How can I help my 79-year-old mother with late onset alcohol dependence?

Abbeys...this is a very old thread. You may get more answers if you post your question in a new thread of your own. But...alcoholics have to want to quit for rehab to work. if he does not want to stop drinking he won't. However that doesn't mean you have to care for him. Go to Al-anon and detach from him. If you don't, you will only get hurt more.
Generally alcoholics can't care for themselves because they are drunk. Let him hit rock bottom, maybe he will sober up. Otherwise he is unlikely to get help. Nursing homes/memory care facilities generally do not allow excessive drinking as it is an insurance risk so they will not take him on. The only option in the end will be that he will be baker acted (against his will) and forced into a psychiatric hospital for a short time. But they won't hold him forever (72 hours). He has to want to sober up.

Angel

Riamborn...I completely relate to your life. My 74 year old mother lives with me and my 19 year old son. She is fairly okay during the day. When I say fairly okay, I mean she drives, takes care of her doctor's appt's, etc. In the mid-day to late afternoon, reality sets in. Since I'm a teacher and out of school for the summer, I can kind of tell how much she is really drinking. Right now I have it pegged at about two of the large bottles of wine per day. To accurately get this picture, you must know that she weighs about 105 pounds and takes a lot of different medications for a variety of different ailments. Now during the day you would never guess that she struggles with alcoholism. It's the nights I HATE!!!!! I also found out that she hides her wine and vodka in her room. I'm going crazy trying to come up with solutions on how to handle this. Every day I am trying to come up with errands that we have to run, places that I would like to window shop at, or even just go to my classroom and prep for the next school year. I have to be two steps ahead of her to try to keep her from drinking earlier in the day. My needs and wants go out the window. Just so you get the complete picture, during the school year I have my mom come "help" me at school. I have to work hard to set up projects that she can do just to keep her out of the house and away from the alcohol. It also gives her something to do and make her feel needed. She loves coming but now has taken over all of my school relationships. It's a small sacrifice so that the evenings are not as bad. During the summer I also watch my 6 year old grandson 3 days a week. My mom loves this. It helps to keep her busy but I find myself having to watch her because she tends to want to cook for him, do projects, etc., and this leads to it becoming something that I have to monitor. I feel like I'm always babysitting a toddler that is 74 years old. I feel like I'm drowning in my own home. I know you are thinking that I should just talk to her...she denies her drinking to no end and says that she only had two small glasses. It's always the same story. Every day I find new wine bottles at the bottom of the trash can. I go back to school in 4 weeks and am having anxiety attacks over how to keep control of this situation from my classroom. I can't rely on my son because he works full-time (24-hour shifts) and goes to college full-time. I also have 2 brothers but one is a major alcoholic and the other has had many bouts of prescription drug dependence and uses his charm and "used car salesman" tactics to swindle money from my mom. Any advice from anyone would be much appreciated.

AnxietyfilledCT, the way you know an alcoholic is lying, is their lips are moving. She will NEVER be honest about her drinking, nor will she stop unless she wants to. You need to detach from her, Go to Al-anon. If necessary she may need alternative living arrangements. And by that I mean that she needs to move out if she will not choose to stop drinking. You are not responsible for her arrangements.You are taking on the burden of her addiction and that is not ok.

You may think this is your responsibility, but it is not. Please get some help to detach.

Angel

I am helping take care of elder 91 year women with dementia who drink ever day she never remember drinking at all and doesn't know why she is sick
I have been staying with
Her for six months she's abusive to me and lies about everything I really appreciate and of my rope and I could really use some help she doesn't want to go in this facility and it's a mistake there's nothing they can do for her but better drink and I don't know how to handle this help please

Mary, who is responsible for your client? Were you hired by her, by her children, by her guardian?

You really need to be in touch with THAT person. If she hired you herself, it feels to me like you need to either talk to YOUR agency (if you are working through an agency) or if you are an independent contractor, call the local Area Agency on Aging.

She may need a higher level of care.

And be safe, my dear. If you feel threatened, call 911 and have her taken to the hospital.

Alcoholism is difficult at any age but with the elderly, it must be a nightmare! I had an RN roomie who was a stone alcoholic. It ruined her career. The only sure cure is commitment to a facility where they can detox because if you take away the alcohol, there will be seizures. Living with an alcoholic is tough and I moved after one year because of it. I am not in touch with her any longer.