How can I help my 79-year-old mother with late onset alcohol dependence?

One Gma had one drink of hard liquor each evening. It helped her relax, and was never over-done. In her case, it was therapeutic.
As she got more demented over time, she stopped using it.
Mom, OTH, would use booze whenever, and in proportion to, how emotionally pained she was. She could put away half a gallon of wine, or several drinks of hard liquor, in a day, most days, yet not reek of it, nor get stumbling drunk--just really rotten behaviors.
She did a great job of hiding it.
But it badly effected how she treated us and our home.
No chance of her going thru treatment for it--not in her 70s and 80's.
It was not working at our house--her behaviors were pervasively destructive.
But now it seems to be working for her at a sibling's house, since they do more drinking than we do; they seem to get along fine enough.
So maybe it is less a question of how much, but how well does she get along at your place, and, if not very well, do you have sibling[s] she might get along better with, still having her drinks?
IF she went to a Facility, though, she'd have to quit--it's a rare place that will keep a patient's bottle on the med cart and dole out their booze ration in the evening!
So there's another question:
If a Facility can cause an elder stop drinking in order to be there, why not stop it at home, for the sake of keeping the peace, and helping the elder's overall state of health?

Detox is not for the amatuer. I have seen people here in the past suggest take all the alcohol away and don't buy any more. I would consult with a detox center before I took that approach.

Does she still do her own shopping and driving?
Does she have any dementia brought on by her alcoholism?
Does she have balance and mobility problems?

When you are calling around to the different rehabilitations I believe this information will help them know better what type of treatment you are seeking. I think it is best to support the facility in your community because that the aftercare will be simple. If it is far and involves long distances and housing to visit the after care will be greatly diminished in it's support.

What would be your goals in getter her sober?
What would be her goals in putting alcohol aside as a tool and a comfort?
These two questions will help you understand if you are both on the same page.
If you both say health, community, and restoration of relationships than it will work.

Betty Ford in Rancho Mirage, CA specializes in Women.

Kitty I think your answer was fantastic -going to al-anon is a good idea-I was thinking about doing that because a friend was going to AA meeting but it seems she has stoped going and our frienship has been lost-the alcohol has wonout over anything else and I no longer can help her.

My mother attended a 3 week program that our hospital helped to set up 3 years ago this week. She had developed normal pressure hydrocephalus however and was unable to follow through. So, unfortunately, her alcoholism is advancing as well as her normal pressure hydrocephalus, as it's a disease, just like diabetes.
The most important thing I learned this past week is self care. Then you can care for her, by keeping alcohol out of her life, and getting her into the adult day care, or assisted living as mentioned by Sandy B. Much of alcoholism in the aged is depression, isolation, and real pain from arthritis, or emotional losses. What does not work is shaming, blaming. What does work is compassion. Finding the root cause of why she drinks. Mom has anxiety over my father's reaction to her, and has now developed a nervous tick of doing a figure 8 on her right knee. When asked she says it's anxiety, and pain. The Dr.'s are reluctant to give her pain medication for her degenerative back. They give palliative care to Cancer patients, and at this advanced stage, I don't understand why the Dr.'s think dependance on a pain medication would be worse than dependence on 5 oz. + of straight vodka per day.
So, get thyself to an al-anon meeting. Write down what you have control over, and what you do not, and use her Dr.'s social worker, or find out which alcohol treatment programs are covered by Medicare, as my mother's was. Good luck and a hug. Kitty

Hi Sandy,
Depending on her level of cognition you may want to look into a Assisted or Independant Living Facility. This greatly helps with social interaction and takes some of the burden of daily tasks like laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. off of her plate. If she is experiencing severe memory loss, you should look at a memory care unit as they are better suited to deal with her specific issues. And if you want to keep her at home you can either bring in a private duty nursing aide to be with her for purposes of safety and or companionship. Lastly, they also have adult day care facilities in some cities, that is another option. Unfortunatly, this is not the type of ailment that can be cured. Your goal should be neutralizing the side effects as best you can. You've taken the first step you are a loving daughter.
Good luck,