me Castor Oil. When I was little. I had to do lots of things I didn't want to.And the fact is her health does affect my health. I get so sad and depressed. Nancy Reagan said," its a long Goodby."I think Love And Attention is the best Medicine.
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