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Maria04, hope today's move works out well for your mom. Keep in mind, that regardless of how stubborn she might be, she's probably also scared about her future, confused by the present, and wanting to keep her independence. Her life is being upended and, depending on the stage of her Alzheimer's dementia, her coping ability is diminished. It's a tough time for both her and you. If you think it would help for you to spend the rest of the day and night with her to ease her transition, then you should do that whether or not the facility staff thinks it's a good idea -- you know your mom better than they do and doing that worked well when I moved my dad to memory care assisted living. Also, while your mom may not need to be in memory care right now, she probably will in the not too distant future, so start preparing for that next move.

Regarding guardianship, you may or may not have to have that additional court-ordered authority, but know that I found through three experiences with guardianship that it is an option that need not be terribly expensive or onerous and sometimes it is the only way to enable doing what is best for the person who needs your help.

Best wishes for your mom, you and the rest of your family.
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Reply to bicycler
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Whether you have decision making power for residence, depends on what the POA document says. It may require mom being declared incapacitated by two doctors. In that case there would be no need for guardianship, which can get quite expensive.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Wish there was an easy answer....they can be so stubborn. My mom (89) recognizes that she can't (or rather she won't) live alone, but right now dad lives with her (which is not the best situation) and she fully expects to stay with one of her children or have live in help should my dad pass first. No and no. I have DPOA and she has been diagnosed with dementia. When the time comes, I will execute this and put her in the best facility I can find. I will have to "lie" to get her there, but for everyone's peace of mind, this is an absolute.

Do you or a sibling have POA? Without this it will be difficult to force the issue. If she is a fall risk (at that age, most are) it will be just a matter of time until a tumble lands her in the ER. At that point family steps in and declares it is no longer safe for her to live on her own. Arrangements will be made from there. Of course the other alternative would be for her to live with you or another family member. You need to think long and hard about this one as your life will be severely uprooted. It is an enormous responsibility and many of us simply are not up to the task. Dementia is very difficult to deal with on a day to day basis.

Best of luck to you as this is not an easy journey. It's nearly impossible to convince our parents to do what is best for them when they are past the point of reasoning.
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Reply to Abby2018
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Maria04 Nov 9, 2019
Abby thank you for responding!!! We have both Medical POA and financial POA. Today we’re taking her to the AL facility to move in. She’s visited the facility several times and refuses to go. It’s so sad, but we’re going to trick her and say we’re going to visit it again, I’ve been reading on line that the POA isn’t sufficient enough that we will need a guardianship through the courts.
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I've been through this with an aunt and have talked with others. They say the same thing Gladimhere said - "It usually takes a bad fall or illness."

Social workers will usually try to guilt a family member into moving in with the parent. My relative's Sunday School teacher kept trying to get me to give up my life and go stay with my relative at night, all because she REFUSED to go to AL.
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Reply to XenaJada
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Sometimes you just wait it out until there is an emergency. She has the right to make her own bad decisions until she has been found incompetent by a court, or is she has had a guardian appointed, or doc's have found her to be incapacitated and powers of attorney invoked that include the responsibility of the POA determining housing.
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Maria04 Nov 9, 2019
We have both medical POA, financial POA and documentation from doctor that states she has dementia. Will this be sufficient for getting her to stay at the facility??
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